WNFY?

WNFY? Nope, not the call sign to your local radio station, unless you live in Palatka, FL.

No—nothing to do with Ms. Winfrey either, although we are fans.
(When I googled “WNFY,” it was suggested that maybe I spelled her name wrong.)

Using a parenting skill I have learned well, I sometimes answer questions with questions.
So, “WNFY?” is my new question back to the person who asks the question, “What is normal?”

“What is normal for you?” I ask. You, your family, your community, etc.

Normal—Most everybody wants to know they’re normal. They also want to be an individual, but still within “social norms.” It’s human nature perhaps, to stand out but not too much. So, when you’re new to a lifestyle, whether that is transitioning from single to married life, from child-free to child-rearing life, or civilian to military life, it’s normal to look around to assess “the standard of living.” That makes sense.

What doesn’t make sense is to arrive at “normal” and think you’ve made it. Shoot, especially in military life. We’re transient people, perpetually in the “forming stage” of group development (family, units, spouse clubs), and don’t forget “deployable.” Sometimes I think “normal” is a moving target.

The New Normal—Maybe through the various classes out there you all have figured that out.

I don’t know why, but I assumed when the phrase “the new normal” was introduced a fair bit ago, I thought people were being taught to make that “one key adjustment.” I thought they were being brought around to recognize that there was an old way and a new way, and one new way fits all. I began to joke that finding the new normal is like “free beer tomorrow.” It never came for us.

In part, that is true. In the sense that people look for a broad stroke solution to fit the big picture of deployment, redeployment, PCSing or other milestones, there just isn’t one way, one new normal. That’s what I was looking for: “A,” singular. One. New. Normal. But that’s not what I’ve arrived at.

Normal for you—The new normal is always new, always evolving, always renewing. It’s not just one way for deployment and one way for redeployment. It’s different each time. We’re not crazy; it IS a moving target. Let me give you a for instance or five of them actually.

• My first deployment characteristics: I was a soldier. A deployed mother of a toddler.

• My second deployment characteristics: I was a soldier. The one left behind with a toddler. It was my first, second deployment.

• My third deployment characteristics: I was a civilian working for DA full-time. My son was a grade-schooler, and I was pregnant and going to school. It was my first, third deployment.

• My fourth deployment characteristics: I was jobless in a new town. My grade schooler was a big brother, and it was my first, fourth deployment.

• On my first, fifth deployment: I was working from home. My toddler was now a teenage boy. And just when things seemed to fitting the Iraq version of normal, my husband was deployed to Afghanistan.

It took me a long time to realize why strategies I employed the first deployment didn’t work for my first, fourth deployment or my first, fifth deployment. I had to break it down and see that one deployment normal doesn’t fit all. Only in hindsight, did I see that even though it was beginning to be normal for my husband to be deployed, every situation was different. That meant calling upon different strategies.

I talk about this a lot when Tara and I speak for our Field Exercises, and it always flips a light switch for someone. What I’m talking about is “playing the professional” and is aptly described in my favorite deployment guidebook, Separated by Duty, United in Love by Shellie Vandevoorde.

Our military life “normal” is not routine. It’s not predictable. It’s not average. That’s what’s normal for us. It’s a perfect example of how the more things change, the more they stay the same. And even though it’s your fifth deployment, it’s still your “first” fifth deployment, and with it you’ll find yet another new normal.

Just brace yourself, and remember even though you feel like a professional, like you have deja vu, you really haven't been in this exact spot before and a little continuing education can't hurt.
________

“normal” posts from our Loving A Soldier archives:
Finding New Normal
Wireless
A Good Day

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Your sign.

Life is short. There is no way to sugarcoat that fact and being military spouses, most of us have witnessed this reality first hand.

So, this is your sign.

If you were looking for one, than here you go. Take it, run and I’m sure the outcome with be fantastic!

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AWTR Show 334: How To Raise An American Patriot

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a conversation author Marijio Tinlin and her book “How to Raise an American Patriot”. We’ll talk about ideas on how – and why it’s ok – to raise our kids as proud to be American!

Resource of the Week: The Flag Keeper


Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

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The Days of Fall

I cannot believe that it's the end of September, the beginning of fall. In 2 weeks, I will be running the Army Ten Miler with fellow AWN member, Star, and so many of you out there. I am thoroughly excited. I have been training hard - sustained some injuries even - but I'm excited. I ran with the other AWN ladies last year, but I feel more prepared and more ready for the race this year. Part of that could be because I know what to expect from last year. I love that the temps are falling a bit - a perfect run temp is in the 60's, in my opinion. Here in Cincinnati, it's been even chillier than that as of recent though. I went looking for cold weather running gear and had a hard time fining it, as the stores haven't put it out yet.

As the seasons are changing, so are the seasons of life. I am changing in ways that I didn't even know or expect. I am back to being a substitute teacher, after the district I worked in cut all elementary music classes due to budgetary issues. I'm ok with that - I've been subbing almost everyday this school year. I even have some long term sub jobs lined up. I am looking at changing up my career path, though. I am going to be auditioning for several summer opera companies and music festivals for next summer. Not a path that I mind! It's just something I always thought was out of my reach, but in all reality, it's in my reach. I can do this!

I am also taking over as the FRG leader for my husband's company. This is going to be interesting. I've been second in command for awhile, so it's nothing new. It's just a change.

