Tonight I'm Feeling Grateful

Tonight I watched Disney's Pocahontas with my boys. Now first you need to appreciate the significance of me getting to watch this animated chick flick with 6 boys who have resisted my appeals for the past 3 weekends. I was so proud when I picked it up for a couple of dollars at our library's annual book sale. (See there are still benefits to be reaped from refusing to get rid of my VCR.) I actually had to pull rank and say you are going to watch this with me..... :-)

So we settle in to watch. I don't know if you guys are like me, but I see things differently when my husband is gone. I notice things I may not have noticed before. In this movie there were two scenes that caught my attention. One took place in England as the explorers were embarking on their journey. The men kissed their wives and hugged their children. The women tried not to cry. The other scene took place in ancient America. The warriors from Pocahontas' tribe were returning from a battle. The entire tribe stopped what they were doing to welcome home their heroes. The men sought out their families. Their wives and children ran to them and embraced them. Ben, my 8-year-old, said "That looks like us at the airport when Dad came home." I was thinking the same thing.

Then I got to thinking about what life would have been like for the wives of long ago. Now before I go any further....I know I often am one to say that it really doesn't help me to know that back in previous wars wives only got a letter every few months (if they were lucky). Knowing that doesn't stop the ache in me when I am missing my husband. So I don't know what is going on tonight...maybe I am caught up in the romance of the Colors of the Wind, but I am appreciating how hard it would be to send your beloved off knowing he could be gone for several years. At the same time, also knowing you may not ever get a letter....and you may not even be notified if something happens to him. He just will never come home..........

So tonight I am really grateful that I have regular computer and telephone contact with my husband. I am blessed that I can send him packages that help me still feel like I am taking care of him and expressing my love to him. (Hmmmmm.....could that be a love language?)
And by the way, my boys loved the movie!!! Now you may have noticed that I mentioned 6 boys. Apparently, somewhere along the way last year I picked up another son. He eats here....he hangs out here, he goes places with us....and often sleeps here. I have yet to receive any child support, but perhaps his role as my son's best friend offsets that. :-)

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Thanks Kerry! Pumpkin Spice Latte Rocks!

Oh my gosh! YUM! I had to try this drink that sparked it's own entry in this great blog! I had the great opportunity to go on a date with my husband last night! (Thanks GWOT! Free childcare!) We saw a movie, ate Chinese for dinner and then headed to Starbucks to use the gift card my almost-an-Army-Wife sister mailed to me! I couldn't resist trying it! The barista told me that if I didn't like it, she'd make me whatever I wanted. But I did like it!! And now I sit here, after soccer games, lunch, and the boys' naps, craving that drink (minus the foam, add extra whip). I thought I should let Kerry know that she has made an impression!!

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Fall Soccer Is SUPER Fun!

(That's my Ethan by the goal in the white shirt and black shorts. He had just scored!)

My son Ethan started soccer for the first time a few weeks ago. They've been practicing 3 times a week, and today was the last practice before the first game. They're playing on Tuesday night. So today, the coach called on the parents to be the "opposing team". The coach and the parents played against the kids. It was so cute! I didn't get to play because we had taken Baylee with us, and she's too little to get out there (she have gotten clobbered!). So I sat in the bleachers with her and with the son of another "soccer mom" who was also too small to get out there. He played with Bay and they shared juice and Cheetos! :) So I watched the parents play, and the kids play. I was really impressed with how well they played as a team! I've been to most of the practices, but my husband has been taking Ethan to some of them (he's trying to spend time with him before he deploys, and he played on the Parents team today). But when I've been there, I noticed the kids not really paying attention to the plays themselves and more to each other, so I wondered how they'd do as a team. So today I was really proud of them all! My son, Ethan, told me on the way home that at first the parents kept scoring goals on them, so after about 3, he said that kids got mad! That's when they put themselves into it for real! Ethan scored a goal, and he was awesome (if I do say so myself). I was so proud! The kids beat the parents 9-8. It was so much fun to watch. And it looks like we have a little cheerleader in our family. There was a kids football game going on behind us and she was mesmerized by the cheerleaders. She sat and watched them and copied them. So when we got home, she wanted to wear her Barbie cheerleader dress-up dress and she started doing her own version of the cheers. I think I'll let her wear it to the game on Tuesday, so she can cheer for her Bubi. Viva la soccer!

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I know now why they called him "Goose"!

You remember "Goose" from Top Gun? He was such a good guy. I never got why they called him "Goose." Now today, I came across a article called "The Wisdom of Flying Geese" (author unknown). And I think, yeah, that sounds like him. In fact it sounds like us too.

So, here is that article--my metaphor for military spouses and family members.

"The Wisdom of Flying Geese"

In the spring, when you see geese heading north for the summer or fall, when you see geese heading south, flying along in "V" formation, you might be interested in knowing what scientists have discovered about why they fly that way. It has been learned that as each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in "V" formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

Basic Truth #1: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front.

Basic Truth #2: If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are heading in the same direction as we are.

When the lead goose gets tired, he rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point.

Basic Truth #3: It pays to take turns doing hard jobs, with people or with flying geese.

These geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

Basic Truth #4: We need to be careful what we say when we honk from behind.

Finally, when a goose gets sick or is wounded and falls out, two geese fall out of formation and follow him down to help and protect him. They stay with him until he is either able to fly or until he is no longer, and then they launch out on their own or with another formation until they catch up with their group.

Final Truth: If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other, protect one another and sometimes make new friends who seem to be going in our direction.

For a better, visual, adapted version visit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cdyej0AJaI.

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Just Moved?

All:
Susan Miller who was with us last week on the show asked for me to announce that she will be taking contributions to their military page at www.justmoved.org.

From Susan: "Please have them email any military moving tips, devotions, moving stories or networking ideas that would encourage the military mover to me at susanmiller@justmoved.org. (We reserve the right to edit all material sent to us. Only first name and branch of service will be disclosed, unless permission is granted otherwise.)"

I thought you would all probably have something to add!

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Putting Myself Out There

Seems like a strange title, but after listening to Susan Miller on AWTR on Monday night, I decided that I really need to focus on putting myself out there so I can make some friends. I am going to try and do at least one thing a week with other people. It is really easy with three small children to just stay home, so I am really going to make an effort to get out and get involved. Yesterday I went to a playgroup with some ladies from a nearby naval base. It was okay, a little different. The ladies were very nice. Thank goodness none of my children hit or pushed any of the other children. My oldest thinks snort laughing is hilarious, so as we were leaving he starts snort laughing. I looked up and all the ladies were looking at us. I just laughed and walked to our van.

Tomorrow I am going to my first Scrap booking Crop. I am new to scrap booking, I've been making cards for a while, but scrap booking is a new venture. I called the lady to double check my registration and she asked who I was coming with. Uh oh, great, am I going to be the only solo person there? I certainly hope not. This is supposed to be one of my Mom's day off trips.


So this is my personal challenge, one thing a week outside of my comfort zone. I will keep you posted.

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AWTR has NEW LIVE CHAT ROOM during our Monday shows!

Join us on Monday night's at 8pm EST in the LIVE CHAT ROOM available during our LIVE SHOW! You never know what you might find! Chat during the show with other Army wives and families!

Go to www.blogtalkradio.com/awtr and create an account.

Sign in and add AWTR as a friend!

