Who am I?

I don’t know, but I intend to find out in 2012. Sure I’m a Christian Army wife, veteran, mother, and … the list goes on. It does, but those are one word answers with much room for interpretation by some. I really have a hard time articulating what those titles mean to me and what I want them to mean to others.

One thing I wouldn’t say I am is a resolution maker. But, I do take the down time every year between Christmas and the new year to ask where that year took me and where I will go next. “Go” obviously in the metaphorical sense. My resolutions (that I don’t make (lol)) aren’t about weight or fitness, time and scheduling, nail biting, or clutter management. They’re more conceptual, over arching all those I just mentioned, at least the ones I’ve been keeping track of in recent years are.

2008: Follow through on promptings

All those nice things I think of doing, but used to never get around to, I try to do them!

Sometimes it comes at a cost, sometimes it’s a burden, but I’ve never been sorry.

From calling someone out of the blue to ask “how are you” to changing the direction my kitchen table faces, those strong urges (not whims) prompt me to change the present into a moment I own and one that makes me happy, in the moment and in the long run.

I can’t tell you how much more in control I feel. I’m not always successful, but I do find that I hear less “I told you so’s” say less “I should have’s” and feel less like I could kick myself for not following through in recent years.

2009: Stand on my own two feet

Physically and mentally. You ought to give this a try.

I’m not saying, “Don’t stand on other people’s feet.” I’m saying, “Use both of your feet.”

It’s good for your posture, and it is a physical reminder to stay grounded with perspective and that you can stand for yourself. 2009 was the year I didn’t think I could do another deployment—that I couldn’t be apart from my other half once again.

A good friend reminded me that I was not half of a whole. I was 100% of myself. 1 +1 made 2; David and I were better together, but I was just fine on my own before David. I’d be just fine (capable of 100%) until he came home again.

2010: Keep promises

This principle mostly reminded me not to make promises too quickly. A page from the book of Ecclesiastes says too big of dreams and too many words are meaningless. I remember a pile of times where I thought I was doing some good by overpromising only to eventually realize I either couldn’t deliver or sacrificed too much to do so. It’s true what they say, if you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else. Therefore my promises have become few and far between.

2011: Ask, “are you?”

Don’t make assumptions. Don’t try to read people’s minds. Just literally ask how they are.

We all do it: sign our letters with “I trust you’re doing well” or “I hope this finds you well.” Adding “;are you?” has opened up many opportunities for me to listen, advise, and more importantly learn from others.

2012: Find myself!

The principles of past years aren’t thrown out each year. They’re comprehensive, each one making the last mean more and each one informing my next step. Even as I look at what I learned from each, I gain sight of myself and know I have a good start. But 2012 is about getting certain of myself.

Recently, I made a statement about my character or personality, and a friend stopped me to check I was using the right word. “That’s not at all how others see you.” she said bringing to the forefront a huge disconnect between who I say I am and who I really am, the good and the bad.

Plenty of times people hear me say what I can’t do as I compare myself to them. I can’t cook. I can’t remember things. I can’t see the point in my learning how to sew, how to paint (living rooms and bedrooms), or how to decorate cookies. I’ve noticed other people seem to enjoy doing these things a whole bunch, but they’re not “me.” The problem is I don’t know what is, really. I like to read, but I’m not a reader. I have a hard time remembering character details, plots, and settings very long after I’ve put the book down. I can’t compare and contrast authors or stories much. Same goes for music and album names, backup singers, and song titles, but I like music.

And that's just the easy stuff. I have a long way to get down the hard stuff and decide what I can do, what I like to do, what I want to be known or remembered for, and if I care enough about  the things I can't do to learn them or appreciate them.

Have any of you had a year like this, one where you just focussed on discovering yourself? It sounds more selfish than it really is. It's time we start believing that taking care of ourselves helps us take care of others. So call it taking a dose of my own medicine or finally walking the talk. Call it what you will, as long as this time next year you call me "happy with who she is."

________
Similar posts from our Loving A Soldier archives:

I get by, thanks to my friends
Open House
Faith, Hope, and Love

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Post With The Most- Ft. Sam Houston

No matter where our lives take us in this military life, one of the greatest things to experience is the different cities, communities and cultures along our travels. No matter where we go, if we embrace the experiences we encounter at each Post, every Post can in fact be the Post With The Most.

This month we took a look at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas and on our AWN main website installation section we had the help of Tara Burkholder answer some questions. This blog is some of the information she provided but also my own personal experiences there.

San Antonio is the country's 7th most populous city. San Antonio offers a very diverse community with a fairly large Hispanic population.