Today is also Sept. 15. Today would have been my friend Ashley's 42nd birthday. In my last blog post, I think I told you all about how she had just passed away from Stage IV Inflammatory Breast Cancer on August 17. Since then, her daughter had her 9th birthday. Yesterday was the Komen Race for the Cure in Cincinnati, which so many of us walked with her last year on her birthday at. Today is hard. Tomorrow is a fundraiser for her family, and I will see her husband and children for the first time since the funeral. From what I've seen on Facebook and heard through friends, they are struggling to get through each and every day. Our beautiful warrior lost her battle. The rest of us are pushing to find a way so that many others don't.

I am thankful that I have such a wonderful husband. I know that if I were to struggle like Ashley did, that he would be there every step of the way. When I went through a breast cancer scare 2 years ago, he was there every step of the way. He took me to get tests done, he fought when the tech didn't want to do a mammogram because I was only 27 years old at the time, he is on my side always. I am very blessed to have an amazing husband like I do.

He and I trekked 90 minutes to Louisville a few weeks ago to watch Troy Yocum, his wife Mareike, and their two dogs, Emmie and Harley, cross the finish line after having walked over 7800 miles across America. Mr. Yocum is an Iraq War vet who walked across America to raise money for the Wish Upon A Hero foundation. They are trying to help so many struggling military families that are out there. Being a reserve family, we see a lot of this. So many of our soldiers are out of jobs on the civilian side. We've had some soldiers that the only income they've had is their Reserve pay. Times are tough. We have families struggling to put food on the table and to have a roof over their head. I am SO thankful to hear of wonderful organizations such as Wish Upon A Hero.I took some pictures (that I have to download and post later) of Troy and Mareike with the doggies at the big bat when they crossed their finish line. What an amazing day!

This last month has been a bumpy road. I have had some joys and I have a lot of concerns. I also have great faith and know that I will get through everything.

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Featured Fan Friday 9/23

 We love our fans and want you to love them too. So each Friday we're going to feature one of our Facebook ones. Grab a cup of coffee or tea and let's get to know each other!

Your Name: Lisa F

Tell us about your soldier & your family: Where are you from? My soldier and I recently married in July! J  I am from Fredericksburg, Virginia and have lived in the same house since I was 2!  My husband was raised bicoastal with the first 10 years of his lift in South Carolina and then Washington State since then!

Where are you currently stationed?Where have you been stationed prior? We are currently stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington and he has been to Fort Benning, Georgia prior to that.

 Tell us three interesting things about you:

Three interesting things about me are that I would of never written a blog if it wasn’t for my sister-in-law, I played Division I soccer in college, and I have been in school for over 88% of my lifetime. (Yes, I just calculated it!)

What is your favorite color? Purple and Yellow!

What is your favorite food? Another toss up on foods is either bread (I can’t get enough at holidays) or any type of pasta.

Do you have a battle buddy?  No, I do not have a battle buddy as I have only been with my husband a few weeks at Fort Lewis prior to heading back to school.

What is your passion?  My passion is to help people!  I love working with people to help them get better and achieve their goals!

Do you have a quote you live by or just love?  “All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney

How did you learn about AWN?  What is your favorite AWN resource?Why do you think AWN is important to Army wives? I learned about AWN through my sister-in-law.  Honestly, I just ask my sister-in-law any questions I have and she directs me to the resources I need.  Mostly, though she answers all my questions through her experiences as an Army Wife.  I think AWN is important to Army wives because for me it is a place to realize that we all are in this together as we support our husbands and wives as they pursue their dreams.

Want to be our next Featured Fan?

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Real Warriors Campaign – A Family Member's Words

Suicide Prevention Awareness Month is September, the Real Warriors Campaign shares this message from a fellow Army wife with our readers in order to support AWN's outreach to service members, veterans and their families.

By Sheri Hall, Army wife of Maj. Jeff Hall  (pictured here)


After my husband came home from his second tour in Iraq I noticed he had a deep, dark, hollow look in his eyes. I asked him if he needed to talk to someone. I let him know that I was supportive but he wasn’t receptive at the time. I think he felt he needed to be the “macho” soldier.

I was never fearful for Jeff’s life while he was in combat, since I knew that he trained himself well. But that all changed when Jeff returned and began having suicidal thoughts. I told him that while I didn’t know the effects of combat, I knew that something was wrong. It was hard because he kind of pushed me and our two daughters away. Finally, after going to his commander, I sat down with him and said, “If you kill yourself, how do I explain it to your daughters, your mother and father, and my family?” It was like a light bulb went on, with the help of his commander we found a psychologist who got Jeff into an intensive 3-week treatment program at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., at the Deployment Health Clinical Center.

As a military spouse you are often the first one to notice when something is different when your service member returns from combat. Look for signs: changes in sleep patterns, aggression, mood swings, lack of engagement with family, loss of interest, and most importantly keep that line of communication as open as possible. I wish I had stood firmer with Jeff and said, “No, you’re going to get help” when he resisted. Don’t just let things be.

There are so many great resources available for those dealing with reintegration and the possible effects of combat stress following a deployment. I recommend checking out the free resources offered through the Real Warriors Campaign and the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury, such as the Outreach Center’s live chat, which instantly connects users with trained health resource consultants who offer support for psychological health concerns. The Outreach Center is also available through a 24/7 confidential and anonymous hotline at 866-966-1020.