During our LIVE SHOW at 8pm EST on Monday's click on the flashing "CHAT AVAILABLE" icon above our profile on our main page www.blogtalkradio.com/awtr

Enter the chat and talk away!

We leave the room open for at least a half hour after the show.

See you soon!

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Anyone near Jacksonville, FL?

Join us for Operation Dinner Out.

Some of our friends over at Navy Wife Radio got together and put this dinner together for military spouses - it's at the Hyatt and any spouse is welcome. Star and I are attending and we'd love to meet you.

Register and find out more online: http://www.operationdinnerout.com/

FROM THE SITE:
Living the life of a military spouse is often classified as an impossible mission. "How do you do it?" and "Oh, I could never do what you.", are common phrases to every military spouse. Join us for a evening of fun dedicated to appreciating you, the military spouse for accomplishing the "impossible mission" of being the support on the homefront to our Sailors, Marines, Soldiers, Airman and Coast Guardsmen.
The evening includes dinner, dessert, with time to mingle with other military spouses. We'll hear from Navy spouse and author Sarah Smiley, have giveaways, and share our own "sea stories".

We also have a few surprises in store for you!

Register early, seating is limited.

Open Registration begins 1 Sept and will close 2 Oct. or when event is Sold Out. No on-site registrations.

We can't wait to see you in Jacksonville!

All the Best!

Team Operation Dinner Out

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Jump Start

Our fellow Army Wives are amazing. Yesterday I got in the van to take my son to school and wouldn't you know it, the battery was dead. I guess I'd left the dvd player plugged in and it drained the battery!!! Argh!!

Two of my next door neighbors came to my rescue. I have never jump started a car before so I was in serious need of rescuing. One of my neighbors was on her way out, but she handed me her Power Station. If you have never seen one of these things, I highly recommend you go out and buy one. I am going to buy one today. The power station my neighbor loaned me has jumper cables on it. It also has an air compressor for inflating tires. You can plug it in to charge it, so if you need a jump it is ready to go. My other neighbor showed my how to attach the cables and we were in business in no time. I think that when your husband deploys you should be issued one of these things, it is great. My neighbor said she got hers at Cosco.

So this morning I just want to say thank you to all the Army Wives I know. I couldn't handle this crazy Army Lifestyle without you.

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I am just one of you

Tonight I found myself outside of my comfort zone. Kevin and I recently gave up battery command. We had been in only two battalions since we have been here and both we've been with people who are Field Artillery. We just moved to Brigade. It's...different. Not bad, just different.

I immediately contacted someone I knew at BDE and asked about coffees and FRG. Might as well start like I would tell one of you to right? I got an immediate coffee invitation. It was here in the same city where I live. I decided since the location was familiar I would attend.

All the way there I kept telling myself to be quiet. I have a tendency to start talking and saying stupid things (call them blurts) when I am nervous or excited about something. Of course, tonight was no exception.

On the way home I am thinking to myself how glad I was that I went. I was glad I met new people. But, isn't there always a but? But, I was out of my comfort zone and I found myself embarrassed and I couldn't figure out why. Well, I knew why ...but why? Here's what I mean. Why was because the Colonel's wife who was there introduced me and of course trying to be sweet talked about Army Wife Talk Radio and brought the Army Times with her to share my article. It's not like I am not proud of both of these things. I AM EXTREMELY PROUD. It's just an odd situation for me. It is almost as if people have a preconceived notion about who you are or what you'll be before you even have a chance to show them. Yes, I'm the host of Army Wife Talk Radio. Yes, I write for the Military Times. Yes, I am a military spouse speaker. Yes, yes, yes. I worked very hard on my dream to get there. But, I also am Wrena and Chloe's mama. I am Kevin's wife. I am Barbara's daughter, Jill's sister, Abbey's best friend, and Lou & Bob's owner. I am "Crooks", Star's (Henderson) business partner. Most importantly though, I am Tara.

Some people think I think I am all "army wife" and think I know everything - in a bad way (yes, I've even heard them say it believe it or not - I have ears in the back of my head LOL!). Others think I actually DO know everything and wonder why I can't solve their problems.

Some people know me as Tara. Some people know me as Tara Crooks. Some people know me as Army Wife Talk Radio. (My friend Edith even jokes "Oh, you have to go be Tara Crooks tonight.") No matter who you know me as, I am still the same person. I cry. I hurt. I laugh. I try. I work. I play. You get my point. I am just like you. I had a dream and I followed it - yep I did. But I still shop at Target and Kroger and work hard to save a buck. For heaven's sake I drive a mini-van. It's not glamourous. It's Army Wife Life. I'm just a voice.

Some of you say I inspire you. Who me? In my darkest moment, my most depressing time you said I inspired you. I laughed. I asked Star how in the world I could empower and inspire anyone when I was hurting so much? In reality ...you all inspire ME. I am only who I am inside because of each of you. Each of you, even some that are reading this that I have never laid eyes on, YOU are the reason.....WE are the reason I do what I do. Maybe that is why I get so embarrassed when people point out and praise things I have done - I don't feel I deserve all the credit. Or why I get so disgusted at formed opinions of people that are unsubstantiated - like the CBS interview thing I wrote about. Or even why I get so bent out of shape when someone makes a stereotypical remark about a spouse.

I am just me, an Army wife.

The truth is I am just one of you.

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Stalking Stars at the Grocery Store

I have to share this story because it just gave me a good laugh. We all need a good laugh once in awhile, right?

Yesterday, I had the chance to go to the grocery store without the wee ones attached to my legs, so I headed off with a long grocery list to the "expensive" store, just because I wanted some really fresh vegetables.

A half hour into shopping, I noticed this guy walking toward me and thought how much he looked like John Edwards (the presidential candidate, not the psychic :) I brushed it off, until I passed him again in the next aisle, and thought about *how* much this guy looked like John Edwards.

Well, it wasn't too far fetched because John Edwards actually has a house near our town. But this guy was dressed in shiny blue shorts and a plain blue t-shirt, and wouldn't he send someone to buy the groceries? So next time I passed him, I looked into his cart because (of course!) John Edwards would be buying food that could identify him as a presidential candidate.

6 bottles of Scope (at least!). Large pack of generic Diet soda.

That's all I was able to see without making this John Edwards look alike think I'm insane. So I figure, this man couldn't possibly be JE - well, maybe he had a halitosis problem - but grocery shopping by himself????

Well, guess what? It was him.

Because my bagger made sure to inform me that I was buying my baby's diapers next to the next president of the United States.

Well, that's a matter of opinion - and maybe it was staged to make him seem more like the "common man" - but I did gain a little more respect for him for going out for groceries.

Got to love a man that buys his own Scope!

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The American Freedom Festival

The American Freedom Festival - held Veterans Day Weekend (November 10th, 2007) - is a concert event that features country music performers, actors, athletes, dignitaries and other supporters, joining together to help support and fulfill the mission of the American Freedom Foundation. This year, featured performers include Martina McBride & Darryl Worley. Tickets are going on sale on September 1st.

The American Freedom Foundation (www.americanfreedomfoundation.org) is a 501(c)3 public benefit corporation organized to honor veterans of America's armed forces and raise money and awareness for various veterans' organizations with special emphasis directed to welfare and educational issues facing those wounded in action, those disabled and families and children of veterans killed in action during Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom.

