
Friday, March 30, 2012
My freezer is full of MRE’s

What do you do for dinner when you work late? Or, when you are at after school activities with your kids? Or, when you just don’t feel like cooking? Come on, I know you have experienced these scenarios and probably others. Do you call for takeout? Go through a drive thru? Have sandwiches or leftovers? I have a great solution for you! Several months ago I decided to cook 30 meals in one day. It really wasn’t 30 meals. It was 15 double portioned meals. I chose several that bake in the oven, cook on the stove top, a couple of crock pot and several assemble and cook later. I found out that this was a great idea. For the next three months I had meals ready to defrost and heat up or cook (depending if it was already cooked or just assembled). When I knew there wouldn’t be much time for cooking I would pull out one of my “freezer meals” for dinner that night. I saved money (because we didn’t eat out) and it was healthy.
Are you wondering how you can do this, too and what steps to take? Well, first, go to the commissary and check out the frozen food section. You can make just about anything you see at home. Next, go through your recipes and decide what meals you would like to make and freeze. Now, it’s time to get on the internet and do some research. Or, you can buy a book or software for freezer meals. Find recipes that are like yours that other people have made and froze. There is a lot of information out there. Some things you should look for are things that freeze well and things that don’t. For instance, potatoes don’t usually freeze well. When dealing with potatoes you should consider substituting frozen potato product for fresh.
Ok, now that you know what you want to cook and you have done a little research it’s time to make the grocery list and go shopping. You can download the HH6 Mess Hall printable to help you plan your meals and create your shopping list. You want to make sure you don’t forget anything on this shopping trip! Don’t forget to pick up plenty of freezer bags, heavy duty aluminum foil and foil pans. When you get home you can prep for your big cooking day by slicing, chopping and dicing. Put your feet up and relax because tomorrow you will be cooking!
Start the cooking day by putting your fist meal in the crock pot. Put your second meal in the oven. Now, start assembling all the meals that you assemble and freeze. What’s left? Another crock pot meal, another oven meal and some stove top meals? Now, is a good time to start a stove top meal and then another oven meal and so on. Once your meals are cooked, cooled and assembled it’s time to put them in the freezer. Label those meals! I also wrote cooking directions on them. That way, I didn’t have look up the recipe or, if someone else in the family was going to cook the meal they would know what to do.
Another idea for freezer meals is for crock pot meals. This is very simple, too. Simply put all the ingredients for each crock pot meal in a freezer bag. Before putting everything in the bag write the instructions for cooking on the outside of the bag. The night before you are going to cook one of these meals you simply pull the bag out of the freezer and put in the refrigerator to thaw a bit. In the morning empty the bag in the crock pot and let the crock pot do all the work!
A final idea for freezer meals that is great for grilling is to put your meat in freezer bags with your favorite marinades. Put your favorite marinades in a freezer bag, add your meat (poke holes in it first) and put in the fridge for about 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, put the bags of marinating meat in the freezer. The day you are going to cook the meat you simply pull freezer bag out of the freezer. While the meat is defrosting it is marinating some more. You end up with moist and tasty meat.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Who ya gonna call?
The setup: Ghostbusters by Ray Parker
So, who knows why this occurred to me as a blog topic!
I wanted to lighten things up a bit, and I've been thinking about all the great things MIL-Spouses do out there (in our community). If I heard it once, I heard it a 1,000 times: "Call so-and-so, they'll do it." or "They'll understand." That so-and-so is 99.9% of the time a MIL-Spouse. Of course it is, in my world. That's who I'm surrounded by.
Sometimes you don't feel it, but that's who you're surrounded by too.
Yet, even with our collective ambition, can-do attitude, and perservence, we all have a few ghosts we're working on to expel.
Anxiety over meeting new friends
Murphy up to his usual antics
Lonely nights
I'm sure you have more to add to the list. Those are my personal ghosts.
And when I want inspiration or a new coping strategy, I call MIL-Spouses.
So, you got that tune in your head? Good. (You can be mad at me later.)
I want you to remember this song and the fact that you're NOT ALONE.Keep it as your anthem and pep-rally song for all the others (MIL-Spouses) who
just made their first PCS move or are going to soon (just like you).
MIL-Spouses who have to navigate your same healthcare or dental insurance transitions.
Others who are on their third deployment (and are so-over-it) or through their third and survived it
(like you will).
...who have to learn more about and enroll in EFMP,
who get to throw a promotion party but don't know how,
who are contemplating what will it be like when retirement comes
wondering about relationships, and raising a family, and how to connect with others like them.
For all of them and all of those reasons, this song is for you:
MIL-SPOUSES
If there's something bad
that Murphy's done.
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
If there's something wrong
and it don't seem right
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
You ain't afraid of no ghosts
If you're worr-y-ing
'bout things "foreseen"
Who can ya call?
MIL-SPOUSES
Inconsolable kids
sleeping in your bed
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
You ain't afraid of no ghosts
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
If ya feel alone
pick up the phone
and call
MIL-SPOUSES
We ain't afraid of no ghosts
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
If you've had all you can take
with regs and tape
Ya better call
MIL-SPOUSES
Lemme tell ya something
It'll make you feel good!
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
You ain't afraid of no ghosts
Don't get caught alone no no
MIL-SPOUSES
When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
MIL-SPOUSES
We think you better call
MIL-SPOUSES
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
I can't hear you
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
Louder
MIL-SPOUSES
Who ya gonna call?
MIL-SPOUSES
If one won't respond, or they don't know the answer, there are 1,000,000+ more.
Call, text, facebook, get out and meet, mentor, and connect with other MIL-Spouses!
________
Assorted links from our Loving A Soldier and Army Wife Talk Radio (AWTR) archives:
Army Wife Life Terms and Conditions
Living the Life
Searchable Podcast Archives of AWTR
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What will it be like?
There are so many questions and scenarios going on in my head lately. For a few months now my husband and I have been sitting on the fact that we have decided that when his enlistment is up in two years that we will get out of the military.
The thing is, is that not being military is almost something I can’t fathom. I’ve been with my husband from the very beginning of his career and I’ve watched him grow from a boy unsure of himself to a leader who has the ability to instill confidence in his men. So, thinking about a life without P.T. or recall formations is almost like a fantasy!
What will it be like?
What will it be like to not wake up to phone calls in the middle of the night to have my husband called away?
What will it be like to have him home for dinner at a decent hour?
What will it be like with no more deployments or last minute training schedules?
What will it be like to have my husband here for birthdays and anniversaries?
What will it be like for him to coach our son’s baseball team?
On the other hand though....
What will be like to go without the camaraderie that we’ve only felt and seen with being in the military?
How will I get to cook for ten or more guys as we open our house to them for a BBQ?
How will I be able to be a positive influence on my community as I am with the FRG?
How am I going to be able to purchase and divulge in Commissary cupcakes if I don’t have a military i.d.?
See my dilemma?
Despite all these questions gifting us an eerie sense of excitement and uncertainty, we are looking forward to settling down somewhere on a quiet piece of land and not knowing what the next day will bring.
The thing is, is that not being military is almost something I can’t fathom. I’ve been with my husband from the very beginning of his career and I’ve watched him grow from a boy unsure of himself to a leader who has the ability to instill confidence in his men. So, thinking about a life without P.T. or recall formations is almost like a fantasy!
What will it be like?
What will it be like to not wake up to phone calls in the middle of the night to have my husband called away?
What will it be like to have him home for dinner at a decent hour?
