So as we all know, re-integration is not all the butterflies and sunshine we imagine it to be while our soldier is deployed. While he is deployed we think of hugs and kisses and dinners together and all that. Funny how real life is different - how dare it!
Yesterday I was hellaciously crabby - my husband was wanting me to take some of his crap in my bags that I had packed perfectly to my own satisfaction with my own stuff, and it just pissed me off for no apparent reason, I was just crabby all day. Tuesday I had felt really miserable (sore throat, congestion, etc), and Wednesday was supposed to be a quiet day for us but turned into massive errand running as we picked up new uniforms, ran around getting our new home locked in, and all the associated stuff with moving halfway across the country. But somehow, it was the packing thing that just pissed me off - I grumped and groused and was cranky and finally got in the shower and realized.... I haven't had any alone time since he got home, really, and I'm an alone-time person; I'm still just overwhelmed with my to-do list --- and learning to coordinate again is tough, even if it is just packing things. Darn it, I was supposed to carry less stuff when there was someone else to help and an extra bag to put it in, I didn't WANT to repack my stuff to fit his, and so forth. Just getting used to doing something with another person again is tough....
Today is just so fun - we were planning on getting five and a half hours of sleep before four hours on a plane, but someone smoking in the hotel set off the fire alarm at 0330 - giving us 4 hours of sleep, instead. Allergies or leapfrogging colds are kicking his butt and mine. I'm frustrated because when we finally got home, I made applesauce, did laundry, cooked dinner - and now he's asleep in the recliner while I unpack my bags, put away laundry, and so forth. It's dumb to be feel resentful; he went and changed the laundry from washer to dryer while I cooked, he washed dishes while I folded after dinner, and he isn't feeling well. Still, it was annoying to have him home and STILL have to take the trash out because he is asleep in the chair.
My friend Kim said it well - it is like the rest of the world (and sometimes we ourselves) expect everything to be perfect just because he's home. She has a grumpy day at work (or I have an evening like tonight) - and people say to us (or we say to ourselves) -- "You should be happy - he's home." And yes, he is home safe, and it is wonderful to not have to worry. But washing dishes isn't anymore fun, teenagers aren't any more well-behaved, we still rub each other after too much time together without a little space for ourselves. It's a tough line to walk - being thankful and not letting the little things bug you when you got through the big things.... butstill remembering this is real life, not fantasy, and things won't be perfect or forever annoyance-free... and that's OKAY.
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