Army Wife Life (AWL) Terms and Conditions

I played with the title of this post: everything from "The Good Army Wife" to "What Don't You Know?"
or "It Bears Repeating."

~ the Good being a qualitative descriptor for an Army wife who knows her "place" in the Army family, is aware of her rights and responsibilities, and knows and accepts the "terms and conditions" of this Army Wife Life. Much like when author Michael Schudson refers to The Good Citizen he is talking about a citizen with the right characteristics and practices even while being quite non-conclusive as to exactly what they are. But we know them when we see them and we know when someone is completely off the mark.

~ What don't you know? was the web link label for Newsweek's citizen sample test whose results we discussed on Monday's (3/28/2011) Army Wife Talk Radio show. Of 1,000 random U.S. citizens:

29% percent couldn’t name the vice president
73% couldn’t correctly say why we fought the Cold War
44% were unable to define the Bill of Rights
6% couldn’t circle Independence Day on a calendar

The results got me thinking. Not so much about citizenship but about how sometimes as leaders we assume everyone knows what we know. And message sent = message received of "if we've said it once, we've said it 1,000 times (and it must have been heard 1,000 times)." No matter how you slice it, those things are not true. Many things warrant an outline, a cheat-sheet, and often bear repeating.

As a seasoned Army wife, I repeat myself a lot to new Army wives, my family-without-a-clue, and sometimes to spouses who all of a sudden need the Cliffs notes because they think they remember hearing this that or the other and now for whatever reason they need a refresher or Readers' Digest version. Let me back-up and say two things: I have never publicly declared myself as a seasoned Army wife (I must be feeling rather salty right now) and I have never been impatient with saying something 1,000 times. If it helps a spouse out, I'm happy to oblige. It's one of those responsibilities I eluded to earlier and I'm lucky it's my passion.

So, here are those good-to-know Army wife things. If they're obvious to you, you're lucky, make sure you're sharing your knowledge and helping spouses out who just don't know what they don't know.

Army Wife Life Terms and Conditions (according to Star):

10. Military IDs (Identification and Privilege Cards) can be issued at any military installation
Your ID card is your proof of citizenship in the military community. A trip to get yours could be likened to the fabled trips to the DMV. You need many forms of identification and your soldier has to vouch for you, but if you realize the numerous benefits and privileges it unlocks for you, you will be diligent in keeping it safe and up to date. As a National Guard wife, I have gone to some pretty obscure locations to take care of this task. You don't have to go to an Army fort if you're an Army wife and installation policies and hours vary. I continually refer spouses to the RAPIDS (Real-Time Automated Personnel Identification System) site locator and tell spouses to call ahead to the location they're going to to to get all their questions answered before they attempt the process.

9. Military wives' rank is CIV for civilian
You're not the same civilian you used to be; with ID in hand, you are a member of the military community. But the rank on that ID belongs to your sponsor not you. The level of responsibility and sphere of influence associated with that rank is due to your sponsor. You gain influence by continually showing up (not showing out), treating others how you want to be treated, and putting in the time. You can definitely adopt the Household 6 call sign (HH6), but taking things any further than that usually don't go over very well and are in pretty poor taste.

8. Hurry-up and wait can be a good thing
You will always hurry to get paperwork turned in on time; for schools, promotions, passes and leave, housing, personnel actions, and so forth. You may have to hurry up to the unit to take something your husband has forgotten. And hurrying is usually associated with getting to meetings on time too, only to find out you have to wait for the right people to get there to address you. You'll definitely have to wait for the aforementioned paperwork to be reviewed, staffed, and forwarded up the chain. Knowing the delays are usually not personal helps. Being familiar with the process and asking questions helps make the wait easier to endure too.

I like the waiting. The lull. Use the time to anticipate the next situation you'll have to hurry for and get ready. Always bring a good book or your smart phone for those various periods of waiting. And remember your smile--you never know who you'll befriend while waiting in line, in the bleachers, or in the ER.

7. You serve too
According to a recent Military Family Lifestyle survey conducted by Blue Star Families, “Sixty-eight percent of survey participants [military families] volunteer.” This compared to a national average of just under twenty-seven percent, the highest since 2005. Helping one another is a Family trait; a skill-set, a survival technique if you will. We help each other as a way to pay it forward of course, but also to act out our gratitude. We know what has been given and what can be taken away. Find your gift and use it. It makes the time go by faster and keeps you connected whether you've been at a post a long while or you're just getting warmed up.

6. "I Hate the Army Days" happen You probably had an IHTAD just the other day. Maybe it was because you had to wait for something too long, again. Guaranteed, they're going to happen. When you're in the midst, I want you to remember some advice I have given 1,000 times.

"Remember to maintain perspective. Sometimes it is you and your soldier against ‘fill-in-the-blank’, but it should never be you against your soldier."

Also remember, I hate working-at-home days exist. I hate working at Widget HQ or fill-in-the-blank for any office and organization days exist too. There are just as many or more good days and 1001 Things to Love About Military Life. (We are soooo looking forward to blogging about a lot of those reasons in the coming months and years to help you through those once-in-a-blue moon IHTADs.)

5. Military Spouse Residency Relief Act and Military Family and Medical Leave Act
I mentioned about "rights and responsibilities". As a military family member/spouse, your rights are enlarging beyond the simple tolerance once held for spouses. MSRRA and the military provisions in the Family and Medical Leave Act are a couple important developments in my book. Great groups like AUSA, Blue Star Families, and the National Military Family Association are worth checking into and supporting. They are a few voices on Capitol Hill looking out for military families interests and concerns.

4. It takes one to know one
No one gets me or my life like a military spouse. It could be one I just met, but we have similar war stories and things we just couldn't make up. I don't make friends easily, but having that one thing in common crosses many bridges and makes it easier at each duty station. I find I really enjoy books by military spouses for military spouses too. I have learned a ton from those who walk ahead and beside me. For each spouse conference I've participated in, there is something I learn and take away from newbies and seasoned spouses alike. This is the biggest thing that I think Guard and Reserve spouses don't get often enough, a community of spouses just like them. If you're far from post, I recommend books and a battle buddy, more than one if you can manage.