What will it be like with no more deployments or last minute training schedules?
What will it be like to have my husband here for birthdays and anniversaries?
What will it be like for him to coach our son’s baseball team?
On the other hand though....
What will be like to go without the camaraderie that we’ve only felt and seen with being in the military?
How will I get to cook for ten or more guys as we open our house to them for a BBQ?
How will I be able to be a positive influence on my community as I am with the FRG?
How am I going to be able to purchase and divulge in Commissary cupcakes if I don’t have a military i.d.?
See my dilemma?
Despite all these questions gifting us an eerie sense of excitement and uncertainty, we are looking forward to settling down somewhere on a quiet piece of land and not knowing what the next day will bring.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Monday, March 26, 2012
What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger, Right?

I have to admit that just before I wrote this, I saw a friend of mine use this as her status update on Facebook. We are waiting for our husbands to come home from being away at training for a month. We just finished 2+ weeks of NO communication with our husbands. Just a few more days - that's what my husband just said to me on the phone. I feel like everything right now keeps telling me - just a few more days.
We moved back into our house, post-fire, about a month ago. We are STILL without a kitchen. The cabinets and counter tops were supposed to have been in before we moved back in, then it was the week after, then it was last Monday, which then got pushed to this past Friday, which is now Wednesday this week. Just a few more days.
In the meantime, I am SO sick and tired of eating out. I never thought I would say that, but at this point - 34 days of eating out is TOO much (for every meal). I have to give myself props. I've stayed away from Fast Food. Subway is the closest I've come to fast food (by the way, I LOVE Subway breakfast). A few other army wife friends have joined me for dinner or lunch here and there - which helps to make the lonliness go away a bit. I've experienced some new restaurants (Toby Keith's Bar and Grill - they have a burger called American Soldier), but frequented a lot of familiar ones that I like (Fridays, Buffalo Wild Wings, etc.). I've also tried to stay away from delivery - more because I just haven't been in the mood for pizza and I can't get steak delivered.
I've learned how strong I am through this. I have been here taking care of putting back together a house. My wonderful husband was gone for a 2 week school in January - every other day, it seemed, I was getting a call to pick out this or that for the house and to approve what they're doing. This time, I had to deal with furniture delivery.....and putting together some of that furniture and hanging curtains. Oh yeah, I've gotten REAL good with the power drill. :D Yes siree bob, I have. I've also hung blinds on my own and mounted 2 flag poles on our porch. For the most part, we're back to normal - just without a kitchen. All of our kitchen stuff is sitting in boxes in my dining room. I need them to go away. I've had so much going on that it really kept me productive during the 2 weeks of no communication. Now that I get to talk to my husband, it's a tease.
I had been good and not cried during our no communication time. Yesterday at church, I just lost it. I bawled through the whole service. Our pastor was showing us pictures and video from their trip to Liberia - where people are torn apart by war and electricity is scarce. I just sat there and sobbed. I need to keep tissues in my purse from now on. I went home and just chilled out the rest of the day and cried some more. I saw a saying on Pinterest that said Crying means you've been strong too long or something to that effect. I've been pretty good at getting through all the house stuff and getting ready for deployment.
My emotions are all over the place at the moment. Sometimes I just miss my husband, sometimes I'm angry at the fact that he's gone while I'm having to put this stuff back together. Sometimes, I'm just sad because I know we still have a year of this to go. Sometimes I'm just plain scared. At the same time, I feel relieved. I know that I'm doing this - living and experiencing life - with my best friend, my husband. The fire alone is an event that could have broken us, but instead it's made us stronger. Going through all of this has made us stronger. It's not killed us yet, but sometimes I don't feel like a strong person. Not until recently when my husband pointed out to me all that I've overcome these last few months especially. I'm getting through this. I am strong!
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AWTR Show 360: Cue Cards for Life
Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a conversation with Christina Steinorth, a licensed psychotherapist, author, and relationship expert. Her newest book “Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships” will be released in Spring 2012.
Resource of the Week: Southeastern Guide Dogs
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Resource of the Week: Southeastern Guide Dogs
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
“Loving A Soldier selected as Military Blogger of the Month by USAA!”
FOR IMMEADIATE RELEASE
CONTACT: ARMY WIFE NETWORK (AWN)
http://www.armywifenetwork.com/
info@armywifenetwork.com
1316 NW Sheridan Road PMB 303
Lawton, OK 73505
888-866-5041
LAWTON, OKLAHOMA- Army Wife Network’s co-founder, Tara Crooks, is recognized as the February 2012 Military Blogger of the Month presented by USAA. This designation is awarded to bloggers who play a significant role in the education and instruction of military members and their families.
Ms. Crooks’ blog, Loving A Soldier (LAS), has long been known for supporting military spouses and in turn the military member and their families. It has grown from her single voice as the originator to a collaborative effort of over twenty military spouses writing about their unique journey through military life. Loving A Soldier remains fresh and strong by recruiting new voices to represent the diverse backgrounds and perspectives that make up the military community. Recent posts include:
That “Deployment” Feeling by Tara, who also cohosts the live radio podcast Army Wife Talk Radio
Happiness … and Red Beans … by Army spouse Emily Grace blogging from Korea
If Momma Ain’t Happy by National Guard spouse Kris L. weathering their families first deployment
The designation is an honor and inspiration to AWN to continue their mission: Empowering the journeys of those who follow.
“We will do this by always providing relevant resources and information, networking (in person and online) opportunities, and expert advice that military families appreciate,” says Tara Crooks, co-founder of Army Wife Network.
Criteria for Military Blogger of the Month presented by USAA
The Military Blogger of the Month designation is presented to individuals or organizations that:
• Blog in support of military members and their families.
• Help educate audiences about military benefits.
• Demonstrate that they have military members’ best interests at heart by helping their audiences understand and aspire to financially healthy habits.
• Pass along valuable financial news and tips that…
o are based on research and the advice of Certified Financial Planners.™
o give military members peace of mind.
The mission of Army Wife Network is much like that of USAA – to educate and empower military families to make the most of their military lifestyle. It is a tremendous honor to have USAA recognize the dedication of Loving A Soldier bloggers in their efforts to achieve this mission.
About Army Wife Network
Army Wife Network is the internet’s leading website for Army Wives, by Army Wives. We boast the only internet talk radio show designed specifically for military spouses- Army Wife Talk Radio- in its sixth year of broadcasting. To find out more about AWN’s history and interactive empowerment tools, please visit our website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com/.
About USAA
USAA, United Services Automobile Association, provides insurance, banking, investment and retirement products and services to 8.8 million members of the U.S. military and their families. Known for its legendary commitment to its members, USAA is consistently recognized for outstanding service, employee well-being and financial strength. USAA membership is open to all who are serving or have honorably served our nation in the U.S. military – and their families. For more information about USAA, or to learn more about membership, visit USAA.com.
CONTACT: ARMY WIFE NETWORK (AWN)
http://www.armywifenetwork.com/
info@armywifenetwork.com
1316 NW Sheridan Road PMB 303
Lawton, OK 73505
888-866-5041
LAWTON, OKLAHOMA- Army Wife Network’s co-founder, Tara Crooks, is recognized as the February 2012 Military Blogger of the Month presented by USAA. This designation is awarded to bloggers who play a significant role in the education and instruction of military members and their families.