San Antonio is also considered Military City, U.S.A. because of the surrounding military installations in or around the city. Military City, U.S.A. is exactly what I would call this community because of my own personal experiences there and the love and assistance of the community even though it is so large and easy to get swallowed up by.

When my wife first enlisted she ended up doing her 68W (Combat Medic) training there. After she spent nearly three months at BCT and knowing AIT was four months with deployment being a very real possibility after she graduated, we decided to move myself and the boys to San Antonio for any opportunity to see her on the weekends or during the week. Of course we didn't see her as much as we would have liked because of her busy schedule, but it did allow us to experience one of the best military communities I would guess to be out there.

We lived off post in one of the MANY apartment complexes within close proximity to Post. The apartment complex was so helpful to the military community that they bent over backwards and allowed us to sign only a 4 month lease.

Within just 10 minutes of Post there are dozens of apartment complexes. Some are better than others so you should do some homework on the area. Living within close proximity to Post is something I would strongly encourage due to traffic and congestion on the highways and byways (in San Antonio they are known as loops and the highway system resembles a wagon wheel). San Antonio is a very large city in terms of square mileage and if you are looking for a home you could still be in San Antonio but have an almost 45 minute commute to get to Post.

Another neat thing we found out about San Antonio was that it almost has a love affair for pets, namely dogs. I am not sure how many the city has exactly, but I know we visited somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 dog parks in the 4 months we were there.

San Antonio is also home to some incredible attractions. The River Walk is a major hot spot for dining, dancing and drinks. But it also is home to The Alamo. No matter where this military life brings us both my son and I will always remember that he was able to experience a full week of summer camp ON THE VERY GROUNDS where Davy Crockett and James Bowie fought The Battle of the Alamo.

While in San Antonio we did also use our single day free admission for military members and their dependants to Sea World. Unfortunately we didn't make it over to Six Flags Fiesta Texas.

Within just a 5 minute drive out the gates there is also an incredible water park called Splash Town. But if you are looking for a great way to cool off during the long, hot, humid summers that San Antonio has and don't want to spend any money, you can go to one of the pools on post and enjoy some water slides there.

All in all, I found our experience at Fort Sam Houston to be an incredible one. I can't wait to get back there and soak up all the diversity and fun it has to offer. After all, with Fort Sam being the medical training post for most of the Army (as well as other branches) there is a high likelihood of us heading back there as my wife furthers her career.

Until next time.... don't forget where you are stationed can be the Post With The Most if you look at it with an open mind.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

do it for YOU!

Have you made your New Year's resolutions yet?

Last year, my resolution was the cliche, to lose ten pounds. I am happy to say that I have completed that goal and then some and am currently sitting at thirty pounds lost so far! Some days, I don't believe how far I've come, but on the days that I put on a piece of clothing that I haven't been able to wear for years and it fits, I am amazed and it helps to keep me going.



I personally feel that it is important to make New Year's Resolutions. Mostly because it gives you a chance to show yourself what you are made of. It all starts and ends with you. Which leads me to my one suggestion when thinking of a resolution... make sure you are doing it for yourself, and no one else. If you start with doing something for yourself, you have a better chance of finishing it because you start to realize and see that you are worth it and your world becomes brighter for it.

Let me say... it took me way to long to realize this.

This year, my resolutions are just to keep up with eating healthier and exercising and to finish Photography School. This time next year I hope to be blogging about how I've toned up my body and have become certified as a Professional Photographer. Needless to say I am excited and look forward to what the next year will hold and the challenges and rewards that I will face during it.

What are your resolutions? Have you had great success with them in the past?

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Positive Spin Perspective

The year 2012 is fast approaching. Can you believe it is just weeks away? You know, I don’t ever make New Year resolutions. I just never have. This year I think I might, but maybe in a little different way. I am going to challenge myself. I’m calling it my PSP - Positive Spin Perspective - challenge. That’s a mouth full, huh? I’m extending this challenge to all of our AWN fans and ask that you join me in creating a brighter perspective.

Before I go into the challenge let me tell you why I’m doing this. First, I’m sure you can agree that spending energy on the negative or things I can’t control is draining. Practicing gratitude will increase how I feel psychologically and socially. The more I practice gratitude the more negative emotions will decrease. Second, I would like to inspire someone. Just one person would be great. I don’t have to inspire the whole world. If I can inspire one person to think more positively than maybe they can inspire one person and so on.