3. "They" are all human
You will deal with "they" sometime in your military life. "They told me I had to be there with bells on." or "They told me they couldn't help me and treated us unfairly."

Some of the best advice I ever received was from SimplyPutTogether's Maria Murphy. In one newsletter she said that we should practice making excuses. Not for ourselves, but for other people. Perhaps "they have a killer headache" or "they just got their butt handed to them from their boss." We'd like to think that's not our problem and that we deserve better service. And we do. But if we're honest with ourselves, bad days affect our moods and how we deal with our neighbors, our families, and our kids too. We should really understand how hard it is to separate our mood from our behavior. We're only human and so are "they." Try making excuses next time and maybe you can both turn some negative into a positive.

2. Your husband is your Sponsor (ok--your Hero even) but not your Savior
Knowing this has gotten me through some tough spots in our separations. I find myself "just waiting" for him to come home. I forget to stay busy and that I'm my own person with my own hopes and dreams for me as  a person and for me as a wife. But being a waiting wife/husband is only part of the equation. If you keep busy, you'll have something to talk about on the phone. Otherwise, it's the same 'ol vulture bird talking to the other vulture bird, killing time--- "What do you want to talk about?" "I don't know. What do you want to talk about?" "Now don't start that again" routine.

My husband loves it when I tell him the new things I tried. How I went and had a "me" day. Or what I learned about myself. It lets him know I'm ok. If you ask him, he wants to be his own person too. Not sure about your spouse, but mine never claimed to be the knight on a white horse or enough to be my "be-all-end-all." If he's "my everything", then what is left for himself. Something to ponder.

1. You are not alone
One of the most frequent comments Tara and I receive on the road with our Field Exercises is that after the event, spouses feel they are "not alone." They are normal. It's sad they don't feel that before the conferences or forget somewhere along the line. Truth is that there are more than 1,000,000 military spouses. You may not have one living next door, but you can find them online or on post. You'll bond with some and pass by others, but there is someone out there who "gets your life." Our dear friends Kathie and Holly of Help! I'm a Military Spouse--I Get a Life Too!: How to Craft a Life for You As You Move With the Military, Second Edition say at their conferences, If you were meant to do this life alone, you would have been put on this earth alone." Thank goodness we aren't. It's amazing who you can find and how many friends you can find, if you just put yourself out there. Someone as "normal as you" is out there, just for you, to help with this military life.

So, those are the lessons I've learned that I continue to pass on. They bear repeating. You can pass them on too!

By the way, on the Newsweek citizenship sample test, I got a 70%. Not too happy about that. Maybe it's something I can brush up on the next time I am waiting on paperwork or my soldier to return.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

What a month!

I know that as Army wives, we're all insanely busy (especially if there are children). I have been so insanely busy the last month or two that I don't even know where my brain is.

I am an Army wife, a step-mom to 2 teenagers (well, they're 12 & 15 - close enough), an elementary music teacher, a volunteer in my church, the FRG secretary/newlsetter editor, and a professional musician. On top of all this, I took on the project of being an assisstant vocal coach at a local high school for their spring musical (Cinderella). The last couple months have been gruelling and long and exhausting. But, it was all worth it. Last weekend, the students (grades 7-12) performed the spring musical. Was it perfect? No - in musical theater and music in general, it's never perfect. Was it amazing? You betcha! Did it come with freak outs and panic attacks? Most definitely! Two days before opening night, Prince Christopher got strep throat. Would I do this all over again? In a heartbeat. I got to work with some of the most amazing high school students. I truly love and adore all of them. If I could, I would adopt each and every one of them. The hugs and words of appreciation after the show really made it all worth it. I'm sitting here at my desk looking at the cast picture that they bought me (and all signed the back of it) and just reflecting on how hard they worked. There were times I wanted to scream and yell and whatever else, but for the most part they were great to work with - despite teenage attitude. It's the week following the show - and I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life.

During the high school musical craziness, I also had to direct a second grade musical for my elementary school kiddos. The music teacher before me had picked it out and the date was set before I took over. It's not exactly what I would have picked for a number of reasons and ended up being a pretty hard level of music/script. I am UBER proud of these kids. They rose to my expectation level for them and performed a great show.

Also in all of this I sing with a local symphony chorus. We have the May Festival coming up in May. There are 5 concerts, and each concert has a seperate set of repertoire. My music bag gets heavy carrying it around everyday. We have rehearsal once or twice a week for at least 3 hours each. It's all worth it too. I enjoy getting to sing with the others in the chorus. Although my husband will be away on orders during all 5 concerts, I am looking forward to performing.

Most of all, I am SO grateful to have a husband that is SO supportive of my insanity to do all these things and more. He often talks to me about how I over-extend myself (and I also get that talk from my colleagues), but at the same time he understands that I am a first year teacher who is trying to find a permanent position. All of these things look wonderful on my resume. I definitely earn every penny I make. I also truly love what I do. I do love working with the little people everyday. There are 720 kids in my elementary school, and I see each and every one of them. There's a lot of names to learn (and I'm still learning) and there's a lot of stories behind the kids. Some of their stories are heartbreaking - and I wish I didn't care so much. I find myself crying for these kids. Then I think about how fortunate I am. I am married to a soldier who has two kiddos that I love and adore. We lack nothing. I come to school and see some of these kids and my heart just breaks. I have several students whose mom or dad is deployed or away on orders. I had a student whose mom was just recently home on her R & R. I was SO happy for this student to see their mom. I'm also glad that I'm here because I have something I can offer this student and the others who are military kids that the other teachers cannot. I've been through deployment with my husband. I understand meltdowns and emotional outbursts and tears out of nowhere. I understand how much it means when there is someone who truly knows what you're feeling/going through to sit there and just listen. With all the craziness of my life, I never forget how thankful I am for the seasoned spouses in my life who 'held my hand' when I went through my first deployment. I feel like I'm just paying it forward in a sense, but at the same time, I'd do it for any kid or spouse who has a loved on that's deployed.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Qualities

This morning we had a send off coffee for our outgoing FRG Leader. She was a huge blessing and inspiration. In the short time I have been overseas she has completely erased any ill feelings I had about FRGs in general thanks to the last FRG I was a part of. This leader will be sorely missed. Some of her best qualities include her thankfulness and selflessness. No matter how small a task you did, she was right there thanking you a million times, and when she said it, you can tell it was genuine. She always kept a level head and she gave off this confidence that you just wanted to be around. She was a real gem and will definitely be missed.