Ms. Crooks’ blog, Loving A Soldier (LAS), has long been known for supporting military spouses and in turn the military member and their families. It has grown from her single voice as the originator to a collaborative effort of over twenty military spouses writing about their unique journey through military life. Loving A Soldier remains fresh and strong by recruiting new voices to represent the diverse backgrounds and perspectives that make up the military community. Recent posts include:
That “Deployment” Feeling by Tara, who also cohosts the live radio podcast Army Wife Talk Radio
Happiness … and Red Beans … by Army spouse Emily Grace blogging from Korea
If Momma Ain’t Happy by National Guard spouse Kris L. weathering their families first deployment
The designation is an honor and inspiration to AWN to continue their mission: Empowering the journeys of those who follow.
“We will do this by always providing relevant resources and information, networking (in person and online) opportunities, and expert advice that military families appreciate,” says Tara Crooks, co-founder of Army Wife Network.
Criteria for Military Blogger of the Month presented by USAA
The Military Blogger of the Month designation is presented to individuals or organizations that:
• Blog in support of military members and their families.
• Help educate audiences about military benefits.
• Demonstrate that they have military members’ best interests at heart by helping their audiences understand and aspire to financially healthy habits.
• Pass along valuable financial news and tips that…
o are based on research and the advice of Certified Financial Planners.™
o give military members peace of mind.
The mission of Army Wife Network is much like that of USAA – to educate and empower military families to make the most of their military lifestyle. It is a tremendous honor to have USAA recognize the dedication of Loving A Soldier bloggers in their efforts to achieve this mission.
About Army Wife Network
Army Wife Network is the internet’s leading website for Army Wives, by Army Wives. We boast the only internet talk radio show designed specifically for military spouses- Army Wife Talk Radio- in its sixth year of broadcasting. To find out more about AWN’s history and interactive empowerment tools, please visit our website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com/.
About USAA
USAA, United Services Automobile Association, provides insurance, banking, investment and retirement products and services to 8.8 million members of the U.S. military and their families. Known for its legendary commitment to its members, USAA is consistently recognized for outstanding service, employee well-being and financial strength. USAA membership is open to all who are serving or have honorably served our nation in the U.S. military – and their families. For more information about USAA, or to learn more about membership, visit USAA.com.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Monday, March 19, 2012
AWTR Show 359: SaveandInvest.org - Military Spouse Financial Fellowship
Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a talk with Gerri Walsh from SaveandInvest.org. We’ll be talking about their Military Spouse Financial Fellowship – something our very own Star Henderson has experienced first-hand.
Resource of the Week: Sand Soldiers of America
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Resource of the Week: Sand Soldiers of America
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Life is short. Running makes it feel longer.
So, I did it. I. Did. It. Yesterday, March 18, 2012, I, your resident fat girl, ran her very first 5K in 39:11. It was not easy for me; my time wasn't great; I slowed the people I was running with down; and I wanted to give up. A lot. But. Out of the 39 minutes, I walked for two. I've never run for that long at one shot before, and the only reasons why I made it are twofold: 1.) My best friend, Shawna, and her friend, Scarlett, pushed me like I've never been pushed to keep going, and 2.) I realized at 4KM that I was good enough. I'm good enough to finish a 5K. I'm good enough to not give up on myself. I'm good enough to keep going. That probably sounds strange, but it's what got me through it. My whole life I've been putting limitations on myself because I'm fat. "I can't ____ because I'm fat." Fill in the blank however you want; run, be more outgoing, venture out. I have lost 84 pounds, but at the end of the day, I am still "fat minded" and put arbitrary limitations on myself. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm working on trying to figure that out.
I won't bore you with long ramblings, because I have just so many pictures to show you, but I want to describe to you what I mean by "fat minded." Shawna, her friend Scarlett, and I decorated t-shirts for the 5K. I bought myself a men's 2XL shirt to decorate (Thank you, Pinterest, for the bleach pen idea!) but, here's the thing -- I don't wear a men's 2XL anymore. I wear a women's XL. I've emblazoned in my head that even though I've lost weight, I'm still too fat to buy "normal sized" clothes. The shirt was way too big on me. Shawna had to work her magic to tighten up, and she did a great job, but it got me thinking, though -- I'm stuck. When am I going to recognize what I've accomplished? My body is changing, but my mind isn't keeping up. When I was running the 5K, I wanted to stop. Why? Because I was convinced I HAD to. Fat girls can't run a 5K without stopping. Well, not at least this fat girl. I stopped because I thought I was supposed to.
I want to tell you something, and I want you to read this very carefully and read it again and again: You are good enough. You are better than you will EVER give yourself credit for. You make a difference, and people care about you. You may not be the best, but if you do YOUR best, then that's friggin' good enough. You don't have to be first; you just have to finish. Start putting yourself first, and your mind will be blown. Trust me. You're good enough.
I wanted to cry when we crossed the finish line. It was a sense of accomplishment coupled with a hazy delirium wrapped into one big emotional experience. If I had functioning tear ducts or was more tender-hearted, I would've cried. Instead, I stared at Shawna a lot and thanked her for pushing me. I got so much love and support from friends on Facebook, it warmed my heart. Then on the way home, I was laughed at by Koreans, and they took pictures of me because I looked ridiculous on the subway. That's what the universe calls "balance."
With that being said, here are pictures of the shenanigans of the Seoul Open Marathon. :)
Makeup and hair at 0600!
My best friend, Shawna.
Shawna and me, catching the bus in Yangju, South Korea, at 0615!
On the train with Scarlett, Shawna's friend. We ran together!
Olympic Stadium in Seoul, South Korea. The starting point!
Getting lost trying to find the Seoul Flyers Running Club tent to get our bibs. We had fun getting lost.
Found the tent and got our bibs!
We met WONDERFUL people along the way. Here's Becki from Wales. :)
I have no idea who he was, but he was very excited about taking a picture with us. I, however, was confused.
Kids who were running the 5K, too. Needless to say, they beat us...
We had a lot of fun waiting for the Half Marathoners to get going.
Katchi Kapshida means "We go together" in Korean.
It's the United States Forces' catchphrase in regard to our relationship with South Korea.
Aaaaaaand it's time to stretch.
The Koreans were synchronized stretching, and they also rubbed each other's shoulders!
Yeah. That happened.
Almost time for the 5K runners to start running!
That is literally all of the 5K runners. Thousands were running the full marathon, half marathon, and the 10K.
We were the special group!
We're running! Shawna isn't checking her phone and running, although it looks like that. Hahaha.
She's trying to turn the camera on her phone on.
There's that little kid running back to the finish line... He did a great job!
Scarlett, Shawna, and I are at the finish line! We did it!
We got our own medals!
Never mind the fact that the 5KM on our medal is a sticker...
Post run meal...
It was the most fun I've had exercising. We're already signed up for a 10K in May!
I want to leave you with this: If you want to do something but you're too scared to do it, you're missing out.
You are what's stopping you from greatness.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Friday, March 16, 2012
AWTR Show 358: The Road Home
Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a chat with one of our very favorite authors, Elaine Dumler. Elaine’s book “I’m Already Home… Again” is one of our personal favs! She’ll be here to talk about her new book geared to reunions – “The Road Home.”
Resource of the Week: Triwest
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Resource of the Week: Triwest
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The only way to define your limits is by going beyond them.
In three days, at 230 pounds, I am going to run in my very first 5K. Yep. Fat girls can run, believe it or not. I may not be graceful or fast or have functioning legs when I cross the finish line, but I will cross the finish line. In my last blog, I mentioned the 5K, and I was genuinely surprised by how many people have since decided to start running. It's one of the many reasons why I love blogging for the Army WIfe Network; I get to reach out to so many people and reiterate the fact that we are in this together.
