What seems impressive from the outside....

So, my basic course is looming closer and closer, and I do mean looming. All those things that seemed, well, impressive and dare I say manly? in my husband are seeming intimidating now. That he can deal with hardship is impressive - that doesn't mean I'm all that keen to do so! I don't even really like camping - what am I doing joining the Army? LOL. I am fairly uncoordinated and don't have good spatial skills - what am I thinking to undergo training where I have navigate through the wilderness while tired and in a totally unfamiliar environment? I don't like getting up early or running - why am I doing this again? It's sheer craziness. In fact, I realized recently that it feels much like junior high PE. My 7th grade teacher, Mr. Nielsen, seemed never to have gotten over his time in the military - so every morning at 7:30 I was being yelled at, doing calisthenics, running in the rain, and generally doing things at which I was mostly a total failure or were just plain not fun for me. I'm a little worried my training is going to be very similar.... and junior high was NOT a good time period for me!

I have a few different methods for dealing with the anxiety. Method #1 is avoidance. I just don't think any further than showing up and taking the oath. But that only works some of the time. Method #2 involves talking it out - which mostly, I think, frustrates my husband because nothing he says makes my anxiety any better. Then I feel like I'm annoying him, and so part 2 of method 2 sometimes involves getting more upset and fearful than I should. Method #3 is my husband's favorite - education. He's busily teaching me things like mapreading and land nav, and his favorite so far, ruckmarching. He got great amounts of pleasure in me putting on combat boots and loading up a rucksack and walking hills with him. He, of course, was wearing sneakers and a camelback! We must have looked like quite a pair - perhaps the neighbors thought he felt I really needed to lose weight. Or maybe I was being punished. I don't know what they thought - but we got a few strange looks!



I know that most people make it through, and they do try to set you up for success, and that I've accomplished most things I've set my mind to. Most of the time I'm okay (though that may be method #1). Sometimes the anxiety of making such a drastic choice does well up, though. Thankfully I have good friends. I'm amazed at how supportive my friends are - even the friends I've only known the last six months. I feel like my short stay at this station was such a success - I'd never have guessed I'd have so many people who wanted to come to my going-away party when I've only been here a short time. It helps heal some of those wounds from my nerdy, picked-on days of junior high. Maybe my military training will heal the rest! Joining the military as therapy - who'd have thought?

P.S. I'm open to suggestions for adapting and succeeding, if anyone has any!