One of the great things about the Outreach Center is that anyone can call on behalf of a loved one or friend if you think they may be experiencing psychological health concerns to learn about resources are available in their area. The Real Warriors Campaign website also features articles for active duty, National Guardsmen and reservists, veterans, family members and health professionals with practical tips on everything from post-deployment, during deployment to reintegration.

My husband is still serving. He is currently Operations Training Officer, Team 1, 1st Army Headquarters in Rock Island, Illinois.

Real Warriors was a Resource of the Week on Army Wife Talk Radio. Here's a link to that podcast: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/awtr/2010/12/14/army-wife-talk-radio-show-295-senior-spouse-experi.mp3.

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It's a Fiesta for Mess Hall!

For this month's Mess Hall, we're having a Fiesta with EatingWell's Chilaquiles Casserole! Check back later for a review of the recipe.
In the meantime, you can click HERE to get the recipe!

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WIN with USAA - Life Insurance Awareness Month

 

Life Insurance Awareness Month Quiz
Courtesy of USAA

September is Life Insurance Awareness Month. To celebrate USAA and Army Wife Network are joining forces to give away an iPod shuffle to one lucky winner! Simply COMMENT to this blog post with your answers/"best guess" to the following questions (don't cheat - though we did provide you the answers at the end - every person who TRIES will be entered to win). Feel free to ask any questions you have about life insurance as well and we'll direct them to the experts! We will draw from those COMMENTS made by Sept 23rd and announce our winner on our blog Sept 26. Have fun!

1.    True or false. All active duty service members and Guard or reserves who are in a drilling status qualify for group life insurance.
a.    True
b.    False

2.    Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance stops:

a.    90 days after you return from deployment.
b.    120 days after you leave the military.
c.    One full calendar year after you leave the military.
d.    There is no stop date.

3.    True or false. Life insurance can provide tax advantages for your beneficiaries—there's typically no federal income tax on the money they receive.

a.    True
b.    False

4.    Life insurance premiums can vary, but generally the premiums are lower if:

a.    You sign up for a policy before age 35
b.    You have more than four people in your family
c.    You are younger and healthier
d.    You

5.    True or False. If you are planning to leave the military, you should start shopping for life insurance about two months ahead of your planned retirement or separation date.

a.    True
b.    False

6.    True or false. If you had free coverage for your children under Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance, then you will also get free coverage under a new policy.

a.    True
b.    False

7.    Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) provides:

a.    Up to $400,000 of term life insurance protection while you are on active duty, or are in the National Guard or reserves; $100,000 of coverage for your spouse and $10,000 for each child.
b.    Up to $400,000 of term life insurance only while you are on active duty, and $100,000 of coverage for your spouse and $10,000 for each child.
c.    Up to $200,000 of term life insurance protection while you are on active duty, or are in the National Guard or reserves; $100,000 of coverage for your spouse and $10,000 for each child.
d.    Up to $200,000 of term life only while you are on active duty and $100,000 of coverage for your spouse and $10,000 for each child.

8.    To replace SGLI coverage after you leave the military, you can either:

a.    Only convert your SGLI to Veterans Group Life Insurance (VGLI)
b.    Convert your SGLI to Veterans Group Life Insurance or Purchase your own term or permanent life insurance policy
c.    Only purchase  your own term or permanent life insurance policy after 120 days of separation from the military
d.    Convert your SGLI to VGLI and then purchase your own term or permanent life insurance policy.

9.    VGLI and SGLI policies differ in the following ways (pick two):

a.    VGLI premiums are much lower, but increase rapidly as you age
b.    You cannot insure your spouse or children through a VGLI
c.    VGLI premiums are higher than for SGLI, and they increase as you age
d.    You can insure your spouse, but not children through a VGLI

10.    True or false. Unlike term life insurance, most permanent life insurance policies are designed to build cash value.

a. True

b. False

1. A 2. B 3. A 4. C 5. A 6. B 7. A 8. B 9. B&C 10. A
USAA Life Insurance Company, San Antonio, TX and USAA Life Insurance Company of New York, Highland Falls New York

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Writing a Personal Note to the Ones I Love

It’s official, I have changed my title from army fiancé to army wife and I couldn’t be happier or more proud!  We had a beautiful wedding and celebration with family and friends and I know this sounds really cheesy but it was so nice to be surrounded by so much love and support.

As I am sitting at home next to my husband (that’s still really weird to say!) writing thank you cards for all of the wedding gifts we received I suddenly realize I have so much to say to all of these wonderful people in my life and I’m wondering why I haven’t sent them a card telling them how I feel prior to now.  Why does it take a special occasion for me to send a thank you card to all of these people when they have obviously had such a positive impact on my life? 

There is something so special about getting a hand written note from someone.  I have a large decorated box filled with notes and cards from loved ones.  Every year my grandma sends me a birthday card and while I was always excited for the 10-dollar bill that was included in the card, my favorite part was the hand written note she wrote to me talking about life on the farm, her garden, her farm cats, and my cousins.  I still look forward to that card every year when my birthday rolls around.  My box also has a large envelope of letter from the love of my life.  While I am always excited for any type of communication with him while he is away, there is something so special about receiving a tangible letter from him in the mail.   I think it has something to do with holding something that he has recently held and reading something that he has so diligently written down. 