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Hey Everyone,

I wanted to share this story with you all. It played on NBC Nightly News on Friday, September 21, 2007. Joel Jacobs, the man they are profiling, works for GMH (the company that manages our on post community housing) and I work with him all the time in the mayor’s program. He’s a good guy, and so when I watched this news story, and got the link I wanted to share it with you. The trees you’ll see are planted along the "Warrior Walk" here at Ft. Stewart for our lost soldiers. We have “tree ceremonies” for the plantings and there the soldiers are remembered. I have walked "Warrior Walk", it’s both a beautiful and heartbreaking thing to see.

Go to the following link:
http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?f=00&g=61d0bb31-8afd-40b0-9347-a32eb962840b&p=News_Editors%20Picks&t=m5&rf=http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3042924/&fg

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Move over Oprah!! AWTR has a new book club!!

Our AWTR's very own book club kicks off next month. I am really excited about this new addition. I love to read (my books add a lot to our shipping weight) and I love to talk and discuss just about everything...so this is right up my alley. I am going to begin with books that are already on our book list, but if anyone has suggestions , please feel free to share.

We are going to start out in October with a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Even if you have already read it, I encourage you to pick it up again and join us as we read through and discuss it together. I originally read this book several years ago and I still use the wisdom that I gleaned from the unique insights. Gary Chapman has identified 5 love languages that we use to communicate with one another. One of my favorite points is that we show love in the manner in which we want to be loved. It sounds like an easy concept, but one that we often forget. As we go through the book, we will see the different ways in which we give and receive affection. I guarantee you will see your husband through fresh eyes. You will begin to understand him and yourself better. I have found that although this book is primarily intended to increase understanding between spouses, I have been able to apply the same concepts to my sons and other relationships also.

What I would like to do is to start out in the first week of October by reading chapters 1-3. I will post here to the LAS blog throughout the month to help keep us on track.

We can discuss what we read here as well as over in the forum. At the end of the month we will have a chance to dig even deeper into our thoughts through an on-air book club segment during the AWTR radio show.
One thing that I love about AWTR is that even though we seldom get to meet each other "face to face" it truly is like a bunch of girlfriends getting together to share life. We laugh at each other...because we've been there. We cry for one another...because we've been there. If I could, I would love for all of us to gather around my dining room table with cups of coffee (since it's Sept. I'm pulling out the pumpkin spice!!) and talk about this month's book. Of course, as you know we would get off topic sometimes........we girls tend to go off on tangents....I know it's not just me right? But ultimately, we would just enjoy talking, laughing, and sharing. This is what I hope to cultivate here....a group of friends. We are all different. We bring different ideas, experiences, and perspectives with us...which is important and valuable. Yet, in many ways we can identify with each other....so well in fact that it can be eerie (airport reunions, tearing up in the pop-tart aisle, the Oreo finger stretch...and umm feeding the dog breakfast and dinner in the AM..hoping she will pace herself).

So I encourage you to grab your coffee, tea, or beverage of choice.....and join us. We'll be discussing life and love. Army wives bring so much passion and dedication to their marriages and families I just know we will end up inspiring one another.

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Why would it matter?

Ok girls...
I was at the post office today and the lady said "I saw you on TV". Now I try not to go anywhere around without makeup on now b/c people have seen me around so much I have people come up and talk to me who I have never met...but anyway...there I was in sweats and tshirt and no makeup. Then everyone's ears peeked...TV? She said that she saw me and good job ..yada yada...but then as I was about to walk out she said that she was sure I had heard the FOX interview where they criticized the piece and all the interviews that had been done quoting that "they only interview officers wives". Now with my quick thinking (NOT) I didn't ask where they said this or what they said exactly ...all I said was "officer wives or enlisted wives...they all miss their husbands." Now I know that is true but by the time I got home I was fuming about this comment.

I know it's stupid but I think about these things. Will people not listen to AWTR because I am an officer's wife? Why does that matter? I am the same person no matter what. I don't care if you are PFC or Major General...resources are resources and spouses are spouses. I have never once pulled rank (ok, Adrienne is right one time I did but that was a necessity) for something spouse related. Why should you?

On the topic of the interview - first of all I see PLENTY of enlisted and officer interviews so that is silly. I also know that it doesn't matter one way or another who is interviewed they all still miss their hubbies and have their own opinions. Lastly, in this case, dang it, I can't choose who my husband is (ok so I can but I wouldn't change who he is even if I did get to 'rechoose') or his rank and I can't choose who CBS calls to do an interview either. I put myself out there. Shouldn't they just be happy they have a voice?

I have searched up and down the internet to find this conversation and cannot find it. If someone has seen the story on FOX please point me in the right direction. I'd really like to see it from the horses mouth.

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Sleeping With The Telephone

Ladies,
Reba McEntire is one of my VERY favorite singers/artists. I ran out to purchase her DUETS album (well CD) on Wed after Kevin left - it was released on Tuesday. Anyway today I was finally getting to listen all the way through and heard the song that she does with Faith Hill called Sleepnig with the Telephone. Here are the lyrics...now you tell me ...is this OUR LIFE or what? (well cept that blue uniform thing!)

I knew who he was
When I took his name
But somehow knowin'
Is just not the same late at night
He knows the danger
But he does what he does
He calls it duty
But I call it love
So here I am
While he’s gone
To some foreign land

And I cry
'Cause I’m alone
And the nights get so cold and long
And I try not to think he won’t come home
But I’m sleeping with the telephone

The yellow ribbon on my neighbor’s gate
Always reminds me that someone’s awake
Just like me
I hear the sirens

And I watch the news
He laughs and leaves with his gun
And his blue uniform
And I pray God keeps him safe from harm

And I cry
'Cause I’m alone
And the nights get so cold and long
And I try not to think he won’t come home
But I’m sleeping with the telephone

I loose him in my darkest dreams
And my blood runs cold and my heart skips a beat
So I get up; I can’t take anymore
Sometimes I hate how much I love him
But everyday I love him more

And I try not to think he won’t come home
But I’m sleeping with the telephone

Something awakes me from where he should be
I reach for him; the telephone rings

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Child Abuse

Last week I attended a conference. One of the guest speakers named Richard Pelzer is the author of three books: A Brother’s Journey, A Teenager’s Journey, and soon to be released, A Man’s Journey. The books depict his overcoming a childhood of abuse.

I have to admit; I have not received much training or heard many speeches on Child Abuse. Now I ask myself why? After hearing Richard share a small glimpse into his life as an abused child and teenager, I was horrified thinking that I could be one of those neighbors, family acquaintances or officials he spoke of that could have or should have intervened to help him and his brother’s escape the brutal hell in which they lived daily. After hearing Richard tell us how children are prisoners in their own home and if someone doesn’t take the responsibility of reporting what they see or hear or know, the children are left to suffer for years and years. The children will seldom tell authorities due to the shame and the brain washing that’s likely taken place over the years. It’s the adults on the outside who they look to for hope and maybe a way to a better (normal) life. Richard is also the brother of David Pelzer, author of: A Child Called “It”.

From this conference I realize I have much to learn, but also how very important it is to teach all spouses, especially the new and younger ones how they can help if they suspect a friend or neighbor is involved with child abuse. Senior leaders are seldom told of theses issues for fear of ruining a service member’s career. I’m afraid if spouses are not educated more on this subject, they, like me will never know how to best handle a possible abuse situation. I can only suggest that we make ourselves more aware of our surroundings and know it is our responsibility to be courageous and report suspected abuse. We are often the only hope the children have.

