It is official, I now have food in the refrigerator that will expire after my husband has left for Iraq. I am trying to stay positive, trying to have a HOOAH we can do this attitude. Last night I held my six year old on my lap while he sobbed, so afraid that his Daddy won't come home. I know I have to keep it together because my boys are watching me and gauging how upset to be by how upset I am. I feel like I am on a run away train. I can't stop it, I just have to hang on tight for the ride.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to beg him not to leave.
Instead I ordered our Daddy Dolls, our Flat Daddy, and all the deployment books I could get my hands on. I am pulling myself up by my boot straps and wishing someone made body armor for my heart.
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8 comments:
I'm so sorry Sarah. My heart hurts for you. You're one tough cookie.
Sarah, I am right there with you. My husband is leaving in november. I have to go back to cali to be with my mom. We just found out she has cancer. You put all that I am feeling into words. Thank you for sharing. I feel like my heart is torn. I want to be with my husband for the little time we have and I have to and want to be with my mom as she is fighting for her life. I will be praying for you sarah. God bless you and your family. Jennifer
Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, tell her that we are praying for her. I can only imagine how hard all of this is for you on top of deployment.
Praying for you too!
i have never commented before, and i admit, i have been kind of a blog stalker since i found this site a few months ago. i am a marine corps wife, and i have noticed alot of army wives here.
i just felt the urge to comment on this blog..
sarah, i 100% know how you feel. my husband is in iraq at the moment. he has been there for 2 weeks. this is our first deployment, and while our son is only a year old, he understands that daddy left. it's very difficult because he too is feeling the stress and frustration and emotions from me and it's affecting his moods, sleep patterns and appetite. it's hard because although he understands daddy's gone, he doesn't understand why, and i can't explain it to him. he hugs his daddy bear and kisses daddy's picture every night, but he doesn't know where he is or why he isn't here. my son turned 1 year old the day before my husband shipped out, and unfortunately, he had been on the other side of the country for 2 months before that, so we have only gotten to spend a couple days of leave with him since may. it's been very difficult for me too. sometimes i see something that just makes me lose it. but remember, we're all in this together. i know i'm a corps wife, but it doesn't matter what branch you're dedicated to, every deployment hurts. we're family. we may not know each other and we may not ever even meet, but we're all in this together. if you need anything, you can feel free to stop by my blog and comment.
hang in there honey. remember, God won't give us anything we can't handle. and every day he's gone means you're one day closer to that sweet, sweet homecoming day.
ok, now that i've made myself cry i'm going to stop.
hang in there hunny and remember that we are here for you if you need anything at all.
(((((((((((((((hugs!!))))))))))))))
The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 09/01/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.
Ouch.
I can only imagine... I have nothing to offer you other than "I know you can do this. Lean on your fellow milspouses." It sounds silly and simplistic, but they've been there/done that, and most Americans haven't. If you haven't already, I would join SpouseBuzz. They are awesome.
My heart just breaks thinking about you holding your son last night though. Mine are 9 and 12, and I'm sure I'd be doing the same thing with them.
*sigh*
Dear Sarah: having been through the same situation, my heart's with you or as Tara said my heart hurts for you. Your husband, children and YOU will be in my prayers. Trust that all will be well.
We pray for all of our military families that they will be safe and live together in happiness.
Secretia
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