These hand-written notes, whomever they may be from, have always come in a time that I have most needed the love and support.  It makes me wonder, if these have had such a big impact on my life, why do I not write notes like this more often to the ones I love and care about. 

As I am writing these thank you notes I am ready to challenge myself to continue to write a personal note to someone in my life at least once a week.  My hope is that by taking a couple minutes to let someone know that I am thinking about them it may help to brighten their day by just a little.

Now I get that I may be overestimating the power of my words and the power of a card, but do you see the worth in giving people words that come from your heart? 

A love note to yourself:

As I wrote this post it made me think of the summers I spent at church retreats and summer camps, random I know!
One of the things that I remember doing multiple times at these retreats is having the opportunity to sit down and write a love note to myself.  This was a note that was seen only by myself.  I was able to express how I was feeling at the time.  I always tried to include words of encouragement and goals for the coming months.  We would seal our love notes, address them to ourselves, add a stamp and we would passed it off to our group leaders.

In the coming months, our group leader would randomly place our love notes in the mail and they would be off to find us.  By the time the note would come in the mail, I would be surprised to see it.  As life and stress took over, I almost always forgot the words that I wrote in that letter to myself only months prior.  It always amazed me that the love note always found me at the perfect time, at the time that I most need to hear the love, strength, and words of encouragement from myself.

This is something that I have continued to do with my bible study group and something that you could easily do with your group of friends.  Take some time to write a love note to yourself, exchange it with your friends knowing that they will eventually place it in the mail and it will find you when you need it most.  Trust me, it is so worth it!

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AWTR Show 333: Servicemembers Civil Relief Act

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for an informative discussion on the benefits soldiers receive under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) with attorney Lisa Windsor.

Resource of the Week: Tricare Pharmacy Program


Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

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A little taste of Fall

I.love.Fall.

Apple dishes, late summer tomatoes, squashes, broccoli, kale, stews and soups.

Ok, so maybe I really love Fall food.

Summer is full of casual, fresh food: salads and grilling and fruit. Fall is slower, more thoughtful. Deeper flavors, and hearty, nourishing ingredients. As if nature was preparing us for winter.

This year, it feels like life has mirrored the tastes of the season. My summer was fun, busy, full of travel  and always on the go. As much as I enjoyed it- I'm ready for a break. I'm ready for cool days checking on a beef stew and roasting squash for a multitude of recipes.

Here at Fort Leonard Wood, we've finally had a break in the heat. We've had some rain and temperatures have dropped into the 50s. I finally felt ok about spending the whole day in the house last week. In fact, I don't think I ever put on my shoes- fuzzy socks were plenty. I pulled out my fall wreath yesterday and hung it on the front door. My ceramic pumpkin sits cheerily on our coffee table.

I can finally take a deep breath. Stay in my pajamas for a day if I feel like it. Use the last of the summer's tomatoes to make from scratch marinara to preserve that last breath of summer- something to enjoy when it's just too cold for me and I'm longing for summer's casual sunshine. I was even happy for the rain and cold air- for the excuse to snuggled into a hoodie sweatshirt of my husband's along with my rain boots.

How do you mark the season? Your favorite bit of fall? What tells YOU that fall has arrived?

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Redeployment: Attitude is Everything.

Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. As you think, so shall you be. ~ William James

I bought a daily calendar at the beginning of the year at the BookMark that I am enjoying. It is called Page.A.Day Notepad + Calendar. It has a daily quote, and new word to learn, on this day information, birthdays, and a joke, plus calendar.

Today, I wrote one of the quotes that has really got me thinking. It says we can alter our lives by altering our attitudes. I completely agree even though it's easier said than done.

Recently I went to help out a newly acquainted friend in a crisis. I didn't know her that well beforehand (pre-crisis), but in any case she needed help and I stepped up.

Now, I am not trying to get glory from it because WE all do it. It's part of our military foundations--especially being overseas. We have to help each other--we are military spouses and especially during a deployment. I found though---that sometimes we all want help, but sometimes we don't want to reciporcate that kindness.

Now, if that happens...this is where the quote comes in...it all boils down to our attitudes and understand why we help others or not. To be bitter or not. To be happy or not.

Deployments are the perfect example. I went to a fantastic ACS class about redeployment and the ACS rep explained much of the feelings and attitudes, we all have Spouse vs. Soldiers, and that we should be able to understand what and how the other person is feeling. Most of the time our expectations are usually higher than the reality.

I am glad I went to the class even though I am a seasoned spouse. It did help me to remind myself of what is to come during this redeployment--for my family.

It made me realized and helped me fully understand that my attitude towards life is everthing. I can't wait to see my husband again. I don't do a countdown, but I know it's coming---and coming soon.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jessica S.

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I finally weigh what my military ID says I weigh.

Like you don’t lie about your weight...

As of today, September 15, 2011, I weigh 253 pounds. Yeah, no kidding, that is still a lot to weigh, especially at 5’7”. But. I lost 61 pounds to get there. When I started my weight loss journey, I was at my heaviest, 314 pounds. I hear the gasps, and I had the same gasp when I was weighed for my going-to-Korea physical.
When the nurse said, “You are 314 pounds,” I told her her scale was broken. She laughed as if I were joking. I was then told by my fat doctor that I was fat and needed to lose weight. Pfft. Whatever. You first.