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I'm A Bum

(Yep, that's me and the fam :) )

I've been so busy the last 2 weeks, that yesterday, I could barely force myself out of bed. You know how it is, when you KNOW you have something to do, but you just couldn't care less? Yea, that was me. And then my Bay was sick :( So that didn't help me want to do anything but lay around all day with her.

I think that I've been focusing so hard on finding something for me to have when Richard deploys, that I've not realized that I'm packing almost too much on myself. I've got Ethan going to soccer practice 2 evenings (and one afternoon) a week, and he's got Cub Scouts in the middle. Then I've got meetings and classes and all kinds of stuff for my volunteer work. And I'm feeling like maybe I'm not just trying to find something for myself for when he's gone, but it looks like I'm just trying to avoid the fact that he's going to leave....very soon. If I just keep myself ridiculously busy, then I don't have to face that fact that I'm going to spend the longest time away from the love of my life that I've ever spent away from him, and it's going to begin shortly.

I have that typical fear, you know the one I'm talking about. I don't want to say it out loud, or put it in writing...that gives it too much power. It's crippling sometimes. But as unhealthy as it is to focus on that thought and let it overtake me, it seems that it's just as unhealthy to try and drown it out with activities.

So ya'll tell me, what are some of the things that YOU do during deployments to keep a balance between life and craziness?

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Conquer Your Fears....

Enough said.

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Crazy Moments Since my husband deployed

Since my husband deployed back in July. I have met a few challenges. I'm sure you will get a laugh out of my situations. We do the grocery shopping together. So my 1st trip to the commissary without my husband was not a good one. Usually we use ERA laundry soap. Well of all days there is out of ERA. As I stood there I thought what would he buy? Well I ended up getting Tide with febreeze. That was like a breakdown for me...Ok...So I made it through the trip to the commissary. Then I ran to the shopette for some milk...Oh my $ 5.00 a gallon. Then the light blew in my laundry room. So I ran to self help and picked up 2 flourescent light bulbs. Got home and had my 15 yr old son help me...He climbed up on the washer and put the new ones in..ok...that didn't work...so he switched them around...that didn't work. Well he said i'm done with this...So I got on top the washer and tried to put the new ones in....then I put the plastic light fixture over the lights and as I went to get down off the washer. The light fixture fell and broke..So now I have a light cover that is broke and still have no light in my laundry room...OK you get the bulbs and no one tells ya how to change them...The I go to take my son to school Tuesday and my battery was dead. Now I have no jumper cables. They are in my husbands car in which our friend is borrowing. Even if I did have jumper cables, I don;t know how to use them. I wouldn't be able to handle the sparking when you put the cables on the battery. I would blow the batteries up. So here is one of my deployment blurps....

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TSIA

BFFs: If you haven't heard before, Tara and I feel we owe a lot to Kathie and Holly, authors of the book reviewed below (Help! I'm a Military Spouse...). They encouraged us to dream big and craft these wonderful lives we enjoy. And, B/C of them, this week we had a chance to realize another dream when we debuted as their replacement columnists for Military Times' Married to the Military Column.

TNX, Kathie and Holly!
This review is fun and recognition you totally deserve. KUTGW!

Therese: We're glad you're one of us; TSIA.
You're awesome!

_________________________________
Book review by Therese Mancevski Sept. 18, 2007 http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/76205/therese_mancevski.html
at Associated Content.com

My husband called me the other day and said the following: "Hey, babe. Look, I'm eligible to receive DLA when we go to OBC. It'll show up on my LES, so I'll apply for it ASAP." To which I promptly replied, "WTF?!" (translation: what the freak?!)

Yes, WTF pretty much sums up the way most new military spouses feel about their new lives, myself included (obviously).

While my husband is off playing GI Joe, I'm left at home to plan moves, register children for school, find a job, be a chauffer, care for the sick, lose thirty pounds, show the bad the error of their ways, buy the food, maintain the vehicle, pay the bills, help with the homework, cook the food, clean the house, read the bedtime stories, wash the dog, and quit smoking, for good this time. WTF indeed!

However, by sheer coincidence, since most of the time we spend in the public library is devoted to the children's section, I noticed a book in the New Fiction section the other day that seemed to echo the sentiment that's been stewing in the back of my mind ever since my husband left for training: Help! I'm a Military Spouse: I Get a Life Too! How to Craft a Life For You as You Move With the Military. I grabbed it up and checked it out before anyone could say, "Mom, what's for dinner?"

To say that I read the book would be a serious understatement: I devoured it! The plain truth is that Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer have compiled the most comprehensive text for how to successfully navigate through the military world while keeping the better part of your identity intact.

They arm readers with tons of resources-both online and print-and provide a plethora of personal experience stories from other military spouses. The subjects they cover range from things like how to establish friendships as we move around from post to post, to the pros and cons of owning your own business while your spouse is serving. I found their chapter on career advice quite helpful because I've always believed the way to go after your dreams is to slowly progress from Point A to Point B. Hightower and Scherer have challenged me to think more creatively about how I plan to achieve my own career goals as I face the reality of military life.

Reading testimonials from other spouses also helped me out tremendously. I no longer feel as though I can't ask questions to seek help, and I think knowing other people have felt the same exact way as I feel, have gone through some of the things I'm now going through, has given me the confidence to delve into this new life with a much more positive attitude.

I've packed the knowledge supplied by Hightower and Scherer into my rucksack for safe keeping, and I encourage any new military spouse interested in carrying a secret weapon with them to do the same as we embark on our journey through the world of the military. Who knows? I might even make a tee-shirt with the slogan "I am a military spouse, HMR!" (translation: Hear Me Roar!)
_________________________________

Lost? For some acronym 411, check out:
http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm
http://www.acronymfinder.com

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Let's Give Ourselves Permission....

...to...

10. Wipe the kids down with baby wipes and washcloths instead of giving them a bath tonight
9. Bring home fast food for dinner at least once a week
8. Say "No" once in a while...to our friends, to our family, to our kids, so that we can do something for ourselves instead
7. To let the laundry pile up, overflow, and take over the laundry room before we think about washing it
6. Wait till the morning to load the dishwasher
5. Fill the dog bowl way too much so that we don't have to get up in the afternoon and feed him again
4. Do something fun. Yes, our husbands are stuck in miserable Iraq, but that doesn't mean they want us to be miserable too. Take the kids to the zoo! It's ok!
3. Eat 10 Oreos in one sitting
2. Not mow the lawn this weekend. A few weeds won't kill anyone, will they?
1. CRY! It's ok!! Doing all this alone is NOT EASY!!!

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He's my lobster...

My husband wrote me a letter before he left. He kept repeating that he wished that he could take all of my pain away. Before he left he asked if there was anything else that I needed. The only thing I could think to tell him was for him to stay. Now, logically I knew he couldn't. That didn't make anything any easier for either of us. I tried to be strong and hold back the tears but the lump in the back of my throat only grew stronger and the faucets were ON.