With that being said, the 5K is this Sunday, and I am scared out of my mind. I have been training for the last eight weeks for it, so it's not like I rolled out of bed and decided I was going to run 3.1 miles for funsies in the Seoul Open Marathon. I am not even exactly sure what I am afraid of -- I just know that I am. There are so many things racing through my mind. I'm worried about slowing my best friend down. (Shawna is running with me, because there's no way I'd do it by myself!) I'm worried about people mocking the fat girl who thinks she can run. I'm worried about falling. I'm worried about looking dumb. Well, to remedy the "worried about looking dumb" part, Shawna and I decided we are going to dress up like we're stuck in the 80s. Black spandex, leg warmers, fishnet gloves, over-sized t-shirt tied in a knot. Oh, yeah. It's happening. I think the reasons why I agreed to dress up are: 1.) I don't really like saying no to Shawna, and 2.) If they are going to stare at me, I want to at least give them something to stare at. I'm incredibly self-conscious, and the self-confidence I exude is usually me putting on a show. (You've heard of "Fake it 'til you make it," right? Yeah…)
I have crippling anxiety, and I decided to just stop it, stop letting it dictate how my life was going to turn out. I am going to make my own memories and stop living a life of "I wish I had …" or "I should have …" So, I'm going to do it. I might be scared, but I am going to let the fear carry me across the finish line, not keep me from the starting line.
Oh, and for giggles, I am going to post pictures on Monday of Shawna and I dressed up for our run.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Let's hear it for the boys
Since I have joined the Army Wife Network team I have tried my hardest to be gender neutral in any topics I post about on our facebook page or that I blog about. I didn't join the team to be the outspoken advocate for men married to female soldiers, but when it comes down to who I currently am, an advocate for us Military MANspouses is exactly what I am these days.
I have several topics I have been wanting to blog about lately but this one has been on my mind for some time and I figure I better write it so I can get the monkey off my back.
Imagine if you will that there are two identical battalions of 1,000 soldiers. Both battalions are identical in every way. They perform the same mission, they are trained the exact same way and the same resources are available to both. But each and every time these two identical battalions go out on a mission one suffers 30 casualties and the other 100. The casualty report a few years ago showed that for the same battalions that one received 25 casualties and the other 80, but something has continued to make the casualty rate grow significantly for one of them.
Should that scenario I just mentioned be true with a casualty being loss of life, I would venture to guess there would be an inquiry as to what was causing one battalion to lose so many more soldiers than the other. After all, they are identical in every way. So why is there not any known inquiry's going on to look into the casualties that are taking place every year that are a direct reflection of those numbers I just mentioned?
I said both those battalions were identical in every way, well that isn't entirely true with the point I am trying to make. One of those battalions is made up of entirely men and the other entirely of women. But still, every aspect of training and resources remains the same.
The casualties I am referring to also aren't loss of life, they are loss of marriages. New numbers reported this year tell us that the male service member is divorcing at a rate of 3% while the female service member is divorcing at a rate of 10%. When you look at the statistics used in percentage form I don't think it is as eye popping as when you look at it the way I showed you by comparing 30 casualties to 100 casualties. While a divorce is far from losing ones life, for any of us who have experienced divorce we know there is a pain that digs and digs and digs. Especially when children are involved. We can say all we want that divorce doesn't lead to bad things and that some kids grow up just fine living in a home that has been through a divorce, but statistics tell us that there is an overwhelming large number of children(and adults) who endure adverse effects due to the separation.
So why is there this gigantic discrepancy between the amount of marriages ending for a female soldier compared to her male counterpart? I have my assumptions, but for the purpose of this blog I will hold them back. I do however want you to consider some things:
It's feeling like spring time here in Kansas. I have an OVERRRRRRRR ACTIVE 2 1/2 year old. We go to playgroup regularly but with my wife now home and us being a one car family it sometimes makes getting there a challenge. Lucky for us we literally live right across the street from a beautiful park here on post. Once we get to the park he runs until he can't run anymore with me hovering over him(he's a runner-so I kinda have to). But I notice that there is a good 50/50 split in the reception to me from the other moms who will be out there. Some are cordial, and some are downright scared. You can tell in their body language that they are unsure of this big burly man coming to the park. And God forbid when their young child comes running over to me and tugs at my pants because they want me to either play with them or pick them up. You would think by the reaction of some of the moms that they just saw my face on the TV associated with an Amber Alert.
It's easy for me to stroll over to the park with my son, alone. But sometimes it would be nice to engage in some adult conversation while I am there. I wish I could say I could call up some "friends" to meet at the park, but due to the difference in sexes that is easier said than done. Now I know... some of you are thinking it's no big deal. But I ask you, how would you feel if your husband got a phone call from one of his female soldiers to meet him and your kid at the park? OK, so some of you still are cool with that, but let me assure you that 95% of men would not be cool with their wife meeting some dude, alone, at a park. So in order for me to make play dates at the park I must either set it up as a group play date or just blast on my facebook page I am going to the park without inviting anyone individually.
This all seems so petty and you may be wondering what in the heck it has to do with the divorce rate I was talking about earlier, but I believe the two go hand in hand. Society isn't all that accepting of stay at home dads. Sure we get the "awwww... that's so beautiful. You are such a sweet man." crap, but really, how sweet am I when I am like every other stay at home parent and sometimes want to lock my child in a room? With duct tape on his mouth. And duct tape strapping him to a wall.**Before you call child services, I am not going to do that. I don't think**
A few weeks ago when AWN was having our team meeting I jokingly said "Military MANspouses need their own month to recognize us and raise awareness about us. there's a month, week or day for everything else." And while I was totally kidding Star says "Military MANspouse March". I laughed but after awhiile I became sold on that.
I don't want to be an advocate for the male military spouse, but if I don't, who will? I read articles written by other MANspouses and they all same the same thing, "We feel disconnected. We just want to fit in. We want you to know we are here too.... blah blah blah!!!". I keep hearing all this talk and there is only one guy I know of who is taking the proactive approach to bring us men together. Not because we are different than the female MILspouse, but because we are different than the female MILspouse. Yes, you read that right.
So ladies, next time you are at the park, don't stare at the male MILspouse like you just saw him on "To Catch a Predator", go engage him. Know your boundaries and be sure he knows his, but tell him hello.
The next time your FRG is planning a night out, maybe skip the mani/pedi event and catch a local ballgame. Or don't make it an FRG event.
At some point the government will have to change their resiliency training to SPECIFICALLY TARGET female service members, but until these wars settle down and they can regroup and refocus as we downsize, it is up to us MILspouses to make everyone feel welcome. From the folks who just became part of our family with the repeal of DADT to the fiancees who are left behind as well.
But for now... Let's hear it for the boys. After all, it is still Military MANspouse March!!!
I have several topics I have been wanting to blog about lately but this one has been on my mind for some time and I figure I better write it so I can get the monkey off my back.
Imagine if you will that there are two identical battalions of 1,000 soldiers. Both battalions are identical in every way. They perform the same mission, they are trained the exact same way and the same resources are available to both. But each and every time these two identical battalions go out on a mission one suffers 30 casualties and the other 100. The casualty report a few years ago showed that for the same battalions that one received 25 casualties and the other 80, but something has continued to make the casualty rate grow significantly for one of them.