Do you have a favorite FRG Leader or someone that you look up to in a leadership roll? What kind of qualities does this person have that makes them a favorite of yours? What kind of qualities do you want to see in your FRG Leader or other forms of leadership like Point of Contacts?

Click here to read the rest of this post.

You Served Spouse and Family Radio ~ Special Guests: Army Wife Network

You Served Military Blog and Podcast, brought to you by VAMortgageCenter.com

You Served's Claire talks about the life of a military spouse - the hardships, the joys, and everything in between in her blog. But, she also is the Spouse and Family Highlights podcast host. Recently the guests were AWN's Star and Tara. Come and hear about all of the exciting things going on with Army Wife Network and what wonderful resources await you!

Click here to download the MP3

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWN BOOK CLUB mid read update

So- Have you joined us in the AWN Book Club this Month? We have been reading Chicken Soup for the Military Wifes Soul. I am interesting in where your feelings are at on this one. As I read, I enjoy it because I can jump around to different stories and do not have to read cover to cover. I feel that this so far is a book to me that liking it is more finding the appreciation in it then the like or dislike part. Depending on where you are in your military career, and what all that you have been thru thus far. I feel that while some stories are relatable to me now, reading this in a few more years will make it even more so. It has potential to really open the eyes, and make nervous a brand new spouse, and for those not with any military relation- this would be an eye opener to some of the emotions we run into on a daily basis! What are your thoughts?

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWTR Show 307: The American Red Cross & The Military

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/awtr/2011/03/22/awtr-show-307-red-cross-the-military.mp3

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

AWTR Show 307: Week of Mar 21, 2011

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a conversation with Tammy Moore from the Red Cross. We’ll be talking about the relationship the Red Cross has with the military and celebrating Red Cross Month.

Resource of the Week: Give an Hour

We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.

Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to download the MP3

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Creating New Traditions

For the first couple year's of my marriage, we were close enough to my family that we were still able to participate in family traditions: holiday meals, church on Sundays, birthdays and so on. Since PCSing away (two moves ago) and adding our son to the family, we've had to be a bit more proactive about creating our own family traditions. 

This came up in conversation a few nights ago when we started talking about Easter. My mom had all these funny little things that we did around Easter. My husband could really thought they were silly. And while they are silly things, when I look back those silly little things are an important part of my childhood. They are fun memories that make smile whenever I see the Easter decorations out. 

With any marriage, you have a blending of family traditions and you create new ones. Being an Army spouse adds the extra dimension of being miles away from family. I want to find ways to incorporate our extended family into our holidays even when we aren't able to travel. 

How do you incorporate your extended families into your holiday traditions?

Click here to read the rest of this post.

A Rainbow Does Come After A Storm

I know today is supposed to be a cheery day, but I have been going through a lot lately, especially this last week and into this week. For one, as far as deployment goes, each of us who have children know that it can be a very difficult time in all our lives. My husband knows it and as well as the community.

Yes, I know that through research and frankly, common knowledge, tells us that children go through this hardship just as real as us adults. My beef is the part where discipline and guidance run a very thin line and cause havoc in our lives. Now several months into the deployment, all my boys have been fairly okay during this deployment, but somewhere in-between things got a little rough and this week was just miserable.


One night after church, my 4 year old son basically screamed all the way home, "Go pick up my dad!" and "Go pick up my Dad now!" and he kept on repeating that until we got home and after some discussion the situation calmed down. ---I suppose that night was he's breaking point during this deployment. Another son (our 9 year old), was drawing a picture and it had the following; a house with a fenced-in backyard (included with a swing-set), in the front yard a big tree and two people walking on a sidewalk, the sun and clouds in the air. I asked him who the two people were and he kind of hesitated, but said, "Me and Dad." At first I was thinking, "Well, where is the rest of us (four other members in this family), but I realized he just misses his dad. I miss him (my husband) and yes, to no one's surprise, the children do also...

Several nights after that incident, we had an opportunity to Skype with my husband (their dad)...and he was fairly adamant about telling his dad, "You need to come home, Dad, okay?" "You need to come home now, Dad, Okay?" --Even after we pointed out on a map to our location and my husband's location.

"I am far away son, I have to work here for now." "I'd have to get on a plane with that many miles in-between us son." Being a smart-pants that he is (our son) said, "Well, get on a plane and come home."

Yes, I have done all I can to make the transition easier, the infamous Elmo video, pictures of daddy everywhere, Daddy Dolls, HUGGEE MISS YOU dolls from our FRG, even Little Patriot Bears, but ultimately I find that nothing 'really' can replace their Daddy. It's just a sacrifice for all of us, but one that we gladly endure for the benefit of our country.

So, naturally of all my (four) boys, he has been giving me a run for my patience. I understand that he misses his father....but it doesn't mean that he will run this household. There are guidelines and rules in this family and I have probably (more than likely) slacked on my responsibility as the PARENT. So we are moving into another direction and one that involves being consistent in my parenting skills. We will be changing up some things...but all for the better of our home & family. He is such a wonderful and happy child, but some days --I am so glad the day is over. My motto, "Tomorrow is another day."

I can't help but wonder about my childhood during all of this....truth be told, it wasn't a very good one at least in the respect of not being raised in a traditional mother and father home. I was raised by my older adult grandparents. I am thankful for them taking me in (and my sisters), but it was very hard growing up.