Eighteen days flew by so fast. You spend most of the deployment hoping for time to fly. When they are home you pray for it to stop. The time together is never enough. Though surprisingly it took us only days to fit back into our routine again. I am constantly amazed at how well he adapts to every situation and how he can be here in the moment knowing he has to return. Remaining aloof and detached would make his hurt so much less, but our time together would be affected. I am so glad he chooses to be here with us even though I know the joy of being completely and totally in those moments means the pain of leaving is even harder for him.

Within days things were functioning like a well oiled machine. Life was so much easier. We had our family back together. The stress was lifted and the joy had returned. There are basics of everyday life that you never realized you missed (having someone to take out the trash, an adult conversation, or someone to hug you) that all of the sudden become so much more appreciated. My best friend was lying next to me every night and he was there again every morning. I treasured every moment.

The drive home from the airport was excrutiating. I knew when I arrived in the driveway I was home alone again. There is a half eaten container of cottage cheese in my fridge. There is a REENLIST coffee mug next to the sink. The laundry is piled up from a week. I know I’m going to have to face it sometime, but the thought of putting away his clothes right now is nauseating.

I wish that he could take my pain away too. I wish I could take his pain away. I do, but I don't. I don't because on my way home last night through the horrible feeling in my gut, the tears that wouldn't stop, the sleep I couldn't find, and the ache in my heart I realized that pain was the feeling of being in love. The pain of being alive. The feeling of an emotion some don't ever experience. I love him. He loves me. Totally and completely. I don't want the pain, but I'll take it if it means I get to live a life full of that kind of love. He's my lobster.....

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Way To Go Girls!!!

Wartime Baby Boom Hits Military Bases
By ERIN HAYES,
ABC News
Posted: 2007-09-18 19:19:34
Filed Under: Nation News

(Sept 17) — Lt. Col. Diane Adams has had her hands full. Every day. Last month, the hospital department she oversees in Fort Campbell, Ky., was responsible for delivering 242 babies. That was a record. And they're not finished yet.
"That's more than 100 over our usual monthly average, " she said. Adams delivered a few of those babies herself. She chuckled thinking about it. "There are moments when you think is anyone on Fort Campbell not pregnant?" Adams is the chief of Women's Health Services at Blanchfield Army Hospital, and she expects the hospital to break the baby-delivery record again this month, and possibly every month into the winter. "We were surprised to see how sustained it is. And we're now predicting over 200 births per month all the way through March, and we're starting to see women who are due in April already." It all began when Fort Campbell troops started returning home from Iraq last fall. Many were like Staff Sgt. Cory Yates and his wife, Suzy. They had decided, when they married, to wait to have children. But after his second tour in Iraq, and knowing he'll face longer deployments in the future, they decided to get their family started now. "We decided that if we waited too long, it's never going to happen, " he said. It did happen. Little Mason Yates was born in July. His dad is preparing to leave for Iraq again in a few months. Bittersweet, certainly, but Yates is simply glad he was home to see Mason born. "If I didn't believe in what I was doing, I wouldn't be doing it anymore. I think when he gets older, he'll understand." His wife, Suzy, agrees with him. "We just try to do as much as we can while he's home and enjoy the time together that we have, " she said, adding that they have plenty of company as parents of a newborn on their military post. "You can't go into Wal-Mart without seeing or passing a pregnant person or someone with a newborn baby. They're everywhere!" And it isn't just Fort Campbell that's experiencing a rotational baby boom. Adams says her colleagues at other Army hospitals report the same phenomenon: troops rotating home are tucking in babies between the long deployments. "This time, they're starting to push out the door, next month, as early as mid-September, and they'll be deploying for 15 months," she said. "So for families who might have put off starting or adding to their number of children, they're seeing that 15-month deployment as a longer period of time, and thinking maybe now is the time to start." That was true for Sgt. First Class Ray Brown and his wife, Heather. She became pregnant in September, not long after the 101st Airborne of Fort Campbell started rotating home from Iraq. They were elated throughout her pregnancy and during the delivery. "I cried," said Ray, referring to the moment their son, Noah, was born, "the moment his head crowned, I cried." And little Noah was followed within minutes by his little twin sister Karalyne. It has been a lot of work, and in this time of war, there is the ever-present uncertainty of what future deployments may bring. For the moment, though, they are just basking in the glow of two babies' smiles. "You live for this week," Heather said, cuddling Noah. "And this year. You don't live for six months down the road." The constant deployments make the future unsettling to contemplate at times. Heather looks toward Ray. "He may very well not be here next year; he could be deployed. So you take advantage of the time you have." A walk through the corridors of the maternity unit at Fort Campbell's Blanchfield Hospital finds many who share that outlook as they gaze upon their newborns. Tiny Cheyenne Hancock was in her father's arms for much of the first few days of her life. "I don't want to put her down," said Warrant Officer Jason Hancock as his wife, Brandi, looked on. He, too, will leave for Iraq not long from now, his fourth deployment. He and Brandi had hoped and prayed that they could have their baby while he was home. Cheyenne was an answer to that prayer. "This is, to me," said Brandi," the most important part for him to experience, her being born. And the first few months of her life." Jason held Brandi in front of him as he rocked her to sleep. "I wouldn't trade it for nothing, " he said, watching her sleepy smile. "I wouldn't trade it for nothing." It's a sentiment shared by thousands of soldiers returning from deployment, determined to make the very most of the time they have here at home.
Copyright 2007 ABCNEWS.com
2007-09-18 09:20:17

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No, I am not OK..thank you very much

After about 6 years of being an Army wife, I just realized something today. I don't have to be OK--this for me was a huge epiphany. My husband deployed in January and I have been striving since then to carry on. You know...pay the bills, keep the house maintained, keep the yard neat, the vehicles maintained, nurture and teach our sons---and smile. Everyday my goal is to keep our normal routine...keep our homeschool schedule consistent......keep meals consistent...keep bedtime consistent. And everyday that this doesn't happen...I feel like I am not keeping the homefront as I should. I have tried to be brave and march on without a hitch. Except there is a huge hitch........my best friend, my lover, my husband....my other half is gone. I am not marching.........I am limping (as one tends to do when there is only half of you). And that is truly OK. It is OK to limp along. I am never going to make everything "normal" while my husband is away. It is impossible because not having him here..home with us.... is not normal and I never want it to be.
I realized we have been watching a lot of movies on TV...is that bad?
I always feel guilty if I bring home fast food for dinner. I thought I should encourage my 2 year to sleep in his bed....just like he has always done. But you know , he wants to sleep with me....he needs me. I know the world seems kind of crazy now....."Why did Daddy go again? You are staying right here...right Mommy?" And you know what? I sleep better with my son. I don't have to keep the TV on anymore...I can fall asleep in the dark. This isn't our normal.....or this wasn't our normal.....but what I have realized is that this is our normal when things aren't normal. (Following me?)
Once I got this, it actually took a weight off my shoulders. I don't have to be OK!!! I don't have to carry on like nothing is wrong and our life is routine. Now I know there is merit in trying to keep things safe and consistent for our children...I guess what I am talking about is being kinder to myself and knowing that if things don't run just like they do when Dad is home...it is because Dad isn't home....hmmm makes sense.
This time won't last forever (even though sometimes it seems like it will) and my kids will not be irreparably damaged if they eat more Happy Meals and watch more Disney movies for a few more months...right?