Should that scenario I just mentioned be true with a casualty being loss of life, I would venture to guess there would be an inquiry as to what was causing one battalion to lose so many more soldiers than the other. After all, they are identical in every way. So why is there not any known inquiry's going on to look into the casualties that are taking place every year that are a direct reflection of those numbers I just mentioned?
I said both those battalions were identical in every way, well that isn't entirely true with the point I am trying to make. One of those battalions is made up of entirely men and the other entirely of women. But still, every aspect of training and resources remains the same.
The casualties I am referring to also aren't loss of life, they are loss of marriages. New numbers reported this year tell us that the male service member is divorcing at a rate of 3% while the female service member is divorcing at a rate of 10%. When you look at the statistics used in percentage form I don't think it is as eye popping as when you look at it the way I showed you by comparing 30 casualties to 100 casualties. While a divorce is far from losing ones life, for any of us who have experienced divorce we know there is a pain that digs and digs and digs. Especially when children are involved. We can say all we want that divorce doesn't lead to bad things and that some kids grow up just fine living in a home that has been through a divorce, but statistics tell us that there is an overwhelming large number of children(and adults) who endure adverse effects due to the separation.
So why is there this gigantic discrepancy between the amount of marriages ending for a female soldier compared to her male counterpart? I have my assumptions, but for the purpose of this blog I will hold them back. I do however want you to consider some things:
It's feeling like spring time here in Kansas. I have an OVERRRRRRRR ACTIVE 2 1/2 year old. We go to playgroup regularly but with my wife now home and us being a one car family it sometimes makes getting there a challenge. Lucky for us we literally live right across the street from a beautiful park here on post. Once we get to the park he runs until he can't run anymore with me hovering over him(he's a runner-so I kinda have to). But I notice that there is a good 50/50 split in the reception to me from the other moms who will be out there. Some are cordial, and some are downright scared. You can tell in their body language that they are unsure of this big burly man coming to the park. And God forbid when their young child comes running over to me and tugs at my pants because they want me to either play with them or pick them up. You would think by the reaction of some of the moms that they just saw my face on the TV associated with an Amber Alert.
It's easy for me to stroll over to the park with my son, alone. But sometimes it would be nice to engage in some adult conversation while I am there. I wish I could say I could call up some "friends" to meet at the park, but due to the difference in sexes that is easier said than done. Now I know... some of you are thinking it's no big deal. But I ask you, how would you feel if your husband got a phone call from one of his female soldiers to meet him and your kid at the park? OK, so some of you still are cool with that, but let me assure you that 95% of men would not be cool with their wife meeting some dude, alone, at a park. So in order for me to make play dates at the park I must either set it up as a group play date or just blast on my facebook page I am going to the park without inviting anyone individually.
This all seems so petty and you may be wondering what in the heck it has to do with the divorce rate I was talking about earlier, but I believe the two go hand in hand. Society isn't all that accepting of stay at home dads. Sure we get the "awwww... that's so beautiful. You are such a sweet man." crap, but really, how sweet am I when I am like every other stay at home parent and sometimes want to lock my child in a room? With duct tape on his mouth. And duct tape strapping him to a wall.**Before you call child services, I am not going to do that. I don't think**
A few weeks ago when AWN was having our team meeting I jokingly said "Military MANspouses need their own month to recognize us and raise awareness about us. there's a month, week or day for everything else." And while I was totally kidding Star says "Military MANspouse March". I laughed but after awhiile I became sold on that.
I don't want to be an advocate for the male military spouse, but if I don't, who will? I read articles written by other MANspouses and they all same the same thing, "We feel disconnected. We just want to fit in. We want you to know we are here too.... blah blah blah!!!". I keep hearing all this talk and there is only one guy I know of who is taking the proactive approach to bring us men together. Not because we are different than the female MILspouse, but because we are different than the female MILspouse. Yes, you read that right.
So ladies, next time you are at the park, don't stare at the male MILspouse like you just saw him on "To Catch a Predator", go engage him. Know your boundaries and be sure he knows his, but tell him hello.
The next time your FRG is planning a night out, maybe skip the mani/pedi event and catch a local ballgame. Or don't make it an FRG event.
At some point the government will have to change their resiliency training to SPECIFICALLY TARGET female service members, but until these wars settle down and they can regroup and refocus as we downsize, it is up to us MILspouses to make everyone feel welcome. From the folks who just became part of our family with the repeal of DADT to the fiancees who are left behind as well.
But for now... Let's hear it for the boys. After all, it is still Military MANspouse March!!!
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
No, I’m not and you can’t make me! Change…that is.

Boy, how many times have we felt THAT? There are those reading this right now that doesn’t think there is any way I am talking to them. Guess what? Hey you, yeah you’re the one I am talking to right after I remove myself from in front of the mirror where I have given myself a little pep-talk!
I have signed up for a 3-part webinar titled, Everyone Ready! (ER) Managing Change (and Dealing with Resistance to It!). This webinar is more geared to volunteers but can be applied to every area of our life. So far, I’ve only attended part 1, but the information given has really provoked me to pause and think of things in my own life and how that change is perceived and dealt with on all levels. Whether I am affected by a change or I am the one directly responsible for the change.
Professionally speaking, I recently took a promotion and as management, I cause change but personally speaking I am also in a position where I have to deal with change. My youngest child, my only son, will turn 18 years old in May and just a few days later will graduate from high school. Hopefully on his way to college and serving our country upon graduation but there is also the possibility that he will follow in his father's footsteps and join the military right out of high school while pursuing his college degree. So there is a change I will have to deal with. MY empty nest (I will still have a 14-year old step-son so we won't totally be empty nesters...smile). How will I navigate my way?
Professor Ronald Lippitt, a behavioral scientist, identified seven stages of change that people move through when faced with a new situation. This was in the late 1950’s and I don’t see where it has changed at all. Lippett confirmed that everyone moves through the change process at different paces; sometimes revisiting a stage more than once or maybe even skipping one or two. Here they are:
1. The shock stage – no way!
2. The disbelief stage – really? Are you sure?
3. The guilt stage – am I the reason for the change?
4. The projection stage – sometimes called the “blame game”, if it wasn’t for this or that…
5. The rationalization stage – trying to figure out why the change
6. The integration stage – okay, so I’ll try it…sometimes reluctantly
7. The acceptance or rejection stage – smiles or temper tantrums!
I know you have heard about these “stages of change”. Whether it is something like PCSing for the 10th time!, a deployment, a reunion, a job change, a family change, or unfortunately something tragic like sickness, disease or death. We all have to deal with change. It is difficult to recognize these changes for ourselves but it should help you meet the needs of those around you.
And, let’s face it, this military life is ALL about being there for one another! I think we do a pretty awesome job.
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Friday, March 09, 2012
Redeployment "nesting": Or, How dirty are my blinds?
As many of you know, this is my first deployment as an Army wife. And finally this deployment is nearing its end, praise be! I find myself doing what I never did with either of my children, I am "nesting". At least that's what I think it is. All of a sudden, I am on a whirlwind of cleaning. How can I have gone for 10 months without regard to the cleanliness of my window blinds? They are filthy! They must be sanitized! The baseboards are being scrubbed, and will probably be repainted. How much does it cost to rent a powerwasher? I have a sudden compulsion to powerwash the outside of my house.