On February 19, 2011, my two-year-old, Matthew, wanted me to run after him. So, not thinking about it, I attempted to do so. Approximately three seconds later, I was winded and devoid of energy. The fat doctor was right. I was (am) fat, and I needed to lose weight. Desperately. That’s when it all clicked.

I got on the computer and researched (what felt like the bowels of) the internet, trying to figure out the best way to lose weight. By the end of my hours of research and talking to people who have lost significant amounts of weight, the consensus was the same: diet and exercise. Dammit. I was hoping for a magic pill or at least a hypnotherapist’s phone number and office hours. Okay, fine. Diet and exercise it is.

I have a two-year-old who insists on attaching himself to my hip, because his very life depends on it. Well, at least I think his life depends on it. Considering the screaming and the thrusting of his body on the floor as though he were fighting for his life, I’m guessing my hip is vital to his survival. Anyway, working out during the day would be an issue as a result. I decided I was going to wake up early and work out before he woke up. I should have known the moment I even THOUGHT about waking up early that that simply was not going to happen. I am not what you would call a “morning” person. I am what you call an “early afternoon” person. So, I started making excuses. I can’t work out, because my son is home. I can’t work out, because I just ate. I can’t work out, because my sneakers don’t fit right. I can’t work out, because my sports bra isn’t sporty enough. I can’t work out, because my socks are white.

I emailed my friend, Katie P., because she’s very much into healthy and fitness, asking her for advice on where to start and some words of wisdom. She pointed me in the right direction and even recommended I try a kickboxing workout called TurboJam. I had to start somewhere, and I didn’t want to wait on DVDs to arrive, so my husband suggested I start working out on the elliptical we have at home. The elliptical? You mean the thing we hang laundry on? Yeah, we had the thing for months. It was probably the biggest dust collector I’ve ever had. I blew the dust on it and went at it. I couldn’t last five minutes on the elliptical, but I tried a little more every day. After a month, I was on the elliptical for about 45 minutes straight every day. (It’s amazing how you’ll find the time for something if you really want it.) I ended up getting really bored using the elliptical. I would watch TV, play music, an audio book… boooooring. I didn’t want this to be another excuse for me to not work out. So, I said screw it, and ordered the TurboJam DVDs. Best. Decision. Ever.

I got my DVDs in the mail, and that elliptical was history. I actually started to enjoy working out. Me. A girl who’s been fat her entire life, who didn’t work out her entire life… until now.

When we got to Korea, we lived in a hotel for two stinking months with no access to a kitchen. We ate every single meal at a restaurant. I stopped my regimen and gained about 10 pounds back as a result. I was so pissed about it, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. We moved into our apartment July 1, and I finally started back on my routine July 11. I missed my work out. I missed my routine. I missed that hour of “me” time every day. I have it back, and no one will take it away from me again! Except the Army when we PCS.

A total of 21 weeks of diet and exercise, and I’m down 61 pounds. I am trying to get back down to my original weight of 9 pounds, 2 ounces. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’ll get there. Statistics say that 95% of the people who lose a significant amount of weight gain it all back. You know what? Statistics also say that a toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans. Does that mean I am going to choke on a toothpick? No. Does that mean I'll be one of the 95% who don't keep it off? No. I am going to reach my goal and help others reach theirs in the process. Most importantly, I am going to keep it off. (Ahh, the power of words...) And when I do succeed, I am going on a nice three-day vacation (sans two-year-old hip monster) to celebrate and binge eat like there’s no tomorrow.

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Mommmmmmy! I'm BORED!

I think it would be safe to say that at some point in all of our childhood's we have all said "MOMMMMMY! I'M BORED!" in some variation. For those of us that are parents to children old enough to know what boredom is, I think it would be safe to say we have heard those words as well. Except in my house it's "daddy" and not "mommy".

I have to admit, as an adult, those words drive me bonkers. I mean seriously, what are the video games, television, toys, bicycle, skateboard, basketball, books and who knows what else? Are they objects that were purchased just to collect dust? No, they were bought to keep my kids from getting bored. But I get it that kids are sometimes bored. Sometimes they just want interaction with another human being. And that's when if we can we should step in as parents.

The only thing that irks me more than my child saying they are bored or that there is nothing to do, is hearing an adult say it. Sure, boredom does come. There are times when it seems there isn't a whole lot to do(especially during a winter here in Kansas), but really, there are plenty of options in our own homes to keep us from becoming too terribly bored. But if we are cooped up too long and we just can't find the satisfaction in our own "stuff", we as adults typically have more options to interact with other humans than kids do.

I understand some families are only one car homes. Ours is. So getting out and about can sometimes be tricky. But I think we often allow a bit of laziness paired with lack of effort and a willingness to look to keep us from being entertained.

I am going to assume that the vast majority of those reading this are at or very close to a military installation. So when I say what I am going to in this blog I think most people know what I am saying.

GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING! LOOK! DON'T JUST SIT THERE!

I find that our family is very fortunate to be an Army family. Why? Because the Army has heard and done a good job at trying to reach our families. When I check the local DFMWR website/facebook page or the post facebook page, I can almost be guaranteed that over the weekend something will be going on that is trying to reach my family. And best of all most of the events are free! (This is also another great reason to have your FRG and FRSA know your contact information. I get weekly updates about happening from both our battalion and brigaide FRSA's.)

