Engineer Red

Deployment. Some say this is the most difficult time in one's lifetime and I would definitely agree. These months have been life-changing and some trials that make it more difficult, but I would say it's all for good in the end. Situations like these make you care for the important things in life and appreciate what you have--that's called being content.

Although one could compare this type of 'leave of absence' to certain other life experiences, none compare to this level of commitment, duty, and honor--than a Soldier defending for His(Her)country.

As I go through this deployment, I have found that the most difficult to withstand during this time is the physical absence of my husband. Yes, I am truly grateful that I am able to communicate with him via mail, phone, or Internet, but nothing (and I mean NOTHING) beats a great big hug after a long, stressful day.


Right now I am attending a bible study specifically geared towards military spouses and deployments. I have come to really appreciate this time with other military spouses in different phases of a military career. Some brand new, some seasoned, some being the first (deployment), and others with a few under her belt. I am really thankful for this group of ladies. We have come to share stories, laughter, and sometimes tears...

I'd like to share a story, since it's my story, I am allowed to. The one thing I have trouble with since he left, is trying to get enough sleep. I shared this with them and since there was suggestions within the study guide--one being--get a body pillow. Okay...I am going to go get it. The Exchange of course had some (but didn't have any body pillow covers--figures), I got in line and I actually saw two other ladies with a body pillow in the check out aisles. I felt like we were all in the same boat. You know the "My husband is not here, so I am buying a imitation husband" type of thought or maybe it was just me...

It sounds reasonable and rational, the pillow should work--right? Wrong. I suppose to a normal person it would be, but with hardly any sleep and four kids to manage my weary mind thought of something else-at first response. Okay I am going try it. I get the pillow out of the plastic cover...and tried to get comfortable enough to go to sleep.

"This better freaking work." I need to get some serious sleep people. Really. I wrapped my leg and arm around it and laid there for a minute or two... To my complete irrational mind (at the moment)--I felt I had betrayed my husband by 'sleeping with another.' "Seriously, this can't be happening." --is what I was thinking. This is going to be a very LONG deployment.

At the next group meeting, I felt I had to share my reaction to the 'body pillow.' I told them that I felt I was having an 'affair' with the pillow!!! Instead of getting sympathy, everyone got a good laugh about it. Just kidding. It was meant to be laughed at!! I cried a bit (either from embarrassment, stupidity, and/or I just needed to cry). I did feel better afterwards however.

I mean seriously, even though I wasn't a virtuous woman (like I should have been) when I married my husband at age 19, it's been almost 14 years with this one man. Not having my husband around to cuddle with is a very big adjustment no matter how many times you go without the love of your life.

One of the ladies suggested I put one of my husband's t-shirts on it, or cologne, or his picture on it. So, the next week I had to take my son to his ortho. appointment at another nearby installation and I went to their Exchange (PX), lo and behold, they had body pillow COVERS! I found the perfect one. Engineer Red. Since my husband is an Engineer, I found the color quite fitting for my "substitute husband."

Now that I have my rational mind intact now, a new Engineer Red cover for my body pillow--I can now say that we are friends. Platonic friends--if you get my drift. So, has the pillow helped at all?? Umm...still hard to decide on that one. I am still struggling with going to bed at a decent hour, but at least I know that it's only a temporary friendship until the Husband comes back.

Though, I really get a kick out of saying to it from time to time, "Not tonight Honey, I have a headache." (ACTUALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD) Oh, the things we must do in order to stay positive during a deployment...

A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. -Proverbs 17:22

Jessica S.