Yesterday it was yardwork. I am equal parts too cheap, too out of shape, and too in need of a tan to have someone else come out and do yardwork for me. I'm sorry, you want 4 months worth of my husband's hazardous duty pay to do my lawn? It's my LAWN. Not the Kennedy compound. Psssht. 2 hours later, the front yard was finally raked to my satisfaction. I have found that lawn care here at my house in Georgia is a lot different than lawn care at my folks' house. For one thing, I have to RAKE here. It's these dang pine trees, leaving pine cones and needles everywhere. For another, my house sits on a gently sloping hill. But when it comes time to mow, that 'gently sloping hill' is more like Mount Everest. Is it any wonder that I have no problem mowing the lawn for my dad? His lawn is tree-less and flat, and he has a riding lawnmower. I am putting the stipulation "tree-less, flat lawn" in my retirement house book, right next to "5 miles away from the closest neighbor". Oh, come on. You know you have a retirement house book, too. ;)
I cannot even say that I am cleaning like this because Big Sarge is a neat freak. Though we do have different standards of clean. His are closer to "Martha Stewart" and mine hover around "Hoarding: Buried Alive". Not the roaches one, the one where they store everything in Rubbermaid totes. Oooh....Rubbermaid totes....I just want everything to be PERFECT when he gets back. Perfect house, perfect kids, perfect wife. And I am enough of a realist to accept that he might get one out of the three.
Yesterday it was yardwork. I am equal parts too cheap, too out of shape, and too in need of a tan to have someone else come out and do yardwork for me. I'm sorry, you want 4 months worth of my husband's hazardous duty pay to do my lawn? It's my LAWN. Not the Kennedy compound. Psssht. 2 hours later, the front yard was finally raked to my satisfaction. I have found that lawn care here at my house in Georgia is a lot different than lawn care at my folks' house. For one thing, I have to RAKE here. It's these dang pine trees, leaving pine cones and needles everywhere. For another, my house sits on a gently sloping hill. But when it comes time to mow, that 'gently sloping hill' is more like Mount Everest. Is it any wonder that I have no problem mowing the lawn for my dad? His lawn is tree-less and flat, and he has a riding lawnmower. I am putting the stipulation "tree-less, flat lawn" in my retirement house book, right next to "5 miles away from the closest neighbor". Oh, come on. You know you have a retirement house book, too. ;)
I cannot even say that I am cleaning like this because Big Sarge is a neat freak. Though we do have different standards of clean. His are closer to "Martha Stewart" and mine hover around "Hoarding: Buried Alive". Not the roaches one, the one where they store everything in Rubbermaid totes. Oooh....Rubbermaid totes....I just want everything to be PERFECT when he gets back. Perfect house, perfect kids, perfect wife. And I am enough of a realist to accept that he might get one out of the three.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Monday, March 05, 2012
AWTR Show 357: Negotiating Reintegration
Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio a talk with Leanne Knobloch, an associate professor in the Department of Communication at the University of Illinois. Her research focuses on how romantic couples communicate during times of transition within marriage. For the past couple of years, she has been studying how military couples negotiate the reunion period following deployment.
Resource of the Week: Schofield Strategies
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Resource of the Week: Schofield Strategies
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to read the rest of this post.
HELP.... I'm a city girl stuck in Army USA!
Not so very long ago there was a girl. A city girl. From Detroit. When she was very young her parents packed her and her big sister up and moved the family to Florida. No, not po-dunk Florida; Tampa. a city. A big city. For years she grew happily doing things city folk do; namely shopping and eating and shopping some more. While in college this girl had dreams of graduating, going on to Law School and living in an even bigger city. Then she met a boy. A Soldier boy (well, not really... he was Air Force first, but Airman boy sounds stupid).
Soldier guy and I married and soon after had our first little munchkin join the fam. Our first duty station was not bad at all. We were at Davis Monthan AFB in Tucson Arizona, which is a big city with all of the necessary outlets to make me a very happy girl. For, not only did Tucson have a Target, but also a mall. I had no idea at the time how greatly I should appreciate that glorious mall. I guess I was spoiled because just after Davis Monthan the Army called and said head East fair friends towards Texas. And, so it was that we made our home just within Texas at fort Bliss for 4 very loooonnnggg years. Again I was blessed to be in a larger city. for El Paso also had a nice selection of 5 Walmarts, 4 Targets, 3 Food Warehouses (costco-sams), 2 Shopping Malls and 1 nice Border cross~ing. I had no idea what I was in for because, apparently, there is no other base with those amenities.
Since the years of big city living, the Army has really thrown a wrench in this city gals plans. Not only did the soldier guy who makes all the plans for soldier moves grace me with life on the prairies of Fort Sill, Oklahoma, but within the very same year he thought it would be good to move me to Fort Stewart, Georgia. Just so ya'll (I like to use the term ya'll now cause I feel like I fit in) know for future reference, neither Fort Sill or Fort Stewart have a Target within 45 minutes. No really, I'm not joking. AT ALL. Do you know how hard it is for me to find things to do with my time? This town has two mecca's of browsing glory and they are Walmart and Bealls Outlet. On the plus side, it is a definite money saver.
I think, in the grand scheme of things, now would be a very good time to tackle that Law degree. But, oh yeah, it is guaran-dern-teed that we will inevitably move again within the next three years. School is outta the question. Anywho, the purpose to this seemingly purposeless blog is to ask you all for some ideas... the great ladies of the world need to get this girl outta this small town funk. Because, it seems that in the Army, small town may be as good as it gets.
Soldier guy and I married and soon after had our first little munchkin join the fam. Our first duty station was not bad at all. We were at Davis Monthan AFB in Tucson Arizona, which is a big city with all of the necessary outlets to make me a very happy girl. For, not only did Tucson have a Target, but also a mall. I had no idea at the time how greatly I should appreciate that glorious mall. I guess I was spoiled because just after Davis Monthan the Army called and said head East fair friends towards Texas. And, so it was that we made our home just within Texas at fort Bliss for 4 very loooonnnggg years. Again I was blessed to be in a larger city. for El Paso also had a nice selection of 5 Walmarts, 4 Targets, 3 Food Warehouses (costco-sams), 2 Shopping Malls and 1 nice Border cross~ing. I had no idea what I was in for because, apparently, there is no other base with those amenities.
Since the years of big city living, the Army has really thrown a wrench in this city gals plans. Not only did the soldier guy who makes all the plans for soldier moves grace me with life on the prairies of Fort Sill, Oklahoma, but within the very same year he thought it would be good to move me to Fort Stewart, Georgia. Just so ya'll (I like to use the term ya'll now cause I feel like I fit in) know for future reference, neither Fort Sill or Fort Stewart have a Target within 45 minutes. No really, I'm not joking. AT ALL. Do you know how hard it is for me to find things to do with my time? This town has two mecca's of browsing glory and they are Walmart and Bealls Outlet. On the plus side, it is a definite money saver.
I think, in the grand scheme of things, now would be a very good time to tackle that Law degree. But, oh yeah, it is guaran-dern-teed that we will inevitably move again within the next three years. School is outta the question. Anywho, the purpose to this seemingly purposeless blog is to ask you all for some ideas... the great ladies of the world need to get this girl outta this small town funk. Because, it seems that in the Army, small town may be as good as it gets.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Space-A Adventure!
In July of 2010 my family and I took an amazing trip to Europe. We visited Germany, Belgium, France & Ireland and were able to see all of our military friends along the way. We had heard about Space Available (Space A) travel before but always found it mysterious and cumbersome. At the risk of having to cancel our trip because of the cost of our commercial airline tickets we decided to get serious and dig deep into the Space A process.