Not only is the post/Army trying to give our families things to do, the surrounding community is as well. Sure the events aren't always headliner entertainment type of events. And the venues aren't typically like Disney World, but there are options. There is something to do. It takes a willingness to try new things and get out and explore to really escape the boredom. Occasionally it even takes a little hard work in the form of picking up either the Post newspaper or a local newspaper(I know, archaic). And for those of us who are on the lazier side, we can simply google things. But if you are like me and totally lethargic when it comes to putting forth any effort on anything, then all it takes is finding others in our area via a facebook page to ask them what is going on or what there is to do.

If there is one thing I have learned about us MILspouse's it is that we know where all the best deals are and especially where the free things are.

One of the greatest things I find about being part of the Army family is the opportunity to experience new places. Just this past weekend I packed up the boys and drove to a town about 40 miles away(everything in Kansas is 40 miles away if you didn't know). The town we went to was absolutely no big deal at all(if I had to guess maybe a city of 15,000-they don't even have a Walmart within a 40 mile radius! I know, the HORROR!). Yet the nearly hour long ride in the country, the 30 minutes spent traveling the small city streets and gazing at the historic downtown area followed by 90 minutes at the local city park made for an amazing afternoon. In total, we spent maybe $8 in gas. But the 4 hours of quality time breaking up our mundane and repetitive days during a deployment were literally priceless.

Having arrived at our very first duty station in October of last year and my wife deploying just 3 months later didn't leave me much time to get acquainted with the area or the people. Or even the lifestyle for that matter. I got the cabin fever over the winter. But I made every effort to find things to do. Not just to keep my 2 year old from being bored, but to keep myself from boredom as well. I did piss and moan a lot at the beginning about being bored and lonely, but once I got past that and decided I need to be as proactive as possible, things got so much better.

I am not going to say it will always be easy. Arriving in a new area and knowing no one makes it very difficult to connect. But if me as a man can do it, all the rest should be able to do it even easier. Sometimes just getting out of our pajama's is hard, especially during a deployment, but it's not impossible.

It doesn't matter if you have kids or not, there is something to do. There is an opportunity waiting to be found. It could be an opportunity to volunteer or it could be an opportunity to get with your local ACS and take classes to both network with others and learn more about the life we live. I can guarantee if you have access to an ACS there is a life enriching opportunity just sitting there waiting for you to pounce on it.

America has become known as the land of the free and the home of the brave. Well that's what we view it as. But those who settled this country and those who desire to live here that are in other countries view our great nation as the land of opportunity.

So what are you you going to do with the opportunity you have been given as a MILspouse? Are you going to watch your 3 years at that Post you are at pass you by? Or are you going to make "carpe diem" your favorite expression?

Carpe Diem:
1: live in present; used as an invocation to enjoy the present and not worry about the future.

2: act of living for the present; the act of living for the moment and enjoying the present.


*I understand not everyone who is reading this lives at or near a military installation, but the basic principle can be applied no matter where you live.*

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AWTR Show 332: National Guard Family Programs

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a unique look into the lives of our National Guard and their family programs with author and military spouse Deanna Cole.

Resource of the Week: MSCCN


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Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

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School Begins Yet Again

It is that time of the year again where Walmart is full of parents buying the upcoming school items for the year. I see all the little kids either super excited to get their school supplies or the kids that have the dreaded look. When I was little, I loved going back to school and learning. I think my favorite part of all is my mom and dad would both take off the first day of school. Mom would make a big breakfast and pack us our lunches for the day. In elementary school, both our parents would walk me to the bus stop and wish us off.

As I started my last year of school (please, please don’t let me want a specialty) last week, I thought back to the first day of school traditions my instilled in me. While I am normally a yogurt and fruit person, I decided to make a big breakfast. It brought me back to the memories of my childhood when mom would kiss me on the forehead and wish me luck!

Even though I currently do no have children, I know that when it is their first day of school I would like to make them a big healthy breakfast. I would also love to pack their lunch with a little note. While I know my husband might not be there, I hope that if he can he will see them off on the school bus. Are there any first day traditions you all participate in?

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AWTR Show 331: When Someone You Love Suffers From PTSD

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a conversation with psychologist Jason DeViva. We’ll be discussion what to do when someone you love suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Resource of the Week:A Million Thanks


Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

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Celebrating Labor Day

    Labor Day is a unique holiday in that most of the holidays celebrated here in the United States are tied to an important battle, religious event, or significant person in our history.  Labor day is not dedicated to one specific person, race, religion, or event.  Labor Day celebrates every American working man and woman! 


    Most people probably don't know much about the origins of this holiday.  Many see today as more of a sign that the end of summer is upon us and it is time to head back to school and prepare for the cooler temperatures of fall.  That one last hoorah before kids go back to school and autumn begins.  


    Labor Day was actually celebrated as early as 1882, when 10,000 American workers held a parade on September 5th in New York City.  In 1893 more than half of the states were celebrating "Labor Day".  Finally, in 1894 Congress passed a bill establishing Labor Day as a national holiday on the first Monday in September. President Grover Cleveland signed the bill.  


    In July 2011 it was recorded that there were 153.2 million Americans making up our nation's labor force.  Now in present day it is even harder on workers.  Many are losing their jobs due to a failing economy and many of us find ourselves on hard times financially.  