How will I do this challenge? Simple, I’m going to keep a gratitude journal. I learned about gratitude journals when I took the Spouse Resiliency course at ACS earlier this year. That was the single most enlighting and useful class I’ve ever taken. The goal of the journal is to write down three things every day for which you are grateful. You also write down why you are grateful for them and how you can have this good thing happen again. These things we are grateful for don’t have to be big life or world changing things. Just simple things like having shelter, food, happy kids, etc. The reason for writing down the things we are grateful for is so that we can go back and read them so we are reminded of these good things. Taking time to be grateful isn’t about ignoring the bad things. Practicing gratefulness just helps us focus more attention on the positive.

Brother David Steindl-Rast said, “We have thousands of opportunities every day to be grateful: for having good weather, to have slept well last night, to be able to get up, to be healthy, to have enough to eat…There’s opportunity upon opportunity to be grateful ; that’s what life is.” I think I will write this down and tape it up in every room of my house. Just to remind me.

So, go out and get a notebook or a journal and get ready. Starting January 1, 2012 I’m starting my journal and I want you to start with me. Every week I will try and post something for which I am grateful on Facebook. You can comment on my comment with something for which you are grateful. After all, we have opportunities upon opportunities to recognize our blessings!

Click here to read the rest of this post.

The Courage of My Army Wife!

This poem was written this morning and sent to me by one of the sweetest men I know. He is retired Army, but he is also my CO with the Tennessee State Guard. I asked if I could share this with you and he agreed. For every Army wife and (DUDE), your courage does not go unnoticed! And if you share this, PLEASE give the author credit. He deserves it and it's the right thing to do. ~Paula~
Those who give most are the families at home
The wives and the children, adrift and alone
Not knowing the fates of the soldiers they love
When all they can do is send prayers up above

The soldiers at least have each other to hear
Their worries and trials, their doubts and their fear
With soldiers in front and with soldiers behind
They face it together, so fate has been kind
To allow that the troops may assist one another
And they become family…and closer than brothers

We TROOPS stand in awe of the courage made known
Of the family that’s waiting to greet us back home
Courage that’s greater than risking your life
THAT is the courage of my Army WIFE!

By: Gilbert D. Cameron, U.S. Army (RET)

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWTR Show 346: AWN Holiday Show

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

This week on AWTR we’re featuring the AWN Holiday Show chalked full of recipes, holiday traditions, music, movies, and of course PRIZES! Join us for a farewell to 2011 as we do our last show of the season. We’ll be back on 01-09-12 with all new shows to ring in the New Year. In the meantime, take a peek at our archives at www.armywifenetwork.com under PODCAST.


Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Household 6's 12 Tips For Christmas

1. Keep your organization right by your side! Check out some of the many smart phone applications that can help you to keep things straight. One of my favorite apps is Grocery Guru- it’s lets me keep my grocery list and pantry inventory with me all the time. If I’m home and need my husband to pick a couple things up, I can email straight from the application to my husband. There are apps for grocery shopping, recipes, tracking gifts, and keeping tabs on your budget.

2. Make a list and check it twice! Make a list of people you plan to gift. Note their favorites (color, sweaters, funky socks, etc) and sizes. Decide what you will gift and go get it. Then, just check it off. This method will work for those of you who shop all year long and store gifts and for those of you who shop during the season. However you choose to organize yourself it will certainly help from gift giving to party planning.

3. If party planning is on your list, go potluck! Spend less time in the kitchen and more time with your friends and family. Have the host provide a main dish (turkey, ham, maybe lasagna?) and invite each guest to bring their favorite holiday side dish! You get some variety, learn something about each guest and spend less time out of the room.

4. To spend less time and money on hostess gifts, choose a small, pretty craft that you can make in large batches. One of my favorites this year is sugar scrubs. I found several sugar scrub recipes that have similar ingredients and spent an afternoon mixing and packing them into jelly jars. With a little ribbon and pretty label printed off my computer, I have a stack of gifts that will encourage the recipient to take the time to care of herself! That’s my kind of thank you.

5. If you are shopping in the last few days before Christmas, go with a plan. Know what store you are going to and what item you are looking for. These busy shopping times make it very difficult to browse! To avoid dealing with parking, have a friend or spouse drop you off and pick you up while they’re running another errand and then return the favor!

6. Use for freezer! Find recipes that can be made a month before so you won't have to worry about meal planning and preparation on those busy weeknights leading up to the holidays. Do the same for your holiday meals. Many rolls can be made up to a week before the meal and frozen. Mashed potatoes, and some casseroles can be made the day before and kept in the fridge overnight. Choose a dessert that can be made a day or two before the big day so you don’t spend Christmas morning listening to your family playing in another room!