I take most of my experiences as a child and try to relate to my own children and my parenting skills... Here's what I have learned...

There are four basic types of parenting;

1. Authoritarian Parenting - "Because I said so."
2. Authoritative Parenting - "What can we do to make this situation better."
3. Permissive Parenting - "Whatever you want dear."
4. Uninvolved Parenting - "Children? What children?"

For me, there is always that fine line & balance in being someone in-between an Authoritarian parent and Authoritative parent. Because one, I do require obedience (it's in the Bible), but I try everyday to be affectionate to my boys and definitely want the best for them and have mutual respect as a family. I want them growing up as strong men, but also loving-mannered men. Men who will provide, protect, and Love his family as himself. We need some of those, wouldn't you agree?

The other two are just not on my list and I am sure we all can name one or two families that we have observed along this journey to being 'labeled' as.

Sorry to be running off in thought, but it is hard being a parent and even more difficult when the husband is not available to guide them too (especially boys).

I do know that my grandparents did their best in raising us and tomorrow marks the first anniversary without my grandmother. So, I want to say in remembrance to her..."Thank you." Even though my childhood years were not the easiest, they did make me who I am today. I believe that we can make our own destiny (whether God wills it or not).

Anyway, I will be helping my boys make some rainbow colored cupcakes tonight and sharing with them the 'footnote' that yes....even after this storm (deployment), there is a light that comes out and a rainbow shall appear.

Credit: Photobucket.com

Thanks for letting me share this moment with you.

Jessica S.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Real Strength --brings awareness to Brain Injury Awareness Month

When a service member deploys, everyone around them is affected. These warriors and family members share their experiences and challenges of returning home and reintegrating with their loved ones.

More video profiles are available at RealWarriors.net.

Recently at a spouse conference, one of the junior spouses just stated simply and plainly...she would be able to deal a lot better if she had some understanding of what was going on. Were there others experiencing what her family was experiencing.

The answer is YES.

Something we all need to know and hear. This video was helpful for me.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Lucky

Happy St. Patrick's Day Army Wife Network!

For those of you who have been around long enough you know that I absolutely adore this month because I am Irish. My husband and I (and now our girls) share a love of shamrocks & "luck". We feel that we are so very lucky to be a part of each other's lives, this journey, and this world.

I've shared funny sayings, signs, care package ideas, and all sorts of other info in the past but today I want to share with you the lyrics of a cute little song by Jason Mraz. It's called "Lucky". It's fitting for today and for my life. Enjoy!

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWTR Show 306: Women's History Month, featuring author Jill Tietjen

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

AWTR Show 306: Week of Mar 14, 2011

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a conversation with Jill Tietjen author of “Her Story: a timeline of the Women who changed America”

Resource of the Week: Operation Purple
We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.



Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to download the MP3

Click here to read the rest of this post.

The sweet signs of Spring...

To those of you staring outside at snow right now, my apologies, and please note- I believe that we have one or two more snows here in Ohio as well. We excitedly got a good dose of Spring this weekend, which meant lots of neighbors out to meet and people all over the parks. This was the idea time to try out our new bikes. I got one for my bday in January and felt like a kid every time I looked at it sitting so sad and unused in the garage just longing for nicer weather and a friendly rider. (I fully believe that it was proving to me it DID NOT like sitting in the garage all Winter since I am having a hard time sitting down today my rump is so sore. Then again...it could be a sign from my tookus saying to start working on it more, its getting a bit to squishy for its own liking and will make bike rides uncomfy until I do something about it...)

Minus the sore bum, it was amazing to be outside again. My hubby and I rode along an awesome bike bath that was RIGHT next to the rapidly flowing river, and unbeknownst to us, the path had washed out do to flooding about 4 miles in. It was windy, so I enjoyed big gusts that meant I didn't have to pedal. I felt like a kid again, enjoying the simplest little things in life. About 3.5 miles in, we passed two nice men that warned of water ahead, but no big thing, just drive up on the bank and go about 2 miles and it clears up.....easy enough.

In the words of Alf, "HAH". As I watched my husband gracefully bike right up this muddy grass incline, I stared at the flooded path, and back to the incline. I seriously contemplated how deep it was knowing that there was no way I was going to make it up that thing on foot, let alone on a bike. By this time, hubby had already gone quite aways assuming I was following....so....I got off silently cussed out the flooded path and tried to walk my bike up. This is when suddenly,  I was pissed off. I was having such a good time, then he just kept on going forgetting that no, I do not do PT daily and have wicked strong legs that can just truck on up...I was wondering how far he'd gone until he realized I wasn't there. I just started mumbling to God, the ducks, the people passing by, anyone really at that point, "Please Lord, do not let me or my bike end up in the river bassakwards." Then, as if in sheer humor, down I went. So. I sat there. I sat in the mud, half covered by my bike and the other half covered in mud.
About this time, Nate came flying back up the path with the look of complete fear on his face.....I think he thought I was in the river or got eaten up by the path, which, when he found me sitting there on the hill....I wasn't sure when I saw him if I was going to be mad he left me behind or just happy he came back for me, but at that moment I was reminded of how lucky I was to have a great husband and friend that likes to do stupid things with me....and then I laid down in the mud and started laughing. Laughing to the point that I couldn't catch my breath. Only I could pull off ending up a hot mess on a simple days bike ride.

I am so happy that Spring is just around the corner, and good things are to come. I await the site of tulips and kiddos outside playing and after being at Fort Bliss, I am SO excited to have grass in my yard to go barefoot on! Hang in there fellow Army Wives. Good things are just around the bend, in the mean time, find something that will make you feel like a kid again, and make you laugh and smile like there is not a care in the world, even if just for a few minutes. It's worth it.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Dear TIME Magazine Editor(s):

As promised, here is my ammunition (read letter) I marched forth with in our efforts to support the LIFT campaign...all started by Kristen Tsetsi.