    This Labor Day I want to take a moment to reflect and remember the importance of what the American people accomplish everyday.  So many jobs that people perform that we take for granted.  Postal workers, our military service members, our janitors, sanitation crews, police officers, EMTs, teachers, and many more.  These workers and many more built America!  They fought in our wars and built our country into the nation it is today.  Take time to appreciate the ones that work for us everyday.  


    This Labor Day, as you are preparing your children for school, pulling out sweaters and jackets for fall and packing away summer clothes, and BBQ'ing with friends, remember this quote from Abraham Lincoln, "Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed.  Labor is the superior of capital and deserves much the higher consideration."


Happy Labor Day!!


Janet

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Let's hope this downward slope is just a really fun slide!

It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.  ~Desiderius Erasmus

On this day in 1975 I took my first glimpse of this journey that is my life.

Another year has passed and I'm now on the downward slide into the big 4-0. I turn 36 today. It used to be, as the years passed, that I would have this overwhelming fear of getting old. Admittedly, I am not enjoying the fact that my metabolism is slowing, my eyes are sprouting new wrinkles, and my hair has a new shade - what's that? GREY?! NO WAY! But, this year I find myself celebrating vs. feeling the dread of coming closer to mid-life. 


I can easily make a joke of it and tell you to just look at Jennifer Aniston -she's hot and she's 40. That means 40 is the new 20 right? Or I can throw some comments your way about "you know you're getting old when". Let's see - when the soldiers doing PT look like 3rd graders, when the newscasters look like they're not old enough to be out of high school, when you start calling your waitress "sweetie" and leaving her extra money so she can "make it through college", or even when your kids start crafting "plans" that you used to pull in high school and you find yourself saying "I made that prank up girlfriend! You can't fool me. I'm the QUEEN." Ya, I have many of them I could share. 

The truth is though, I'm probably the most comfortable in my own skin as I've ever been these days. I"m done worrying about what everyone else thinks. I am ME world - take it or leave it. There are many days lately I've given up makeup and donned my grey sweats simply because they're comfortable. I realized that I might even have my own "style" and I'm good with that. I have given in to my body and it's extremely weird "getting old" changes it's making and chalk it up to "you can't help the way you are wired." 


Because in the end I love my life. I'm proud of what I've crafted on my journey. I feel that if I left this Earth today I've made a footprint. And no matter how quirky I am - with all of my flaws - I am an original.  

So bring it on YEARS - I've got a lot of fight left in me. Ya, that's right you crazy grey hairs, funky pains, new phobias, parenting challenges, and slow metabolism - I'm not scared of you! 

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“Why today? Why September 11th?”

I remember asking my friends that question while we were walking home. We were scared and confused, but we truly had no grasp on the gravity of the situation.

September 11th, 2001, wasn’t a typical school day from the start. At the time, I was a senior in high school. I attended Cathedral High School, an all-girl prep school, in mid-town Manhattan, approximately four miles from the World Trade Center. That morning, our teachers were outside, picketing. I think they were protesting their poor salary, but, in all honesty, I cannot remember; I was entirely too consumed in my own teenage life to care. The classrooms didn’t have teachers, so we basically sat around and talked. Not the best way to spend the day, considering our parents were paying a hefty tuition to send us there, but I digress.

A fellow student received a phone call. Someone bombed the World Trade Center. Hmm. That’s strange. Why on Earth would someone do that? I thought. After about five minutes of speculation, we turned on the television that was in the classroom. It was grainy, but what I remember seeing was the first tower and that plume of smoke you see in 9/11 images. That doesn’t look like it was bombed. Shortly thereafter, the entire school, all 1,200 of us, were summoned to the gymnasium.

The World Trade Center was attacked. A plane flew into one of the towers. What? Who? How? Why? Many, if not most, of the people in our school lived near the WTC or knew someone, directly or indirectly, who was near Ground Zero. Our principal at the time, Sister Elizabeth, sent us home, one class level at a time. The seniors left first.

I was with my friends Ashley R., Jackie F., Jessica R., and Vivian P. We started heading north, because, thankfully, we all lived in the upper east side of Manhattan, within a few miles of school. I say “thankfully,” because just a month prior, I was living in the Bronx, and that would have been a really, REALLY long walk.

When we were walking home, I remember thinking how I felt like we were plucked out of our every-day lives and placed onto a movie set. I remember seeing hundreds of people walking in the streets and sidewalks. Public transportation, something New Yorkers rely very heavily on, was shut down. Cars were stagnant in the road. People were gathered in random stores and businesses, glued to the television. We were even stopped on our walk home by the Red Cross, asking that we donate blood. That night, Ashley and I had tickets to go to an O-Town in concert. (Oh, yeah. I’ll admit it. I loved me some O-Town. Whatever happened to those pretty boys, anyway?) The concert, however, wasn’t even a blip on the radar for us; we wanted to know what in the world was going on.

Vivian got home first; she lived closer to the school than the rest of us. We kept going, and I was the next to get home. I found my mother, glued to the television. When she heard me put my bag down, she hugged me the tightest I’ve ever been hugged, and we continued to watch the footage. (My mother had worked near the World Trade Center at the American Stock Exchange. If you don’t know, it is just blocks away. She even used to have lunch at the Windows On The World restaurant in the North Tower of the WTC.) Then I saw the recap of what I had missed on my walk home.