7. Remember, when filling out your calendar with parties, shopping and goodwill to make sure you schedule time for fun. Go see the Nutcracker, community Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony or sit with the family looking at family photos while sipping hot chocolate and eating Christmas cookies. There’s no need to over commit! Nothing takes the fun out of the holidays faster than over committing.

8. Find fabulous ideas for making Christmas special! One of my favorite finds this year to tape streamers to the kid’s bedroom door after they go to sleep so on Christmas morning they get to break through the streamers like it’s Monday night football! My two year old might just bounce off this year, but I’m keeping it in mind for when he’s bigger!

9. Plan ahead for your cherished family traditions. Gather whatever supplies you will need to help keep the tradition enjoyable.

10. Plan ahead with gifts. A friend of mine has cabinet that I call the gift closet. What my friend does is buy gifts throughout the year and then stores them in this cabinet. This way she has emergency gifts on hand for any occasion and she can keep Christmas presents hidden. Some ideas are to keep on hand are scented candles, bud vases, card games, specialty teas and coffees and those homemade salt or sugar scrubs.

11. As Christmas winds down and you’re packing things away, take the time to inventory your decorations. Are the lights burning out? Ornaments broken? A stocking have a hole? By inventorying your supplies while you are handling them, you’ll be a step ahead next year and able to hit up the after Christmas sales.

12. Storage! I recently found at fabulous blog Design a la Mod for storing Christmas ornaments without buying expensive specially designed containers. So our number ten tip is using plastic cups and a piece of cardboard, any plastic tub becomes a perfect home for ornaments the rest of the year.

If you're looking for help with your holidays, check out Army Wife Network's Holiday Planning Pages!

Click here to read the rest of this post.

My hair is pink to match my shoes and purse. Wait. You don't do that, too?

I have always wanted to dye my hair pink. I never did, because, really, I didn’t think I could pull it off. I was worried about looking sickly. Pink hair and my complexion? Not to mention, I wasn’t sure what people would think. I’m a mom. Moms don’t dye their hair pink, right? My husband is an officer (like that even matters). Do military spouses dye their hair pink? Not that I’ve seen. Oddly enough, my husband was the one to push me to get it done. Evidently, I was more concerned about his colleagues than he was. Have I mentioned my husband is pretty awesome? Well, he is. (This is subject to change when Christmas rolls around.)

In August, I had a huge chunk of my hair dyed pink. I loved it. The only problem was… there wasn’t enough pink. There is a salon in my apartment building, so I decided use the little bit of Korean I knew how to speak and see if they can dye all of my hair pink. Well, after a whole lot of charades and blank stares, they found an English-speaking Korean woman who works across the way at a coffee shop. She conveyed my wants and their concerns about my hair falling out. (What?!)

I dyed it, and I loved it. I could live without the stares, but in Korea, I’m going to be stared at anyway. I might as well give them something good to stare at. The pink faded, and I was back and forth about whether I wanted to dye it again or go back to my natural color, brunette. The deciding factor? Tom had a Holiday Ball this evening, which we just came back from. (We’re in Korea, so it’s almost the 16th of December here!) Of course, I had to dye my hair pink again just for the ball. I needed my hair to match my shoes and purse. Isn’t that how it works? You dye your hair to match your shoes? I’m not much of a girly girl, but I’m pretty sure I’m right. (On a side note, I got my pink shoes and little black dress custom made here in Korea. I love living here. Never have I owned a pair of heels that didn’t kill my huge size 10W feet. Never have I worn a dress where I didn’t feel like ten pounds of potatoes squeezed in a five-pound sack. Awesome!) That's my sexy face. -> (Isn't my husband the luckiest man in the world?)

When was the last time you did something for the first time? When was the last time you did something for you? Something that, for the most part, no one else can benefit from except you. When was the last time you did something that made you genuinely happy? Kids are great. Husbands are awesome (most of the time). Your career may be chugging along perfectly, but what about you? Yeah. YOU. You can’t be everything for everyone every time. I’m writing about my pink hair, not because I want to talk about how fabulous it is (I mean it is, but that’s beside the point), but I want to tell you, if you want to do something, do it. No matter how ridiculous you think it might be, or how worried you are about what other people think, or if you’re not sure you can pull it off. How in the world are you going to know unless you try? It may be a total failure; it may be one big ol’ crash and burn. But. It may also be the most kick ass thing you’ve done in a long time. It may also be what changes your life. How would you know? My pink hair doesn’t make me look sickly after all. It makes me look like a rock star. And guess what? I’m okay with that.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWTR Show 345: Where Soldiers Come From

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a view of “Where Soldiers Come From”.

