Is This Really Happening?

We are down to single digit days before my husband deploys. I have cried some, but not as much as I cried the times he left before. For some bizarre reason, I haven't processed that this is really happening. It still seems like training, not reality. It almost feels like an exercise, field time. Last night I went to a predeployment brief, and when they flashed up the map of Iraq I started to boo hoo. In that moment things became a little more real. Watching my husband pack wasn't a big event, I even helped him carry his tough box to the car, which is probably why I didn't cry then, I was too busy trying not to herniate myself!

I have such a mix of emotions. Some of the ladies that I know are so nonchalant about the deployment, you know, it's all part of the job. Sometimes I wonder if I am a wimp or just weak that I am scared and upset. I have been through deployment before, but each deployment is different, the kids are different ages, we are in different places, it is all unsettling, because I don't know how it is going to go. Some days I am tough and I think that we will be just fine, maybe I will go back to school, learn a new language, do something useful. Then other days I worry about getting sick and having to take care of the kids by myself.

I know I have to be strong, be Mom and Dad. I also know that I will have to lean on some of my Army sisters, we just moved to this post, so making friends is a little slow, but I know I need some battle buddies. I just can't believe this is happening, am I really getting ready to do this? And here's hoping that nothing major breaks in the first month!! You know the scene in Happy Gilmore where Happy goes to the batting cages to take baseballs to his chest to toughen up, I feel like I need to do that, well, maybe mentally. Here goes...