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Depression

I realize this might be a silly question in some ways, but have any of you ever experienced depression? Any type? This subject is such a tender spot for me, but it's been on my mind quite a bit lately. I know how isolating the military can get at times and it's always something I worry about. If you ever have gone through some sort of depression while in the military, how did you handle it and what did you do, if anything? I don't expect people to actually answer, it's so personal. But my reason for asking is that when I went through it I had no idea about what to do and I was scared to let anyone know. I didn't want to put pressure on my hubby and I was constantly worried that it would somehow get up the chain of command and it would effect his job. So I stayed quiet and that was certainly the wrong thing to do. Anyways, I'm now constantly worried about the girls around me and what they have to go through and the kind of support they have. Is there some sort of program that people have access to so they can get the help they need and also feel like they won't be left on their own? I know Tricare always has things sort of like that, but I don't know how it works really. I really would have loved the support and help back then! I don't think it would have gotten as out of control as it did. But we learn from everything we go through! I now have some great resources for myself if I ever need it! It's such a terrifying thing, but never something to be ashamed of, I hope people know that. Of course all these things are easier said than done! Maybe, if there isn't one already, there can be some sort of support group for anyone who may need some help or maybe some sort of workshop that people can attend if they want, and not just for people who are actually going through it or not just for people who have a soldier deployed. Anyways, just something that's been on my mind. I think this is a great place for support and reassurance whenever we need it!

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Moving Question...PLEASE HELP!!

I need some help from all you veteran wives!

I have a very dear friend whose husband recently enlisted. She was living here in Colorado Springs until about a month or so ago when she moved to GA to be nearer to him while he went through Airborne and RIP. Before she left she put some some things in storage.

1) They've been told he won't get his orders until 2 days before graduation. That poses the first problem. They can't schedule transportation to take their belongings from CO to their duty station until they have orders.

2) The second problem is that they've been told that because they don't have a power of attorney, HE will have to be here in Colorado Springs to sign for the items in storage. (Is that the case?)

3) As always, they will have a set number of days to get to their duty station (which very well could be there in GA where they are already). Is the Army likely to give them an extended amount of time to report since they will have to come here to sign for the things they have in storage?
(If their duty station IS GA, where they are now, will he really have to come to CO to sign papers? It just seems like such a waste of time and money. Her sister is here and has the key and paperwork for storage unit.)

4) As always and as already mentioned, they will be given a set number of days to get to their duty station. They can't schedule their transportation briefing or goods pick-up until they have orders. Once they have their meeting, the soonest their stuff will be picked up is two weeks after the meeting. How will that work out if he has to report before their stuff in CO is picked up/signed for.


See, it gets awfully complicated. If you have any experience in this area, please respond! She's a new wife, has a new baby, and VERY new to this army stuff. I feel bad that I don't have more answers...my answers are all, "Go talk to transportation." But I know transportation won't know when the report date will be. I want to help, and I knew that I have a very good resource with those who read/respond to this site. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond!

~Jennifer

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Too Busy!

Well, another busy week has gone by! I'm so glad it's over and it's time to relax until next week! Time is going by so fast lately. I look at my boys and see how much they've changed in such a short period of time and it make me sad! Ethan is my youngest and I can't believe how big he's getting. I just want to capture everything he does in a bottle and store it forever! Growing up is unavoidable, but it just happens way too fast! Austin learns something new each day and it amazes me every time. I always wonder what they're going to be like when they get older and what they'll do, and that's all I can do, wonder. I really miss my family being nearby so they can see them growing too, but I guess that just comes with the territory. Austin calls everyone who's a little older than me "mama", that's what he calls his grandma's. I know they all miss them, but we've decided not to go back home for the holiday season! We really just want this to be a quiet Christmas so we can just focus on them and let them really get a taste of what Christmas is about (except without the million family members all around). It's still a little ways away but we told everybody so they wouldn't feel like we didn't want to see them. Oh well I guess. They can come visit us before or we can go after but we just want it to be the four of us this time! What do you normally do for Christmas and major holidays? We have a hard time deciding every time. I really need to relax and just enjoy life, no matter what's happening!

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My Gift to Freedom

On or about September 14, my little brother will deploy to take his turn
at a tour of duty in Iraq. This is his first. He "ain't scared" but has a healthy respect for all that this call for duty entails. He's not a "new guy", but he's been a Marine for 10 years already. The veteran side of me is excited with him for the adventures and destiny fulfilled. The sister side of me wonders and worries.

The graphic above is one variation for t-shirts that you can design yourself.
Sizes for the whole family and icons for all services available.
Visit www.MyGiftToFreedom.com.

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Another Top Ten...

Not too much has happened since the last time I wrote. Not unless you count a family vacation to Trail West, visits from in-laws, a son losing his first two teeth, the youngest two of my three boys starting preschool for the first time ever, having a dear friend move to Louisiana, my husband leaving for a two week school in prep for his upcoming deployment. That's about all. I live a leisurely life, don't I? And not one thing would I change. Okay, I'd have my friend move back and my husband not deploy. Two things.

Well, anyway, I really do love my life, and I really enjoyed Sarah's "Top Ten" and thought I might share mine as well. Mine is titled:

Ten Things You Won't See as a Youth Pastor's Wife

(can you guess what my husband was before he became a Chaplain?)

You won't see...

1) Your husband in uniform (that is a uniform other than shorts and flip-flops)



2) Your house in a gated community (my community is gated with armed guards...gotta love on post living)



3) Your husband's congregation sitting on the floor in the middle of the woods holding M-16's



4) Your husband salute his boss



5) Soldiers marching across the street preparing for battle (and I don't mean "Onward, Christian Soldiers")



6) A "Tank Crossing" sign anywhere near the church's entrance



7) Your husband go on 15 month long "mission trips" to the desert



8) People anonymously buy your family's meal at restaurants with a simple "Thank You"



9) Groups of people standing still with hands over hearts in respect for our flag being taken down at 1700



10 ) People refer to 5:00 pm as 1700

I was NOT kidding about the tank crossing sign. I'm sure that those of you who are not new to the military won't find this at all humorous, but I've only been an Army wife for a year and a half...this was funny to me!

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AFAP (and smaller lighter notes)

This week we had our installation AFAP (Army Family Action Plan) conference. It was my first one, but I was asked to be recorder instead of a delegate by our Volunteer Program Manager. I was incredibly impressed! We had a fantastic group of people! I was working in "Family Support" and we just really had a great time. Our delegates had so many different views and gave us so many great outlooks on things. You might expect animosity and some bickering among so many people so with many different opinions, but I was absolutely proud of the way our group handled themselves. Everyone made their points, and they got across, but at the same time, everyone gave each other's views the appropriate respect. It was a nice boost for "faith in people" if you know what I mean.

We came up with some great issues and I can't wait to see what comes out of them. It will be awesome to know that I was a part of that! I've heard people talk about how important AFAP is to making the lives of our Army families better, but to see if first hand was great!

On a less Army-specific note, I'm about to order my kids Halloween costumes. Ethan, my son, wants to be Superman. I'm somewhat surprised at the lack of availability in Superman costumes in the stores so far. I can only assume that it's because a Superman movie wasn't put out this year, that was last year. So they're less popular this year? It sure doesn't make them less expensive! The majority of web sites I've found them on to order from have priced them at over $30! Thank goodness for www.walmart.com (they admit on the website that they don't have the costumes in the stores, so at least I can order them) where it's under $20. And since Ethan is going to be Superman, and since Baylee doesn't seem to have a preference (whereas last year, she specified she wanted to be a "princess") I'm getting her a Supergirl costume! I think they'll be absolutely adorable at Ft. Stewart's "Trunk 'R' Treat" in their little Super-costumes! CAN'T WAIT! I absolutely LOVE Halloween!