Resource of the Week:  Reach Out And Read


Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Bouncing back

It has taken me quite a bit of time to actually sit down and write about this, so please forgive me. As I sit here, I honestly am a bit unsure of where I am actually going, but as I have gone through my own process, I have learned along the way about all the women that have endured very similar struggles. My husband and I have been married 3.5 years, and want so badly to have children.

Last February, we were blessed to learn that we were having twins! Wow, the shock, excitement, and panic all at once! We got to about 11 weeks and went in for a routine appointment to find out that we have lost both babies. Again with the shock. We were never actually "told" we had lost them, there were so many different phrases used about things but none actually solidified the truth. Since I hadn't heard those dreadful words, I decided not to believe it just yet.

An hour after being prodded, the poor young man doing my ultrasound called a doctor in the give us the news. He walked in and said "Sorry, there's nothing viable left." And....that was it. Bless that ultrasound tech. He put his hand on our shoulders, nodded, and left the room. Just that silent moment of understanding from him was so helpful. I now had a nice little baby bump, and no babies. Surgery was scheduled and away we went.

 I had about 5 days before surgery due to Easter, so I spent lots of time on the couch, crying, emotional, and shutting myself off from the world. We had just moved to a nonmilitary town about 5 months before, so we knew nobody, and never had I missed my Army Wife friends like I did at that time in life. I learned so much about so many people at that point, and I learned that miscarriage is not something people publicly share, yet, when another goes through it, the stories of strength and understanding, and most importantly the beautiful babies that came after miscarriages on many occasions offered me a new life, a new hope, and the ability to slowly start to build myself back up. I learned about dear friends that lost babies, and I had no idea. As people reached out to me, I felt that even though we are spread out all over the world, we not only had that Army bond, but this common bond of understanding.

So, my main reason to write about this.....if you have or are going through some form of loss, be it miscarriage, family, friend, anything- you are not alone. When you allow yourself to open up to people, it seems difficult, yet, it will strengthen your bond with them and you will not be alone. Hold their hand, even if its "virtually" and let them help you stand back up. You might even learn something about them in the process.

It took me many months, but I am finally back to feeling like my old self, both physically and mentally, and thanks to the love and the support of my family and my friends, we are ready for whatever the future has in store for us. God willing, it is a growing family.

To all of my battle buddies, specially the ladies of AWN, I thank you. You continue to remain dear friends, my Army family, and my strength and I love you all. I could not have gotten by without you as a part of my journey.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Passion...do you have it?

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word passion? I would venture to say most think of being passionate in more of a physical sense. But, we can be passionate about many things. There is passion for someone else, rooting your favorite sports team or having a passion for a hobby. Whatever it is choose it. But in doing so, don't lose your perspective.

I "attended" a webinar last week on volunteering. While the instruction was geared toward volunteering and not over-extending ourselves, it can also be a reminder to the other areas of passion in our lives. Sometimes we get so involved in things in our lives that we do lose our perspective. Perspective is defined as the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance. Take a moment and evaluate where the passions are in your life.

Be passionate but be ever diligent and don't lose your perspective. Period.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Tis' the season

With the holiday season in full swing, it is a little difficult for me to give way to "the holiday spirit". Like so many families these holidays are looking to be spent with me and the boys here, and my wife in Afghanistan. There is a 99% chance my wife will not make it home before Christmas day. Christmas is the holiday we celebrate in our house. She will hopefully be back not long after, but we will still be waking on Christmas morning without our family being complete.

Elvis Presley sung a song called Blue Christmas, the lyrics hold true for so many of us as missing our spouse for the holidays can be awfully challenging. In our home my wife is the one who makes the house all "holiday pretty". She is crafty and has an eye for detail. Me on the other hand, well are any of you married to a guy who no matter how old he gets it still looks like a 7 year old wrapped the presents? Cuz my wife sure married one.

This morning I finally pulled myself together long enough to go ahead and wrap the kids gifts. As I cut crooked lines and the paper tore as I tried doing that neat trick where you slice through the paper like butter, I started to think of what kind of Scrooge I am being.

Typically the tree and decorations are all out the day after Thanksgiving. This year the Halloween decoration is still on the door because I keep forgetting to take it down(brb... gonna go grab it now-OK... I am back. Now the UPS guy won't be able to go home and tell his wife that he's not the biggest procrastinating male around).