My letter to Time's Editor.

Dear TIME Magazine Editor(s):

I’m writing this letter to ask you to consider the Military Family as your 2011 TIME Person of the Year. If you accept nominations from the public/your readers, please consider this an official nomination.

I’m a military veteran and spouse, part of a “legacy family”. My father, grandfathers, brothers, and I all served. Ask me what the toughest job is, in the military. Hands down: loving a military member.

We know it’s love, cause of what they say…

"If you love someone, let them go.”

We let them go every day, in every way.

When you think of that and the impact that has on popular culture, think of it in this way: What would the World be like without the Military Family? Maybe not so wonderful.

More than sixty percent of our military members are married. A lot serve gladly over and over, because of their families: to protect and honor them. The others have mothers, fathers, and legacy families of their own, whom they serve on behalf of to defend their values and protect their communities, our Nation, and the global community.

According to a recent Military Family Lifestyle survey conducted by Blue Star Families, “Sixty-eight percent of survey participants [military families] volunteer.” This compared to a national average of just under twenty-seven percent, the highest since 2005. Helping one another is a Family trait; a skill-set, a survival technique if you will. We help each other as a way to pay it forward of course, but also to act out our gratitude. We know what has been given and what can be taken away.

Finally, as stated in a February 2009 study conducted by Boston University’s Sloan Work and Family Research Network, “43.2% of active duty forces have one or more children.” Without the Military Family—siblings, grandparents, spouses or others—to call upon for care of those children, nearly half of our deployed forces would be rendered useless.

Military families!

They are our Forces’ inspiration.

They are a considerable force for good themselves.

They care for military members allowing them to care for our Nation.

To introduce you to military families further, I took the liberty of compiling a selection of
your Life’s work. Please pay a visit to see the trials and smiles of military families, already
so carefully documented by LIFE Magazine
(http://www.life.com/timeline/24001/like-it-for-time?xid=embedtimeline24001).

Without the Military Family, who would our military members be?
Without the small infants they hold, the families they kiss goodbye, the parents they honor, the spouses who stand by their side, and a Homefront to return to?

Let’s hope that is one question TIME will never have to seriously consider and report the answer. Arguably that is an impact the World could not bear.

Sincerely,Starlett Henderson

Be looking for more fun, meaningful activities to bring awareness to our campaign, Make Military Families the Time's next Person of the Year.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWTR Show 305: You Know When The Men Are Gone

Presents Army Wife Talk Radio

AWTR Show 305: Week of Mar 7, 2011

Join the AWN team this week on Army Wife Talk Radio for a conversation with Siobhan Fallon author of “You Know When The Men Are Gone”

Resource of the Week: Buy Veteran Movement

We’ll see you in LIVE CHAT starting at 8pm Eastern.



Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog
Click here to download the MP3

Click here to read the rest of this post.

AWN March Newsletter

You can sign up on the sidebar for blog updates, show announcements and newsletters right to your inbox. Or for February's newsletter, just click HERE!

Our downloadable newsletters are in a printable format in order that you may distribute--easily--to your spouse clubs, family groups, your chain of command and concern, and others within your Army Wife Network. They are two-sided, single sheets, which offer the best resources, URLs, and articles we gather each month.

They are created and copyrighted by Army Wife Network, but they are YOURS to personalize and circulate.

There are small editable regions for you to update your local network on calendar events and contact data. You can brand it with your name as subtext to the Army Wife Network name.

Send the issues home with the service member, post them on unit bulletin boards, email them to your distro list, or post them to your Web site. Tell us the ways you've found best to get the word out. We can share that as a "hot tip" in our next newsletter.

Welcome to March Army Wives!

When I think of March I always think "green". Green, one of my favorite colors, is the color of shamrocks. Shamrocks are part of Saint Patrick's Day and Saint Patrick's Day is in March. Therefore, it's a month of green. Makes sense right? I also think of March as a very LUCKY month - bet you can guess why? Ok, ok, I'm being silly - yes - Saint Patrick's Day, shamrocks, green, luck. But, it's also the third month of the year which means that it's my lucky number 3! I guess the point I'm getting to is that March is (tied with December because of Christmas) my very favorite month.

Forget about how I feel about March though - let me give you something to love about this month. Maybe you're looking to make it through a deployment or bust the blues? Or are you seeking interesting and curious conversation topics to have with your spouse while you have some time together? Maybe you want creative moments to celebrate with your kids? No matter where you are in your journey this month I'm going to give you some hints to help make it a great 31 days!

March 1 - National Pig Day & Peanut Butter Lover's Day

March 2 - Dr. Seuss's Birthday

March 3 - Peach Blossom Day, National Anthem Day, and I Want You To Be Happy Day!

March 4 - National Pound cake Day

March 5 - Multiple Personality Day

March 6 - Frozen Foods Day

March 7 - National Crown Roast of Pork Day

March 8 - Mardi Gras and Working Women's Day

March 9 - No Smoking Day, Barbie(TM)'s Birthday and Ash Wednesday

March 10 - Paper Money Day (first paper money in 1862)

March 11 - Basketball Day (first game in 1892)

March 12 - Alfred Hitchcock Day

March 13 - Jewel Day and Daylight Savings Time

March 14 - National Potato Chip Day

March 15 - Ides of March

March 16 - Everything You Do Is Right Day and Freedom of Information Day

March 17- St. Patrick's Day and Submarine Day

March 18 - Johnny Appleseed Day

March 19 - Poultry Day and National Quilting Day

March 20 - First day of Spring

March 21 - Fragrance Day and Children's Poetry Day

March 22 - Goof-Off Day

March 23 - National Organize Your Home Office Day

March 24 - Chocolate Covered Raisins Day

March 25 - Pecan Day and Waffle Day

March 26 - Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

March 27 - National Joe Day

March 28 - Something On A Stick Day

March 29 - Coca-Cola® Day (invented in 1886)

March 30 - Doctor's Day

March 31 - Clams On The Half Shell Day and Tater Day

WOW who knew we had so much to celebrate? That's just what we're going to do on Army Wife Network.

