If you’ve had a child, you’re familiar with the hundreds of ways that people tell you your life will change.
One of the many aspects of parenthood that I could not possibly have been prepared for was the chaos, the sheer mess. Now, it may be the shell shock talking at the moment since my little is two and half, potty training and in a particularly independent stage- but there are times that my life feels like a never ending treadmill of sweeping, vacuuming, dishes and laundry.
In the first few months after having my son, I tried to embrace it. I love making a comfortable, welcoming home- so I figured I would slip gracefully into being a stay-at-home-mom with ease and flair.
Um. Big, fat FAIL on that one.
I floated in a sea of barely controlled stuff. Baby stuff, my stuff, Army stuff. Closets were always stuffed full. My meal planning was haphazard. Grocery shopping was often picking up a couple things here and there. There was always something that needed to be cleaned. And I was frustrated.
I kept telling myself it was more important to rock or play with my little one than to vacuum- but getting on the floor to play with him made me cringe if I hadn’t vacuumed that day. Laundry can wait another day, I muttered- as I dug through drawers in search of matching outfits.
It took a long time for me to admit that it just wasn’t working for me. But WHAT was it that was wrong? WHY was I so stressed? It took more time for me to identify that what my life lacked as a stay at home mom was some kind of structure, a guiding organization. As long as my child was fed, dry and clothed, what else really mattered?
The truth is that I need order and organization. If there are dirty dishes in the sink and toys on the floor when I go to bed at night, I start the next morning off in a foul mood. I can tell myself all day long that I’d rather spend the time with my family- but my truth is that if I don’t clean up than I spend that extra play time in a foul mood. There’s a part of my brain fretting about the disorder in my house. Instead, if I arrange our day so that my son goes to bed early enough that I have the energy at the end of the day to spend half an hour picking up my house, then the free time I have with my family I am focused and in the moment.
There are times that I slip back into letting things go and not taking the time to organize my home and life. But every time, very quickly, life starts to feel a bit frantic. Dinner time gets haphazard. I start getting cranky. And I know I need to take a morning or a weekend to get myself together.
Do you ever feel like managing your home becomes overwhelming? Are you the “type” of parent you expected to be?
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3 comments:
I am the exact same way! My husband and I tried for our son for so long, when I finally came up pregnant it was the happiest day of my life! I thought we were ready! Everything was going great until 8 weeks after I had my oldest i found out I was pregnant again. My second son was born the day before my oldest sons 1st birthday. On top of that when I was 3 months pregnant my husband deployed for 1 year. So I had my second son 6 months into deployment. I was not ready for 2 babies under the age of 1 on my own. It has been the hardest, craziest, most reward, most exhausting time of my life. (thank goodness my husband got home last month) the last 1 1/2 years are a daze. I can't remember the days and the nights, I can't differentiat between which baby did what. But, one thing I know is I have to keep things organized and straightened up. During my oldest nap time i clean up and again at bed time. If I let it go to long I feel stressed, and out of sorts. It's the hardest job in the world to be a mother, but I wouldn't trade it for not being a parent again. My boys get me through all the craziness in our Army life and keep me grounded when I feel like everythings out of control!
I had this exact problem, and still do if I stay from my routine. Enter fly lady. Her methods really helped me change all that and organize myself, my house, and my mind. You might wanna go check her out.
Britney- I am familiar with flylady, but the two big things that helped me have been Kathy Peel's Family Manager System and the book 168 hours. :) I think it's a matter of finding the routine that works for you and learning how to jump back into a routine when life pushes you in a different direction.
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