I have found it very difficult to get into the holiday spirit. But as I did what resembled Frankenstein patchwork on the Christmas gifts this morning where I didn't quite measure properly, I had this feeling of guilt overcome me. It started with me not making the holidays special for my kids. Even if the house isn't as pretty as mom would make it and the tree is trimmed like a blind Edward Scissorhands(google him), I still must pull it together to make this as special a holiday season for the boys.

I think the moment when I really understood how important it was for me to do what I can to make these holidays the best they can be was the moment I thought of families who are not going to be together this holiday season, or any other holiday season.

While I have been having my own personal pity party because momma won't be here on Christmas morning, there are survivors out there who are holding themselves together the best they can.

War is an ugly thing. Too many lives are lost too soon. I can't help but to think if I don't make this holiday season the very best for my family this year that I will be doing an injustice to the men and women who have afforded me this luxury.

It's all too easy to get wrapped up in missing our deployed spouse, but instead of making this a Blue Christmas I am going to make it a Green Christmas.

For Thanksgiving the boys and I joined a fellow military MANspouse and his family for some turkey dinner. It was my first major holiday spent without my wife. And even though they didn't replace her, they were an incredible substitute. There was no question that they knew what it was like with my wife not around. There weren't any thoughts of feeling out of place. I had an EXTREMELY Green Thanksgiving because of our Green (Army) Family.

I can't say for certain how the boys and I will spend Christmas(outside of watching some NBA basketball on TV). My wife will be home so soon afterwards that we will be waiting for her for our gift giving. But I do know this, we are going to spend it with much thankfulness and an even greater appreciation for one another.

With the Halloween decorations now off the front door there is only one thing left to do, pull out the Christmas tree and lights and make our house as full of the holiday spirit as possible.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Be Bold

It Couldn't Be Done: Edgar Guest


Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.





I have always loved this poem. Perhaps it's because I harbor grand schemes of doing great things. Sprinkled all over Fort Benning, there are posters showing soldiers in training, and at the top of the poster, it reads, "What have YOU done for this Fort Benning Soldier today?" About 6 months ago, I asked myself, "What HAVE I done for this Fort Benning Soldier today?" Since I was a time zone away visiting my family, the answer was- nothing. But an idea was planted. I was going to make quilts for Fort Benning soldiers, more specifically, the Fort Benning soldiers in Big Sarge's unit in Afghanistan. Before you all thing this was a HUGE operation, his unit is quite small, only 20 or so guys.

I started cutting up blue jeans. I started asking for donations of old blue jeans. The rear detatchment (with the blessing of the rear detatchment commander) donated their time to cut quilt squares for me. I sewed in every spare minute I had.

Were there people who thought I couldn't do it? You betcha. The term 'hair-brained' was thrown around with great abandon. Thanks, Mom. But she and Grandma made a few quilts, too, so I guess maybe deep down she really thought it was a good idea, too.

And just yesterday, the last of the packages of quilts made their way to Afghanistan. Just in time for Christmas, Big Sarge's unit is going to be toasty warm. I'm already planning ahead for next Christmas. Anyone know a company in South Korea I could 'adopt'?

Is there something that people say you can't do? Let's just pretend it's not breaking the land speed record in on-post housing. Your friendly MP's tend to frown on that sort of thing. Maybe someone tells you that you can't go back to school. Or that you won't qualify for that job. Or that you will never finish that novel about time-traveling pirates. (I'd totally read that, by the way.)Or you don't have what it takes.


Firstly-find some new people to hang out with.


Secondly-be bold. Be ambitious. Take a chance. You never know what you can accomplish until you TRY. Even if it doesn't turn out the way you hoped for, you will be better off because of the attempt.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Holiday Cheers!

This holiday season is especially important to me because it will be the last time I will be living under my parents’ roof before FINALLY getting to live with my husband. While it is so exciting to finally feel like an adult, I am both sad and scared. I have always enjoyed the traditions of Christmas that my parents instilled in me and after this year I will be blending my traditions along with my husbands. Every year, I get super excited when Dad drags out our fake Christmas tree and all the decorations. When I was kid, I loved helping my Dad put the ornaments on, but since going to college I can’t wait to get home so I can open the front door and see all the magic! Every year he buys a new wreath for the front door and it is the first thing I comment on. Going through the hallway, our homemade stockings are hung with bows and little stuffed animals on the railings. Finally, in the living room is the Christmas tree! Every year I squeal with delight!

Growing up, I never remember making cookies, but I had the joy of experiencing baking cookies all day about 3 years ago with both my now mother-in-law and sister-in-law. While I pretty much watched in awe, I loved the idea of spending time with family while baking. I even got to dip some of the cookies in chocolate. Thus, the following year I baked with my mom and we had so much fun! I can’t wait to make cookies and red velvet rolls this year with my mom and hopefully I can convince my husband to help too!