Watching the south tower being hit by that airliner will forever be emblazoned in my mind. Ten years later, it still sends chills up my spine. Up until recent years, I couldn’t watch 9/11 footage or documentaries without bursting into tears. When I lived in DC in 2009, I remember driving by the Pentagon and feeling completely awestruck by how close the Pentagon is to the highway. I remember thinking how horrifying it must’ve been to see the plane basically falling out of the sky.

In 2001, I worked in a supermarket in the upper east side of Manhattan. Firemen from several engine and ladder companies shopped at this specific supermarket, to my surprise and delight. (We won’t even get into the majorly huge crush I had on this particular redhead. My husband probably would not appreciate it all that much.) After September 11th, New York City firemen were celebrities in their own right. I remember people stopping the firemen in the supermarket, thanking them for their service. People would scream, shout, and clap for the fire trucks driving by. I remember seeing candlelight vigils on random sidewalks. One of the more painful memories I have is seeing all the “Missing Person” posters. Gosh. They were everywhere. Death tends to remind you to be thankful you’re alive. We owe a debt of gratitude to those who gave their lives that day and the days following. From those who were on search and rescue missions, recovery missions, and the clean up process. They were, and are, truly appreciated. To the families of those who were on the planes, words cannot express our collective sorrow, and our hearts go out to you.

It is almost exactly ten years later, and, my, how things have changed. I am an Army wife now, and I see how powerful our freedoms are and how privileged we are as Americans. I don’t think I ever truly appreciated how important our military is and how actively they try to protect us until we got to Seoul. Sure, I am and have always been thankful for our freedoms, and my husband is a wonderful soldier, but before we got here, I was never in another country, much less another country that semi-regularly protests against our troops. Despite the protests, our service members still show up for work, ready to “fight tonight,” to protect people, even those who protest it.

Ten years later, we are all different people. Every day will always be September 12th. To my friends and family in New York, you are on my mind and in my heart, especially on the tenth anniversary. Specifically Ashley, Jackie, Jessica, and Vivian – wherever you may be in life, whenever I think of that horrific day, your strength, humor and love will always be my silver lining.

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It's a Love/Hate Thing

It's one of those relationships. You know the kind...you can't live without it, but then there are those times where you really wish you could just go for a few minutes without it being stuck at your side. You love it for what it gives you, but you hate it for how dependent it makes you feel. And so describes the Love/Hate relationship in my life, yet it's not with a person...it's with my cell phone.

After years of having a very basic cell phone and not even knowing how to send a text, I decided to get a "smart" phone when my husband left for basic training. It was actually a pretty poor excuse for a smart phone - we bought it off eBay and it did pretty much the same thing as my old, outdated phone. It just looked fancier. Anyway, he was allowed to have a cell phone when he left for his MOS training and this became our primary mode of communication. We could send text messages throughout the day and I always felt like I was in contact with him. I never missed a call because the phone might as well have been glued to my side. The darn thing even went to the bathroom with me. Too much information, I know. But you get my point, we were NEVER apart.

That was four years ago. Now with this current deployment, I upgraded to one of those "really smart" phones. You know the kind - the ones that allow you to keep up with email and text while watching videos of cute kittens and updating your Facebook status and location as being in the bathroom. This thing has so many features that half the time I can't even find the phone, let alone download new apps. I got this new one because it would allow me to Skype with my husband even when I was away from my computer. I would never be out of reach now if my husband had a few precious minutes to chat. While I loved that this allowed constant contact with my husband, I began to resent the invasion of privacy. Not from my husband, but from the phone! It never fails, as soon as I went to put the kids to bed (or heaven forbid I get in the shower!), it would ring, or ding, or buzz, or make some other obnoxious sound begging me to pick it up. And of course, it knows that I can't resist it. Since I can't tell which sound or vibration goes to which app or program, I hear one and always get excited thinking it's a new message from my husband. Only to find out that 9 times out of 10 it's probably just an email from the phone company trying to get me to upgrade to the newest "really, REALLY smart" phone (which I probably wouldn't even be able to turn on). I appreciate that I can talk to my husband, half a world away, anytime that he has a moment at the computer, but I do fear that it's turning me into a Facebook stalker as well. I'm constantly watching for his status to switch to "online" so I can quick send him a chat message. Poor guy, he has no privacy! It doesn't do much for my stress level at times either. If he is offline for a longer amount of time than usual, I start to worry and the anxiety levels go up. Hence the "hate" part of the relationship.

All that said though, I could not imagine having gone through a deployment in the days before cell phones, or computers for that matter. To have to wait days, or even months for a letter would be agonizing. There may be things that I don't like about having my cell phone as my constant companion, but I would certainly rather have it than not. I love that I could take a photo of our son on his first day of second grade and quickly email it to Daddy so that he could be part of the big day. I even was able to take a video of our daughter riding her bike without training wheels for the first time so that he didn't have to miss it. Having such close contact has allowed me to say goodnight to my husband many nights as I lay in bed, making him feel just a little closer to home. It may drive me nuts to have the phone with me everywhere I go, but I have to admit it makes the separation a little easier to handle. As with everything though, it's a balancing act. I'm learning that I don't have to jump at every sound it makes. It will wait, but bedtime will not and my kids should not. And yes, it is OK to go to the bathroom without it (in fact, that's probably best). It might even be a little bit liberating to put it on silent for a while! But some day maybe I'll actually learn how to use all of it's smart, fancy features...I wonder if it can cook dinner...

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