We have a wonderful line up of guests and information ready for you on our radio show this month. Join us at 8pm EST every Monday night! We will continue to bring you expert advice columns, care package ideas, newbie resources, Field Problems(TM) answers, and up to date military related information through all of our outlets. So be sure to stop by the main page, the blog, as well as the Facebook page this week and check it out!

Your Lipstick 6,
Tara Crooks

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Decisions, Decisions

I know the first thing almost every military spouse, fiancée, or girlfriend will tell you about the army is nothing is set in stone. This is the hardest for me because I have been a planner since the time I could talk. However, when I plan, it takes me quite awhile to make a decision by weighing pros and con, but once I have my mind set on something I am all about accomplishing the mission.

Every since I met my Soldier, he has had two dreams that he wanted fulfilled by the Army. We would constantly plan our lives around these dreams and even so much that my future clinicals were around these events. He was set and ready to turn in a packet for dream A when his branch manager informed him that because of his timeline if he took the job for dream A he could not have dream B job for it would affect promotion scheduling. The worst part is he found out the night before his eye surgery. Here I am worrying the whole day about his surgery the next day when I got the dreaded words, “babe we need to talk”. He informed about how we need to make a decision about our future. He explained that he had to pick one of his dreams and wanted my opinion. Dream A included training all the time and deployments for the next few years while dream B was a safe rewarding enriching job that 5 years down the road. Because he was having eye surgery and would be staying with his parents, I would not hear from him until he could start seeing again. Thus, he gave me time to think about what I wanted.

Over the next few days, I kept debating about what I wanted. I know most of you ladies would say pick the safe one, but I kept thinking about all the times he would mention how excited he was to have dream A. I honestly got no sleep the next few days as I thought about my options. As I lay there thinking, I thought my Soldier never once let me give up my dream of becoming a physical therapist so how could I ask him to pick between his dreams? I did not want him regretting any decisions or think I only picked this dream because of me.

After three long and tenuous days of updates from his mom, he finally called me. For the first time in my life when his name showed up on my phone, I was shaking with nervousness. We beat around the bush about our deep conversation the few nights before when I finally blurted out I can’t decide for you. I will adjust my future clinicals around any dream you pick and I follow you anywhere until it is our time to retire from the Army, but I can’t tell you what I want. I want you to be happy, enjoy your career, and come home every night smiling because we are finally on the same coast in our home. I told him to think about it and I know it will affect both of our lives but no matter what I support you 100%.

Needless to say after hours of thinking and weighing his pros and cons, my Soldier decided to go after dream B. I started crying because dream A was never going to happen for him now, and instead he is taking a risk that down the road dream B will still be available. I love him for his decisions because he told my I want our family and one day when we decide to have kids I want to be with them as long as I can until it is my turn to defend America.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

It's TIME to March Forth! "Like it for TIME"

Have you heard about Kristen Tsetsi's "LIKE it for Time" (LIFT)? You can get all the details here.

Today is the day to let Time know how much America values the Military Family by asking the magazine to name the Military Family it's  2011 Time Person of the Year.

LIFT has penned a letter (and I've pasted it below). Tsetsi's goal is to "overwhelm TIME Magazine with letters from across the country. The letters will introduce the editors to the idea, and with luck, they’ll get so many of them it will attract media attention".
Media attention is key to the effort. If the military family community and its supporters make enough of an impact to be addressed by the media, people will have to take an interest.
And it’s this interest that will strengthen the combined efforts of Mrs. Obama and Dr. Jill Biden to garner support and recognition for military families.

Please take a moment today. Print the letter below, sign it, and send it Time. Oh, and as a bonus you could win a Kindle or gorgeous necklace for participating.

Mailing Address: TIME Magazine Letters / Time & Life Building /
Rockefeller Center / New York, NY 10020

Letter:
Dear TIME Magazine Editor(s),
I’m writing this letter to ask you to consider the military family as your 2011 TIME Person of the Year. If you accept nominations from the public/your readers, please consider this an official nomination.

Military families will be the first to say they don’t want to be honored or praised, but I understand Person of the Year isn’t an honor; it’s a “recognition of somebody’s effect on the world,” as Richard Stengel has said.

I also understand Person of the Year is, as another TIME editor has said, “given to the person, group, or thing that has most influenced the culture or the news during the past year.”

Evidence of the military family’s impact on recent news and popular culture can be found in the efforts of Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden to raise awareness of the military family, in Oprah Winfrey’s multiple shows honoring the military family, in the upcoming fifth season of Lifetime network’s “Army Wives,” and in the E! Entertainment channel special, “E!Investigates: Military Wives.” Any time the wars in the Middle East are in the news, so is the American military family.

Regarding the military family’s effect on the world, Rudy Giuliani was chosen for Person of the Year following the September 11 attacks because he “embodied what was really most important, what we learned about ourselves, which was that we could recover,” explained a TIME editor.

The military family embodies what is most important after a decade of war and multiple deployments: a resilient and unifying force even as the families grow weary of being separated – sometimes permanently – year after year, those years apart filled with agonizing anxiety and uncertainty about the future of their families. That resiliency speaks volumes about who we are.

When the American Soldier was chosen for 2003 Person of the Year, it wasn’t for making the news. It was, according to TIME, “[f]or uncommon skills and service, for the choices each one of them has made and the ones still ahead, for the challenge of defending not only our freedoms but those barely stirring half a world away.”

According to a February 2009 study conducted by Boston University’s Sloan Work and Family Research Network, “43.2% of active duty forces have one or more children.” Without a military family care plan—siblings, grandparents, spouses, or others to care for those children—nearly half of our deployed forces would be rendered useless.

The challenges the families of service members experience don’t include the direct threat of mortar rounds and IEDs, but they do include the 24-hour awareness that mortar rounds or IEDs could kill the person they love – their parent, their child, their best friend – any minute of any day, as well as the unique task of trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for children who have a revolving parent and a home environment that is in a perpetual state of flux.