My husband’s family also always has a live tree. While the needles and remembering to water the tree are a pain, I forgot the amazing smell of a real tree! It is so refreshing and just makes me all jolly inside. It is also so much fun watching his family decorate and reminisce about each ornament. I can’t wait to have our real tree next year, but he keeps saying I have to go cut one down to fully experience getting a real tree. Wish me luck!

While I thought it was going to be scary blending holiday traditions, I am super excited to do so! The best part of marriage is blending both family traditions to create the traditions of our current and future family. I can’t wait to remember stories about each ornament with my husband and even what base we were on. IT IS FINALLY THE HOLIDAY SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWTR Show 344: 52 Things Kids Need From A Dad

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio a talk with author Jay Payleitner about his book “52 Things Kids Need From A Dad”.

Resource of the Week: Patricia Gallagher


Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Adapting to Recruiting....Not as Easy as I Hoped

      It continues to amaze me as I continue on our soon to be 15 year Army journey how different each assignment can be and the changes that we as spouses, our soldiers, and our families must adapt to.  As some know, my soldier and I are on a recruiting assignment. 

    I knew walking into this new adventure there would be changes to adapt to.  This would be the first time in almost 15 years of service that we would be away from a military community.  Fort McPherson in Atlanta closed right before we arrived in Georgia.  That meant, no commissary, no PX, no health clinic, and to my horror, no ACS. 

     Thankfully I have had some close army wives who have stayed in contact with me through the wonderful world of social media, which makes it so much easier to maintain close friendships and ties.  I had one spouse, who is a great friend of mine from Fort Eustis send my children advent calendars when I was unable to find any here in our area.  These relationships do help to keep me somewhat connected to my military family, but yet there is still something missing. 

     When you are on recruiting duty and you are not close to a military installation, you have to rely on what they call a Soldier and Family Assistance Program Manager (SFAP).  This person is basically a one-man or woman ACS.  At Fort Eustis, where we had been prior to this assignment, I had LIVED at ACS.  I participated in AFAP, was an AFTB instructor and helped my ACS in any way I could.  I met some amazing people there and made some wonderful and lasting friendships.  I also learned what it takes to run an ACS.  There were so many people working together to run all the many types of programs, classes, and events that ACS provides for Army Families.  To place all these positions and work on the shoulders of one person seems unfortunate and plain ridiculous, if you ask me. 

     I am learning too that our SFAP, though nice enough personality wise, is horrible at communication.  I have been here in Georgia since May 2011 and I have yet to speak to my FRG leader or receive her information, though I have asked for it numerous times from my SFAP.  I have inquired about many programs such as AFAP and AFTB and again have come up empty handed.  I can barely get my SFAP to answer emails or return phone calls. 

   I guess I have become spoiled by the amazing programs I was a part of at Fort Eustis, and I think it is making it harder to adapt.  I don’t feel like I should just sit back and accept this.  I think there should be more being done to help us adapt to this change and it should be a WHOLE lot easier to get my questions answered.  It always amazes me how many of the “higher-ups” I have spoken too about various issues throughout our time in the Army always come at me with the excuse, “Spouses don’t ask questions and they don’t use services that are available to them.”  Yet, here I am, an Army spouse, asking questions, and trying to empower myself so that I might adapt better and adjust to this new assignment and I can’t get anyone to return a phone call.  That tells me there is something really wrong here. 

    But as the Army spouse I have always been, I am determined to prevail.  I hope to somehow, someway bring change to this broken system and perhaps finally give spouses who arrive here in the Atlanta Recruiting Battalion some much deserved support!  I am just thankful for some amazing battle buddies who have helped to see me through this! 

Hooah!

Janet

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Are you "fine"?

Does this "conversation sound familar?

Hey, how you doing?
I'm fine.
-------------------
Do you often leave it there regardless what side of the question you're on?
(Not much of a conversation.)

Do others often leave it there when you've answered their inquiry with "Fine!"?
(Do you wish they'd go on or ask for a distinction?)

Fine? Like, fine as frog's hair, dandy, as my grandpa used to say on good days?
Or like "Fine!" as in you can't or won't open up?
Cause I can handle, "I'm NOT fine." and I want to know how you really are.

I know I'm to that point where I want to go on. Lately, I've been really trying to listen (if even via email) and inquire how my friends, fellow milspouses, and some acquaintances "really are." I haven't had to press much. If you ask and stay still enough to listen, they know and will share words other than "fine."

