Up until this point in my life I have always been striving for something…getting into college, getting through architecture school, graduating, getting married, and getting a “real” grown-up job. I have had long term goals ingrained into my head since I was in the eighth grade and realized I wanted to be an architect. Now what? Everything I have been working so hard to achieve has come to fruition and now I find myself asking…what’s next? The problem, and I really do think of this as a problem, is that my future is so unclear. As of right now the only thing that I know is for sure going to happen is that sometime after my husband graduates and is commissioned, we will be moving to Ft Benning for his training. This could be a week after he graduates, a month, or a year…who knows. I am so happy and proud of him, but what about me? (I just sounded like my three year old niece…great!) I am so use to having a long term goal and plan for my life and now, I’m not going to lie…I am feeling a little lost. The only thing I know as of right now is that a great deal of my life is temporary. The job that I have been working so hard to get…temporary. Potentially, the career that I chose is not going to mesh well with the army lifestyle so that too could be…temporary. The time that I get to spend with my family every weekend…temporary. Joe and I’s first home together…temporary. My church family that I have grown to love…temporary. Not only does all this make it very difficult to plan anything long term, but it honestly seems to make it difficult for me to function. It’s difficult for me to focus at work knowing that I’m not going to be there very long, it’s difficult to make our first house a home knowing that the stay is only a few months, and it’s difficult for me to continue to be involved in church knowing that I can’t really commit to anything long term. This is totally out of the ordinary for me because I typically put my heart and soul into everything I do.
As much as I am struggling, I truly believe that this is one way God is going to use this lifestyle to push me out of my comfort zone and to help me grow. I am technically not even an army wife yet…I’m really just an ROTC wife (I think I just made that term up…sorry!) and I acknowledge that I have barely put my toes in the water and I am already struggling. But, I also see this as an amazing opportunity to help me realize that I am NOT in control. My all-time favorite bible verse is, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.” This verse is ingrained in my head as well as my heart but it still doesn’t make the act of letting go any easier. As painful and as difficult as this might be I just have to keep telling myself, “ I am not in control, I am not in control, I am not in control,” and hopefully one day I learn to wholeheartedly let go…if I don’t, I have a feeling this is going to be one painful journey. I’m sure I will learn though! I’ve gotta tell you, if my husband (then boyfriend) had not come to me three years ago telling me that he felt a strong calling to join the army, this is something I may have never learned. I’m pretty confident that, given the opportunity, I would have stayed at my current job forever; I would have purchased a house near my family and I would have never moved again, and I would have had an eerily similar routine every single day for years to come. Now…I have to ask myself…what fun would that be?!
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5 comments:
Funny that you post this when you do! I have had my career path and here I am 31 and fell for an Army guy that gets out next year and our life is going to be up rooted depending on where he can get work! I am an accountant and have owned my own business and just moved to Texas not knowing what life had in store.. I found an amazing job that has potential to earn me a LOT of money... but well my main perupose for coming here it was love... I have told my guy many times.. baby I will go where ever you go! I can find a job anywhere I cant find LOVE anywhere! I will follow him to the end of the Earth if that's where it leads us so long as i get to see his perfect smile and see the way he looks at me. I love that the only plan I have right now is for him to come home safe in May and move where ever life takes us!
I like this story a lot. I understand and can relate. Being an army wife gives a women many oppurtunities after conforming to this life style, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's almost as if you took the words out of my mouth! :) My transition into the Army has been a very long process, with my husband having 5 years prior service before going active. It took me awhile to grasp the idea that my life is going to be uprooted so far from what I am used to that I am practically going to have to reinvent myself in order to become settled again. It's an idea that, once you fully grasp it, will eventually make you feel more excited and energized as opposed to the confusion and anxiety that was once in its place. As my transition is beginning, and what we used to just talk about is now becoming a reality, a whole new set of "what ifs" are sinking in, but I know that He has a plan for me, for my husband, and for our journey together. It gives me peace to know that it is not my job to worry about it, but that it is God's. It takes some serious strength to be able to simply hand that over to Him, but it is only then that you can truly be ready for this next chapter in your life.
Nicely put. Sharing on my page.
Thank you guys so much for posting, it is so good to hear other perspectives.
Katie, I loved your statement, "He has a plan for me, for my husband, and for our journey together." Going into this I had the mindset that this was Joe's chosen path and what he was called to do. I thought I was just along for the ride because I loved with him and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I love your statement because it reminds me that this is not just my soldier’s journey but it is also MY journey. God not only has a plan for him, but he also has a plan for me!
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