The first thing we learned (and the main advice I can now pass on) was that you need to be flexible, plan for the unexpected, and be ready for anything. In our case we had thirty days of leave and we only wished to be OCONUS for about eighteen days. We had some flex time. After much research and many questions to those that had gone before us we have gathered some great tips to share with you.
Expectation Management & Attitude Adjustments
The first thing you need to do is manage your expectations. If you are expecting to travel on a tight schedule, to not wait in a line, to not have your travel diverted to another route, or to be waited on by a flight attendant then Space A travel is not for you. If you adjust your attitude up front to expect that you’ll be doing the military “hurry up and wait” game, you might arrive a day later than you wished, and that you will have to get your own drink, you’ll be good to go! When we were flying we had a blast but I could see how someone who didn’t like to trek it “military style” would be highly annoyed with this process.
Have a Game Plan
You can do a little research and figure out where you can leave from and what flights are your best bets. There isn’t a strict flight schedule but most bases fly back and forth to the same locations. A good place to see this is on Pepperd’s message boards http://www.pepperd.com/vb/forum.php under Flight Schedules.
Each location has a phone number and/or a website that you can view the flight “show times”. A very helpful list is located here: http://www.amc.af.mil/amctravel/amctravelcontacts.asp The “show time” is the no later than time that you need to be in the terminal (ready to board) and signed in for the flight. Remember Space A seats are normally identified as early as 3-4 hours and as late as 30 minutes prior to departure.
Process your Paperwork & Register
Every installation has an expert in Space A travel who will know what paperwork to submit and what you’ll need to travel. Circumstances vary, so it will depend on what you’re doing how this process works. No matter what, before you even start your travel be sure that you have all the paperwork you need, including your passports. Nothing is worse than having all your luggage (and children) in tow and being told that you forgot a piece of paper and have to start over. To find out more about travel documents needed visit this page: http://www.amc.af.mil/amctravel/travelguidance.asp.
Last but not least, do not forget to register the soonest possible moment (i.e. the second that your soldier is on leave or if you are traveling without him the second you are authorized travel). You can register in person at the Air Mobility Command passenger terminal or you can fax or mail your request. There is a great place to do this online at www.takeahop.com. Don’t forget to register for your return flight as well.
Know your Category
Along the same lines of paperwork, you need to know your Space A category and if you are eligible for travel. To find out more about categories visit this site: http://www.amc.af.mil/amctravel/spaceatravelcategories.asp.
Cost
When we traveled our only cost on the Space A plane was our food. Our entire family ate for seventeen dollars. Some terminals must collect a head tax or a federal inspection fee from Space A passengers on commercial contract missions. Still, this fee is very nominal.
Packing & Luggage
http://www.amc.af.mil/amctravel/baggageallowances.asp gives a great list of baggage restrictions. We found that packing each of us a backpack full of snacks, reading materials, games, laptop, and music was very helpful. There are outlets on the military aircraft and you can charge your electronics. I also recommend packing a pillow and a blanket as you are able to leave your seat and “camp” on the floor of the aircraft.
Do Your Prior Proper Planning
The most nerve calming thing that I did before our trip was research the locations we thought we might fly out of or in to. I found nearby transportation, hotels, and restaurants. I scoured the internet to find out more about the passenger terminal and what it had available. For some, I even found documents that listed all of this helpful information.
In the end, we saved over three thousand dollars on our trip and had an amazing journey. If you asked me today if I would recommend Space A I’d give you (and I’m sure my family would agree) an overwhelming “YES”! Did we have bumps in the road, cancelled flights, and travel hiccups? Sure. Our adventure was so fun that those hiccups seemed minor. After all, who can say that they’ve ridden in the belly of a C17 cargo plane? I can!
For more Space A information visit our Space A page on Army Wife Network.
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Thursday, March 01, 2012
The "Good" Out of Deployment
This year, the month of March marks a new "anniversary" for our family...one year ago we began our first deployment. A year ago we entered this month with nervousness and apprehension, not knowing what the coming months would bring for our family. My husband didn't actually leave until the later half of the month, but still we had now entered March, the month he would be leaving. Deployment was no longer a year away or months away, it now had become a matter of days. We spent the remaining days together as a family, trying to cram in last minute outings and celebrations that would be missed in the coming year. But we also spent that month just wishing for it to be over. We had known about the deployment for 18 months and by this point we were ready to stop talking about it. We didn't look forward to the day we would have to say goodbye, but at the same time we just wanted it to be over with. March was a tough month last year.
But this year, March has a different feel to it. My husband has been home for almost three months now and things are starting to fall back into place. We still have our rough times but we are all beginning to feel like the deployment was just a distant memory. And we can also look back upon the deployment and see the good that has come out of it. A year ago, I never would have thought anything good could come from being separated from my husband for many months, but now I can look back and see the good that did indeed come from it.
First and foremost, we survived. My husband came home to us, safe and sound. My kids missed their dad, but they knew his job was important and they remained strong throughout the long months without him. I survived being a single parent for 10 months while working full-time and holding down the homefront. It may not have always been pretty or calm, but we survived.
We learned to communicate. When your only methods of staying in touch are through horrible Skype connections and brief Facebook chats, you learn what things are important to say and what things can be saved for later. You also learn how important it is to say things like "I love you," and "I'm proud of you" when you never know when the next time will be that you will speak to your loved one. Effective communication becomes a must!
I learned independence, but I also learned how to ask for help. In the first weeks of the deployment, Murphy visited our house. Everything fell apart. Literally. The kids got sick. The washing machine broke. The furnace broke. A possum took up residence in the garage. A bird build a nest in the dryer vent. And the list went on. I quickly became a master at Internet searching how to fix problems, even coming to the point that I was able to successfully diagnose, tear apart, and rebuild our washing machine all by myself. That was a pretty proud moment! But at the same time, I learned what my limits were. I am one of those who does not like to ask for help, preferring to suffer in silence while grumbling the whole time. Not one of my greatest characteristics for sure, but the deployment taught me how to recognize when I needed help and that it was really OK to ask for that help. I was amazed when I finally did ask for help. People eagerly pitched in whenever asked, they just didn't know how to help until I finally spoke up. Then they were incredibly willing to help.
We gained strength we did not know we had. On the toughest days, when I thought the deployment would never end and I felt like a failure, I found strength I didn't know existed to carry me through. Those days seemed to never end at the beginning, but the longer the deployment wore on, the stronger I became and the more confident I knew that we were going to make it successfully to the end.
Most importantly, our family learned what was really important in our lives...each other. Things that before had seemed so important, like new gadgets and a bigger house, just didn't seem as important any longer. All that we truly wanted was to be together as a family again. We gained an appreciation for each other and the small pet peeves that we had before just didn't seem as bothersome as they did before. Now that the deployment is over, I do have to remind myself of this as the real world has crept it's way back in to our lives, but we still have a greater appreciation for our family and for being together. We prefer to spend our free time together versus apart.
While the deployment was hard and I do not look forward to the next one, there was some good that came out of it. I know that we will survive the next one and that we will be even stronger after it too. I truly believe that we are a stronger family for all that we went through, but it was certainly a long, crazy road to get there!