I'm finding quite a few of them are NOT fine. They're on both sides of the "fine" line.

To better understand for myself the range of emotions an individual could be feeling, I have been doing a little digging. I found the neatest app called "We Feel Fine" at http://wefeelfine.org/. I played around with it, and it was really an eye opener to how many other feelings are out there. (This data collection engine scours the internet blogs for "I feel" or "I'm feeling." You can see graphed data, photo montages, quotes from the blogs. It was fascinating.) 

Last night people were not "fine." As I suspected, they were on both sides of that "fine" line.

The app's registry of most common feelings overall were

on one hand
better, good, right, well, happy, comfortable, free, great, whole, pretty, safe

on the other hand
bad, guilty, sick, sh*t, sorry, down, alone, sad, lost, stupid, tired, weird, lonely, home, ill, horrible, off, different, done

This was no scientific study, I just wrote down the top 30 most common feelings overall with words that shouldn't concern you on one hand and words that should concern you on the other hand. I have no data to show how much these common feelings would vary (and in what direction) if there was a "military life" qualifier.

But I know the disconcerting feelings are here in our community; my military spouse friends are feeling them. They're struggling, but oftentimes still they'll tell you they're "fine."

Well, I'm not "fine" because I don't believe them, at the least I know they can get more descriptive so we know exactly where they're at and if we can help or find out we need help ourselves.

I'm not "fine" because if one of us is not ok, then none of us should be ok.

Those of us that are feeling right, well, and happy need to be listening and surrounding those who are off, alone, and/or done.

If we're not there for them, we may find that they're not there for us when the positions are reversed. Or we may find that it was too little too late, as that has been the tragic case for some.

Right now, I've not struck on a solution for the weariness we're feeling. But I have changed my
behavior as far as gauging my mood and my feelings and I want to get better at asking others how they really are.

If they're great then I'll rejoice. If I can help them, I vow to make sure they know I will.

________
similar posts from our Loving A Soldier archives:
Why They Called Him Goose
Got That T-shirt
Out of Empathy 

Click here to read the rest of this post.

The ELF Has Arrived...

December brings the start of many traditions in our family...the Advent calendar, Advent wreath, special cookies only made this time of year, visits with the man in red, time spent with family, and of course the one most anticipated by my kids...

...the return of Penny the Elf. 

Oh yes, I caved to the Elf on the Shelf tradition a few years ago and I have to admit, it is one of the best decisions I have made. Penny the Elf keeps watch over my children during the weeks leading up to Christmas and when the sibling arguments start, all I have to do is remind them, "Penny is watching." It works every time. This simple little stuffed elf hears the kids Christmas wishes, allowing me to listen in. He even hears their troubles sometimes, listening without responding...unlike mom. 

While we do keep the more modern Elf on the Shelf tradition at our house, we also try to teach our kids what we believe to be the true meaning of Christmas. We attempt to steer them away from the materialism that the store advertisements and television ads help to create. We talk about where the legend of Santa Clause came from and how it is better to give than to receive. We try to help them appreciate their blessings and understand that there are many children less fortunate than themselves. It's certainly not an easy lesson to learn or to teach, but we do it in hopes that they will grow up to be empathetic and compassionate adults. Christmas seems like the perfect time of year to point out those values in ways that they can easily understand.

I love this time of year and the many traditions that come along with it. I was worried that this year, with my husband being deployed, I would not have much Christmas spirit and would let the traditions slide. That's definitely how I felt months ago when I thought about the holiday season...I didn't want a tree, I didn't even want to be home for the holidays. But now that December is upon us, keeping our family traditions alive has become incredibly important to me. I want this time to be happy for our kids and to make Christmas as normal as possible for them without their dad around, so that they don't feel like one more thing it missing. Our traditions are just as important to our kids as they are to us. And I'm also carrying on the traditions this year and trying to make things cheerful at home to honor my husband while he is away. Together, as a family, we have created these traditions and memories and in a sense, it would be like forgetting him if I chose to not celebrate as we normally would. He is part of our traditions and having them in our home brings a little bit of him home as well, even if he is miles away. 

I'm looking forward to all that this month brings. I'm even welcoming the craziness of shopping, baking, and visiting family! We're also hoping for a special gift from Santa (fingers crossed...more on that one later!). I know it will be harder to get it all done and that there will be days that just get me down without my husband home, but knowing that I am keeping some part of him with us through our traditions brings cheer to my spirit. And having Penny the Elf around to keep the kids in check, that will definitely help with my sanity! :)

Happy Holidays to you all!

What special traditions do you keep during the holiday season?

Click here to read the rest of this post.