I hope you’ll give this nomination the serious consideration it warrants.

Sincerely,

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Shared Experiences

**Note: This is a very personal experience I decided to share because I thought it might help someone. I have changed the names to make it generic but you'll get the point of the conversation.

Have you ever have one of those moments where you wished you had an answer but you just didn't? One of those times you didn't know what to say to help someone feel better but you just hoped in saying that you "didn't know what to say" or "didn't have an answer" would help them anyway? Where you hoped that sharing your feelings, thoughts, experiences or maybe just your pure vulnerability would help them to feel "normal" too?

I honestly believe in life we spend most of our time wanting to "seem normal" or to "identify" with someone else and have our feelings and thoughts validated. Most all of the problems or issues we have on this roller coaster of life can be solved by having someone just lend and ear and/or share an experience.

This week, in my personal life, was one of those times. And it was one of those times I wouldn't wish on anyone. One of those times I wish we weren't military so that I could be closer to home and be there for someone who needed me. It was my best friend going through the loss of her pet.

Her email to me made me literally stop in my tracks. I opened up the email with the subject line "Izzy" and I knew it wasn't going to be good.

Hey,

I just wanted you to know that I believe we are getting ready to feel the same loss you guys did with Lou. Izzy has gone downhill this last month and can hardly walk, eat, etc… We are taking her to the vet today to talk it over and make sure we are seeing what they see and then will bring her home for the kids to say goodbye.  We are really really struggling. I’ve been crying all week, and I have no clue how Gunner (their other dog) and the kids will take this. We are going to ask how the procedure all works because we've never done this before. We don’t want her to be scared—we are going to miss her so much.

I felt that lump in the back of my throat and the tears started to pour out. Yes, I was extremely sad about my best friend losing her "Izzy" but it just brought the most painful memories of the past June when our family lost our "Lou". It was very overwhelming. To this day I cannot explain, to anyone really, the love I have for Lou. I have had (and do have) other dogs that I love very much. But nothing, nothing like my Lou. What was I going to say to my best friend when I couldn't even gather myself together to form a sentence about something that happened six months ago without crying? I hit "reply". I figured, I'd come up with something. I mean, I HAD to say SOMETHING. But what?

Oh how my heart aches for you….all of you. I don’t know what to tell you because there is nothing that I can say to you in words that will matter. Really. There is no true emotional pain relief in “I’m sorry for your loss”. There isn’t an explanation I can offer that will keep you from turning around and thinking she’s there and she’s not. There is nothing that will erase the memory of you standing with her when you put her down and saying goodbye. There is nothing I can say or do to help explain to you what it’s like to walk away from the vet after and get into the car without her. Nothing I can offer that’s going to help you with the day you’re cleaning out your kids closet and see a box with a little lock of her hair and her collar and love notes to the dog. Nothing.

It’s painful and it’s painful even thinking about it now – over 6 months later. Losing a dog is not like losing a person. It’s different. Not harder, not easier. Just different. Dogs can’t say “Mom, I hurt and I forgive you. I understand” like people can. Dogs can tell you “Let me go, I’m ready, I’ll see you on the other side.” And for that, it is harder. It takes an extra strong person to care enough about their dog to know when it’s time. An extra strong person to love and know that animal more than you even know yourself some days – because they know you that well. And it’s hard, to lose your friend. You’re “I love you no matter what” friend. To be the one to let that unbelievably loyal companion that looks to you for everything, go.

It takes an amazingly loving and unselfish person to be the one that has to do it. And that, is what I can say.

You’re doing the right thing.

Only you know what is best.

She trusts you.

She loves you.

She is in pain, and she needs you.

Only you can help her.

I am so sorry. I am in tears just writing this. EVERY DAY I think about my Lou. I think about Bob (our other dog) and how he is doing without her. I worry about the girls and if they miss her. I wonder if my husband deals with things the way I am dealing with them or if he just blocks it out and moves on.

I worry that I can’t love Ellie (our new dog) the same because some of what I see in her is what I miss the most about Lou. I have a picture of Lou on my Ipad and I look at her and speak to her every stinkin’ day like some sort of freak. The tears come from pain of missing her and the pain of knowing she’s not there. But I have trained my brain to move on and I’ve trained my brain to remember the things I love about her the most.

Sure, there are some things I can share that helped me…and might help the kids as well b/c it did mine.

- Keep her collar and her tags

- Decide how you are going to bury her - we had Lou cremated

- We bought a rock from Pet Memorial that had her name engraved on it. We buried her at Mom & Dad's because with the military we have no permanent "home". We put the rock over where we buried her ashes. Then, months later came home and Dad had installed a light on it. I cried like crazy. I visit her and talk to her about things when I go home – I think his parents think I’m nuts.

- The girls wrote letters and drew pictures – it helped them cope.

- Give Gunner time to be sad and let it be OK if he doesn’t want to eat or still searches for her –it’s sad b/c you can’t explain it to him but just be patient. I had a hard time doing this b/c I was so sad watching Bob be so sad.

- Bring back and/or keep something that Izzy slept on or was hers and let Gunner have it. He deserves a memory of his best friend.

- I kept pictures – and still do – and even wrote a blog post about how I was feeling – it helped me. Maybe you and your hubby can exchange letters of memories. It’s good to talk about it too – with the kids and each other.

- CRY (and don’t be afraid to do it) I swear for a month I’d cry and the girls would say “you miss Lou Lou?”

- I don’t know how this will relate to your house but Lou’s favorite place was our coffee table so we had a little plague engraved “in memory of” and put it on the table. It’s still “Lou Lou’s” table.

And lastly, before I go – when you go in to the vet if you think you can’t stay for the actual procedure - ask them if they can anesthetize her first – and she slowly will go to sleep. You can say your goodbyes and she’ll drift away. I stayed for this. Then I left the room. Hubby couldn’t leave – I couldn’t stay. I left him with her. He actually stayed for the whole thing and then they carried her out to the car where the lady was to take her to the cremation place. It was the SINGLE HARDEST DAY I have ever had with my hubby. Even over deployment. I’ve NEVER seen him break down like that in my entire life.