But this year, March has a different feel to it. My husband has been home for almost three months now and things are starting to fall back into place. We still have our rough times but we are all beginning to feel like the deployment was just a distant memory. And we can also look back upon the deployment and see the good that has come out of it. A year ago, I never would have thought anything good could come from being separated from my husband for many months, but now I can look back and see the good that did indeed come from it.
First and foremost, we survived. My husband came home to us, safe and sound. My kids missed their dad, but they knew his job was important and they remained strong throughout the long months without him. I survived being a single parent for 10 months while working full-time and holding down the homefront. It may not have always been pretty or calm, but we survived.
We learned to communicate. When your only methods of staying in touch are through horrible Skype connections and brief Facebook chats, you learn what things are important to say and what things can be saved for later. You also learn how important it is to say things like "I love you," and "I'm proud of you" when you never know when the next time will be that you will speak to your loved one. Effective communication becomes a must!
I learned independence, but I also learned how to ask for help. In the first weeks of the deployment, Murphy visited our house. Everything fell apart. Literally. The kids got sick. The washing machine broke. The furnace broke. A possum took up residence in the garage. A bird build a nest in the dryer vent. And the list went on. I quickly became a master at Internet searching how to fix problems, even coming to the point that I was able to successfully diagnose, tear apart, and rebuild our washing machine all by myself. That was a pretty proud moment! But at the same time, I learned what my limits were. I am one of those who does not like to ask for help, preferring to suffer in silence while grumbling the whole time. Not one of my greatest characteristics for sure, but the deployment taught me how to recognize when I needed help and that it was really OK to ask for that help. I was amazed when I finally did ask for help. People eagerly pitched in whenever asked, they just didn't know how to help until I finally spoke up. Then they were incredibly willing to help.
We gained strength we did not know we had. On the toughest days, when I thought the deployment would never end and I felt like a failure, I found strength I didn't know existed to carry me through. Those days seemed to never end at the beginning, but the longer the deployment wore on, the stronger I became and the more confident I knew that we were going to make it successfully to the end.
Most importantly, our family learned what was really important in our lives...each other. Things that before had seemed so important, like new gadgets and a bigger house, just didn't seem as important any longer. All that we truly wanted was to be together as a family again. We gained an appreciation for each other and the small pet peeves that we had before just didn't seem as bothersome as they did before. Now that the deployment is over, I do have to remind myself of this as the real world has crept it's way back in to our lives, but we still have a greater appreciation for our family and for being together. We prefer to spend our free time together versus apart.
While the deployment was hard and I do not look forward to the next one, there was some good that came out of it. I know that we will survive the next one and that we will be even stronger after it too. I truly believe that we are a stronger family for all that we went through, but it was certainly a long, crazy road to get there!
What good things have come out of a deployment for you and your family?
Click here to read the rest of this post.
Lover's Leap
Happy Leap Year!
I hope you enjoyed your extra day.
In a previous post (2008), I liked the perspective that Leap day is an extra day for growing, loving, and story telling. A simple thought, one that is hopeful and helpful.
I decided I would share the short story of my "lover's leap."
The story of how my Soldier and I met, married, and are doing military life.
My earliest examples of “men in uniform” were my dad and uncles. I remember travelling cross-country to at least one military graduation when I was young. It was the first connection I made between “home” and “away.” Military service expanded one’s world beyond the horizon.
Later in life, another man-in-training came to the forefront. I will never forget the day I heard a HS classmate, David, had joined the military. That boy!? The one I had my eye on for so long? He cemented his place in my heart overnight by becoming a man: selfless, decisive, and far and beyond the other boys I might otherwise have been paired with.
Technically my military journey began writing daily letters to David, "as a friend," at Basic Training in 1990. I joined the Army Reserves in 1993, and later married my "friend" in 1995.
This life has been one of ups and downs. I count them all as "stories" now, touchstones to remind us how far we've come. I can always look back and remember that I learned what to do next time, or even what NOT to do next time. All of it has been easier--all the leaps have been more exciting--with my Soldier by my side.
He pushes me; I grow. I push him; he grows.
The same goes for our children. Even now we're experiencing a rough patch, which I believe is the aftermath of two moves inside of 1.5 years. Others have done it successfully and say how their children are so enriched for it. I believe that. I know that "day of looking back" will come and this weathered storm will be another lesson, another experience that made us grow closer and stronger. Which is funny, because I am always telling people this is where the military will take you. Look ahead to X, Y, Z. I forget to tell them to look back. Whether it's a few months, a few years, or a lifetime that accumulated so suddenly, you should always take a look back.
It's a forced exercise, and I forget to heed my own advice. Star, "Remember that we've been through X, Y, and Z. And that today, this past month, this past 1.5 years will be but a "good" memory if you push through and remember to look back and count it as such."
Incidentally, looking back is how I found this "lovely" picture my daughter drew of me during our last deployment. That's my husband and I "kissing long distance." What a wonderful memory. How I remember dreading that deployment, and now it's over. I don't think I've looked back to say, "whew; that was an accomplishment!"
I hope you took your extra day to count the memories and make new ones worth looking back too.
________
Assorted posts from our Loving A Soldier archives:
Happy Leap Day
A Good Day
Behind Every Good Soldier
I hope you enjoyed your extra day.
In a previous post (2008), I liked the perspective that Leap day is an extra day for growing, loving, and story telling. A simple thought, one that is hopeful and helpful.
I decided I would share the short story of my "lover's leap."
The story of how my Soldier and I met, married, and are doing military life.
My earliest examples of “men in uniform” were my dad and uncles. I remember travelling cross-country to at least one military graduation when I was young. It was the first connection I made between “home” and “away.” Military service expanded one’s world beyond the horizon.
Later in life, another man-in-training came to the forefront. I will never forget the day I heard a HS classmate, David, had joined the military. That boy!? The one I had my eye on for so long? He cemented his place in my heart overnight by becoming a man: selfless, decisive, and far and beyond the other boys I might otherwise have been paired with.
Technically my military journey began writing daily letters to David, "as a friend," at Basic Training in 1990. I joined the Army Reserves in 1993, and later married my "friend" in 1995.
This life has been one of ups and downs. I count them all as "stories" now, touchstones to remind us how far we've come. I can always look back and remember that I learned what to do next time, or even what NOT to do next time. All of it has been easier--all the leaps have been more exciting--with my Soldier by my side.
He pushes me; I grow. I push him; he grows.
The same goes for our children. Even now we're experiencing a rough patch, which I believe is the aftermath of two moves inside of 1.5 years. Others have done it successfully and say how their children are so enriched for it. I believe that. I know that "day of looking back" will come and this weathered storm will be another lesson, another experience that made us grow closer and stronger. Which is funny, because I am always telling people this is where the military will take you. Look ahead to X, Y, Z. I forget to tell them to look back. Whether it's a few months, a few years, or a lifetime that accumulated so suddenly, you should always take a look back.
It's a forced exercise, and I forget to heed my own advice. Star, "Remember that we've been through X, Y, and Z. And that today, this past month, this past 1.5 years will be but a "good" memory if you push through and remember to look back and count it as such."
Incidentally, looking back is how I found this "lovely" picture my daughter drew of me during our last deployment. That's my husband and I "kissing long distance." What a wonderful memory. How I remember dreading that deployment, and now it's over. I don't think I've looked back to say, "whew; that was an accomplishment!"
I hope you took your extra day to count the memories and make new ones worth looking back too.
________
Assorted posts from our Loving A Soldier archives:
Happy Leap Day
A Good Day
Behind Every Good Soldier
Click here to read the rest of this post.
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