I'm currently looking into starting a sonography program at a local college. You have to love the Georgia HOPE Program! So I guess that's all for me right now :)

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Stress Exposure/ Stress Inoculation

Let's play charades.

I have two fingers up.
I am tugging my ear, "sounds like...grooving."

Only I'm not, grooving that is!

It's the dreaded "M" word and I heard it last week for the first time in awhile
at my house. I repeated it, in that fashion--the "M" word--to my mother-in-law
on the phone just three days ago, and haven't really thought of much else
lately.

Moving? Are we? I don't know, but you know when you "just know" something is afoot. Already, I've put the brakes on a couple things, until I know more information.

Here's the backdrop: We're a National Guard family; you know that. We can still get PCS orders, but they're usually more regularly timed and quite often pursued vs. assigned.

But, "usually" is an archaic word these last 6 years. Isn't it? What has been done "usually" or "normally" just isn't anymore. It's now all base re-alignment, needs of the Army, Force Modernization talk complete with not only moving and deployments but MOS re-training for a lot of folks too: more schools, more separations, more stress.

I know you have all been where I'm at this week. Wondering whether or not to press your husband for more information or savor the moment in your most "recent home" until it is no longer.

Conceptualization Phase
This is a little stressor in the grand scheme of things. It's my booster shot, because I probably forgot what real stress is all about, because I HAVE gotten complacent and comfortable with my "new normal" here in Georgia. We've been here three years and I just went back to work. I have people to call instead of waiting for people to call me. I volunteer, my son loves his school, my daughter has never really known any different. I'm not telling you guys anything.

I know I'll feel better when I know if, when, and where. I knew it was inevitable, but just not so "soon." So, I'll feel better too when I let the idea sink again.

Skills Acquisition and Rehearsal Phase
For now, I'll take some AWTR medicine, gather the facts, think about what was done right/wrong in the past, and savor the moments of friends and routines that I've come to enjoy here.

I'll tune in for the upcoming show, Just Moved (Sep 24), and re-visit the resources we have all shared in our time together.

I'll start de-cluttering even.

Application and Follow-through
Then, when the real day and info comes, I'll be prepared. I'll be ready when I need to be, to help my family when they need me. I won't be taken unawares and may even welcome the change when it's REALLY coming.

And if it doesn't come, I'll be thankful for this week. I'm reminded that change is inevitiable, sooner or later. And I'm reminded---like it or not---I'm NOT IMMUNE!

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The Cost Of Straightening It All Out

By looking at my teeth, you wouldn't think I have many dental issues. They look okay unless you're a dentist. Then you tell me to come to the office four times a year to get cleanings and check-ups because, if I don't, I'll get ten cavities a year instead of the four I average every year. Oh, and because I grind, then add in a nightguard. And, yeah, I should go to the orthodontist because if I don't do something about my bite, I'll keep chipping the edges of most of my front teeth.

Let me back up. There are only 2 dentists in my area that take United Concordia. The first one told me I would have to wait 6 months to get an appointment. The second is a half hour drive away. She only takes UC because she's an Air Force brat. When I asked why no one in this part of NC takes our insurance, the answer was: "United Concordia doesn't reimburse as much other insurers - it's a lot less." This, according to the receptionist I spoke to, left them holding the bag when patients didn't pay the remainder of their bills.

A few days ago, the receptionist at my dentist asked me to pay $325 for two fillings. I asked her to repeat herself, because, I told her, I have insurance. She tapped on the keyboard a few more times, took out a calculator, and came up with the figure of $100- - because she just wasn't certain how much United Concordia would cover and right now the computer was showing I had to cover the entire amount. I paid my $100 just to avoid having to pay more.

But paying for part of my procedures doesn't bother me too much.

However the orthodontist, that's another story since it will probably be over $3000. When I told my husband that I set up the appointment for a consultation, I mentioned that the payments wouldn't be covered by the Army's insurance unless we got supplemental insurance. United Concordia only covers orthodontic work if you are under 23.

He jokingly said, "I guess someone thinks Army wives don't deserve straight teeth."

I had to laugh, but I'm sure I won't be when I get the bill. I do know one thing, I'll be sure to give a big toothy grin in every future picture so I get my money's worth out of it all. But if it's a picture for military stuff, I might just keep those lips closed ;)

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9/11

I don't like to talk about September 11th 2001, but I feel compelled on this anniversary to share some thoughts.

I remember where I was, I think everyone does. I was in school and I was commuting from an Army post over an hour to get to class. I would get up before 0500 so I could beat the traffic. I was sleeping in the student lounge and I kept dreaming about this hotel being on fire. When I woke up people were running to gather around the large tv in the student lounge. I was totally shocked and so afraid. Were there more planes? Would I be able to get home? My oldest brother worked in downtown Manhattan and my middle brother worked in Washington DC. I tried to reach both of them and couldn't reach them. My Dad called and said they were okay. When I started to cry he said that he was well trained for the mission and not to worry. Mission, what mission, what was he talking about. My husband and I had barely been married a month and it hadn't even occurred to me that this might mean something for him. I couldn't get a hold of my husband. I asked my Dad if he thought I should drive home and he said that they weren't sure if there were more planes in the sky. I jumped in the car and drove about as fast as I could, back then I drove a Mustang, way smoother than my current ride, a minivan.

When I got back to our military town, I felt better. I went over to a friend's house, there were a bunch of Army wives at her house, everyone sitting around stunned. Army wives are sisters, we were just there together, no one had to say "Well I am scared because I don't know what this means for my husband." We all felt it, we were just together. Post was locked down tight, it was very nerve-wracking having your husband a couple of miles away, but no means of seeing or contacting him. Things settled down. I converted to Catholicism when I married my husband. At the time I'd only been Catholic for a year or so, but I slept with my rosary under my pillow, because I was so scared I couldn't sleep.

It seems hard to believe that 9/11 was six years ago. The consequences were more than I could have imagined. The War on Terrorism has been tough on us all. The price that Army families has been so high, for some the highest. I realize that just about everyone has a different opinion on the war and whether it is right or wrong, just or unjust. Military spouses can have an opinion, but it doesn't change deployment orders. Our husbands go to Iraq or Afghanistan, it doesn't matter if we agree with the mission or not. We support our husbands.

I don't have to ask you to think about everyone who lost their lives six years ago today and every day since. I realize that most of the people who read the posts on Loving a Soldier can't help but think about it. For most of us it is with us everyday. If your husband is deployed it is on the tip of your tongue, mixed with every breath you take. If your husband isn't deployed, every time he comes home early, or pauses for a second on the phone you wonder if this is the moment when he tells you he is leaving.

Today is a day for memories and tears. I wanted to share mine with you. I wanted to write it down and hopefully set it down for a while, it is a heavy memory. I encourage you to write your memory, if not on Loving a Soldier, then in a diary or a journal. I am so thankful to have so many sisters and friends. It is in each other that these things become bearable.

