The "Good" Out of Deployment

This year, the month of March marks a new "anniversary" for our family...one year ago we began our first deployment. A year ago we entered this month with nervousness and apprehension, not knowing what the coming months would bring for our family. My husband didn't actually leave until the later half of the month, but still we had now entered March, the month he would be leaving. Deployment was no longer a year away or months away, it now had become a matter of days. We spent the remaining days together as a family, trying to cram in last minute outings and celebrations that would be missed in the coming year. But we also spent that month just wishing for it to be over. We had known about the deployment for 18 months and by this point we were ready to stop talking about it. We didn't look forward to the day we would have to say goodbye, but at the same time we just wanted it to be over with. March was a tough month last year.

But this year, March has a different feel to it. My husband has been home for almost three months now and things are starting to fall back into place. We still have our rough times but we are all beginning to feel like the deployment was just a distant memory. And we can also look back upon the deployment and see the good that has come out of it. A year ago, I never would have thought anything good could come from being separated from my husband for many months, but now I can look back and see the good that did indeed come from it.

First and foremost, we survived. My husband came home to us, safe and sound. My kids missed their dad, but they knew his job was important and they remained strong throughout the long months without him. I survived being a single parent for 10 months while working full-time and holding down the homefront. It may not have always been pretty or calm, but we survived.

We learned to communicate. When your only methods of staying in touch are through horrible Skype connections and brief Facebook chats, you learn what things are important to say and what things can be saved for later. You also learn how important it is to say things like "I love you," and "I'm proud of you" when you never know when the next time will be that you will speak to your loved one. Effective communication becomes a must!

I learned independence, but I also learned how to ask for help. In the first weeks of the deployment, Murphy visited our house. Everything fell apart. Literally. The kids got sick. The washing machine broke. The furnace broke. A possum took up residence in the garage. A bird build a nest in the dryer vent. And the list went on. I quickly became a master at Internet searching how to fix problems, even coming to the point that I was able to successfully diagnose, tear apart, and rebuild our washing machine all by myself. That was a pretty proud moment! But at the same time, I learned what my limits were. I am one of those who does not like to ask for help, preferring to suffer in silence while grumbling the whole time. Not one of my greatest characteristics for sure, but the deployment taught me how to recognize when I needed help and that it was really OK to ask for that help. I was amazed when I finally did ask for help. People eagerly pitched in whenever asked, they just didn't know how to help until I finally spoke up. Then they were incredibly willing to help.

We gained strength we did not know we had. On the toughest days, when I thought the deployment would never end and I felt like a failure, I found strength I didn't know existed to carry me through. Those days seemed to never end at the beginning, but the longer the deployment wore on, the stronger I became and the more confident I knew that we were going to make it successfully to the end.

Most importantly, our family learned what was really important in our lives...each other. Things that before had seemed so important, like new gadgets and a bigger house, just didn't seem as important any longer. All that we truly wanted was to be together as a family again. We gained an appreciation for each other and the small pet peeves that we had before just didn't seem as bothersome as they did before. Now that the deployment is over, I do have to remind myself of this as the real world has crept it's way back in to our lives, but we still have a greater appreciation for our family and for being together. We prefer to spend our free time together versus apart.

While the deployment was hard and I do not look forward to the next one, there was some good that came out of it. I know that we will survive the next one and that we will be even stronger after it too. I truly believe that we are a stronger family for all that we went through, but it was certainly a long, crazy road to get there!

What good things have come out of a deployment for you and your family?