I’m here if you need me. Even if you just want someone to cry with you or hear your memories…..

Be strong. I love you.

I know I already told you this, but I truly had no idea what I was going to say when I hit "reply" and then somehow I was given the courage and as my mind went crazy with response my eyes poured with tears. I just kept writing and writing. I got done and it was a grammatical disaster - you could see my thoughts just pouring into the email as I feverishly typed. (Yes, I edited for you so you'd be able to read it. Trust me, tt was a disaster of a tear stained email!)

It was a very liberating experience. I know that sounds completely odd. I was so sad for her. I was still so sad for me. But for once I felt like the situation I had gone through had somehow given me the strength and knowledge to help someone else feel "normal" that they felt so overwhelmed, lost, and down right crazy for being so sick about the loss of their pet.

There aren't that many moments in my life that I feel this way. Normally I have some sort of resource to point someone to or some factual statement that magically fixes all of their problems or at least makes sense of their issue.

This time, I didn't have an answer. All I had was my real life experience. It really made me think of other times in this journey of life (or even our Army journey) where maybe we just don't have the answers.

For example, I don't know how to make it ok that your child is missing their daddy and is crying themselves to sleep every night. But I do know how you feel. I know that dispair and that constant search for some sort of comfort that you just HAVE to find to give your child because they're hurting.

I don't know how to explain to you how you're going to be able to give birth to your child as your husband listens via speakerphone from Iraq. I cannot explain to you the emotional minefield that will be your life leading up to and even directly after this momentus experience. But I do know how you feel. I know that pain as I've lived through it. I can offer you my experience and I can offer you the knowledge that you can do it because I'm here and I did it. I remember that very large emotional mountain like it was yesterday. And when I thought I couldn't do it and I said "How can I help others if I can't hold it together myself?" a good friend of mine said "You'll do it because you don't have any other choice. What you're learning today will help someone in the future." Little did I know how very right she was...

So this week the Universe taught me yet another example of how those rough times you go through aren't all in vain and that there really can be a silver lining in every trouble or turmoil this crazy life throws our way.

Right now, somewhere out there, two very loved dogs, free from pain, are gobbling treats and playing fetch "talking" about the wonderful lives they led here on Earth and the amazing families that they companioned. And two old friends made it through another one of life's emotional hurdles...together...because they shared an experience.

Click here to read the rest of this post.

Dear Spring, Please hurry up already!

It's hard to believe it is March! Are you ready for spring? I can't wait for the longer days, blooming flowers and weather that cooperates with enjoying the outdoors. We live in New England and just since January we have received over 50 inches of snow! I have to say it is easy to get cabin fever here.

I'm so excited for spring I'm already preparing and shopping for it's arrival. I've never been to great at gardening. However, I can make things grow in a pot much better than in the ground. I recently ordered a few (okay maybe several) spring plants online that should be here soon. I can't wait!!

Are you ready for Spring? What are some things you are looking forward to doing in the warmer weather? I am also ready to switch out winter clothes like sweaters, sweatshirts, big coats, scarfs and boots for lighter fabrics with cooler colors and shorter sleeves!!

Click here to read the rest of this post.

March forth (on March 4th) and write TIME (C) about Military Families

What exciting fun it was to walk down the halls of Life's memory lane to create this timeline and honor the men and women (servicemembers and spouses and families) of our military. AWN is proud to support this very interesting and inspired project, 'Like' it [military families] for TIME!

“‘Like’ it for TIME” (LIFT) has announced March 4, 2011 as “Mail-your-letter-to-TIME-day” in an appeal to the magazine’s editors to consider the military family as its 2011 Person of the Year. Several “fans” of the facebook page have committed to spreading the word on their personal blog sites, and teachers are planning to have their classes write letters to the magazine.

“I chose March 4th after remembering the riddle that goes something like, ‘What day is also a command? March forth!’ It seemed appropriate,” LIFT founder and military spouse Kristen Tsetsi says.

Tsetsi, who lives in Connecticut where her husband, former active duty Army, is currently a member of the National Guard, will write a letter herself and post it along with the mailing address to TIME Magazine at the LIFT website—http://likeitfortime.wordpress.com/—on February 28, making the process “as painless as possible for participants; all they have to do is print, sign, and mail the letter,” she says.

The goal, Tsetsi says, is to overwhelm TIME Magazine with letters from across the country. “I don’t have any illusions that the letters will influence their ultimate decision,” Tsetsi says. “But I do think the letters will introduce them to the idea, and with luck, they’ll get so many letters it will attract media attention.”

Media attention is key to the effort, Tsetsi explains. “It’s key to everything these days. What do people pay much attention to that isn’t covered by the media? If the military family community and its supporters make enough of an impact to be addressed by the media, people will have to take an interest.”

And it’s this interest that will strengthen the combined efforts of Mrs. Obama and Dr. Jill Biden to garner support and recognition for military families, Tsetsi says.

That it’s no easy task to get thousands of people to mail letters is not lost on Tsetsi. “It’s a leap of faith,” she says. “A number of people have already expressed their letter-mailing intent, but I’m just going to have to believe hundreds and hundreds more will do this tiny, easy thing for something so important.”

She considered creating an email campaign, she says, but decided emails were too easy to ignore and delete. “A deluge of actual letters people took the time to fold, tuck inside an envelope, stamp, and put in the mail is a bit harder to disregard,” she says. “It also speaks to a greater level of commitment on the part of the supporters.”

Website: http://likeitfortime.wordpress.com

Facebook: Search “Make the Military Family TIME’s Next Person of the Year”

**Note from AWN~ it would be great to see some of your letters, if you don't just print and sign Kristen's, in the comments to this blog post.

Click here to read the rest of this post.