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Shared Sacrifice (CBS Evening News)

Click here to visit CBS and watch the video

(CBS) Today, a group of women actually felt what most Americans only heard - a general's call for more sacrifice when they believe most people are not paying attention.

"America's really not at war. We're at the mall or Starbucks ordering lattes," says Maryann Marshall, an Army wife at Fort Stewart, Ga.

The wives of deployed soldiers know about sacrifice. CBS News correspondent Mark Strassmann gathered them to watch Gen. David Petraeus' report to Congress on the state of the troop surge in Iraq.

Petraeus wants to stay the surge and keep 168,000 U.S. troops in Iraq - 33,000 more than were there in February.

Capt. Jack Mooney's on his second tour of Iraq. Next month, his wife, Robin, is expecting their first child.

"Obviously, we would love to hear somebody stand up and say, 'Hey, they're all coming home next week,'" she says. “Selfishly, that would be great news. But it's not realistic, and it wouldn't be the right decision."

Tara Crooks has her husband back and daughters Wrena and Chloe have their dad - for now.

"Wow, it is so nice to have two parents. You are like ‘Wow, this family works so much better,'" Tara Crooks said.

Captain Kevin Crooks is only home on leave from his third tour in 5 years.

"I tell you what. I am ready for a break. We are ready for a break. And that is no lie. It has been hard,” Tara Crooks said.

With the Petraeus report, these families also now have their marching orders. More deployments, which, to many of them, means tempting fate.

Three months ago, an IED killed Maj. Sid Brookshire. Born to serve, Brookshire's birthday was Sept. 11.

"My husband was an amazing man," says his widow, Karin. She winced as Petraeus said winning Iraq will take time.

"But I don't want my friends and my fellow Army wives to have to suffer what I've had to suffer and other families have had to suffer. I want them to get in there and get it done and get it done quickly."

They all do. But next weekend, Capt. Crooks heads back to Baghdad.

© MMVII, CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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Fear

Here's the low-down. Jake's deploying in a few weeks. I'm 16 weeks pregnant. I haven't been able to walk into the kitchen or the grocery store for the past few weeks without gagging. We moved here to our first duty station about a month ago. I live 2 thousand miles away from my family. I am going to be alone. I know I'm going to need help. But sometimes I just don't know how to ask or what to ask for. I know I'm getting caught in the super woman trap, but I'm not sure how to get out of it. Can I really say, "Hey, I know we just met, but can you please figure out what is so rank in my refrigerator?" Or "can you just call me in about 15 minutes to make sure I didn't pass out in the shower?" And what if I do pass out? Just writing those sentences and knowing that I actually might need that kind of help makes me feel so sad and pathetic and makes me wonder if I can actually do this. I am usually so with it and organized and smart and independent and hygienic:), but right now I just feel so vulnerable. Not Army Wife Strong. I'm scared.

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When will it ever end???

It feels like this deployment will never end! Today when my husband and I were chatting online he actually said (or typed, really) "only 213 more days". ONLY??? ONLY??? That may as well be a million years from now!

This is our second deployment. He barely had a year home in between, so I know that it will go quickly. But right now, staring down this long 7 month road we have left, I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. UGH!

BTW, here is a really cute idea for your kids to do to send to your husbands. Have the kids write this poem if they're old enough. If not, just type it on the computer and print it out on a piece of paper:
I miss you when we're not together
I'm growing up so fast
See how big I've gotten
Since you saw me last?
As I grow, I'll change a lot,
The years will fly right by.
You'll wonder how I grew so quick
When and where and why?
So look upon this hand print
That's hanging on your wall.
And memories will come back of me,
When I was very small.

Then have your kids dip their hands in paint to leave handprints on the paper. Tape or glue it to a heavy piece of construction paper and mail it off! It's such a nice thing for the guys to see those little hands (or big!). First time I read that poem, made me so emotional!

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Quiet

So I have one more day and a wake-up (after today that is) until Daniel is home for R&R. It will have been 8 mos since I've seen him and I'm sort of getting all those nervous, anxious, excited, overjoyed, terrified butterflies in my stomach. At the same time though, it hasn't really hit me yet. Things have been more than busy with us buying a house, moving, finding a new job, and a new puppy. With the whirlwood of a week last week and this week things have finally started to fall into place and I feel like I'm in the quiet of the storm. I keep telling myself 2 days and I can relax, 2 days and life will be good again, 2 days and a weight can be lifted off my shoulders, just 2 more days! He called a little while ago to tell me he's hoping the flight is going to happen because a sand storm is heading their way so I'm praying they make it. I'm sure all the hectic anticipation has happened to everyone and having been through this once already before it feels new all over again. I'm excited but trying not to have my hopes dashed so I'm playing it cool just in case there's delays somewhere along the line. I'll tell ya though, all three of my dogs can sense the excitement as if they know (which they probably do) because everytime I say "daddy's coming home" they get all excited with tails wagging a hundred miles a minute and those big eyes just looking at me.
I am relieved that everything has come together so quickly...I've found a house and job all within two weeks and we close and move within 2 days of him being home. Then it's off for vacation...a well needed vacation. I can't wait to share with everyone!

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Hello?

This is Crazy! I've been trying to write this same post three different times in the last 3 days! Every time I've sat down to write, something comes up! I really need a break! And I'll finally be getting one tonight! Me and some of the girls are going out to dinner and and to just hang out. Finally, adult talk! I started taking care of a little girl about 2 weeks ago and it's definitely more work than I expected! Now I'm running around trying to keep 3 toddlers entertained. At least it keeps our day busy I guess! Oh, anyone have idea's for entertaining kids ages 3-1?
We've had 3 neighbors move out and 2 move in! Both have kids so that's nice. I live on the corner of a little cul-de-sac and my window faces pretty much everyone. Do you ever try to really keep up with the neighbors? It's just hard here because everyone keeps to themselves! I think it's the atmosphere of the school here. But I am trying to go out and meet people!
It seems everyone I know always has family visiting and I haven't yet. It makes me miss everyone back home! My baby niece is getting really big and I don't get to see it! My sister-in-law get to talk a lot but it's not the same as hanging out with her and watching the kids play together! That sounded really dumb but it's true! I've also lost all the pictures of the last three years off of my computer. It's our external hard drive and it just stopped working one day! I cried and cried and cried! Now we have to send it out and pay about $300-400 to retrieve them. I guess it's well worth the money to have all those precious memories returned to us.
Poor Jared is running on pretty much salads and soup! PT test is coming up and he's gained a few pounds since we got here. He's a short guy, but not overweight, just in the army's opinion. They don't really have a standard for short guys, it's just a general one made more for taller men. Every time he has a PT test, we go out and "celebrate" that night. Usually by going out and getting a big dessert. I've made two cakes in the last week and he hasn't been able to have one bight. I've taken all the extras to a friend of mine. At least someone can enjoy my chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting! YUM!! I gave my oldest boy a piece and as he was eating it he started to do the robot. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen him do, and he was pretty good too! Well, I think it's time for showers and naps for my two boys! And boy do they need both! And by the way...............YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!

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You Can Never Have Too Much Support

I just wanted to say a big "THANK YOU" to everyone that posts on Loving A Soldier. I think it's just awesome that we can come together like this... Sharing our daily anecdotes, problems and solutions. I think it was Star who pointed out that we don't even know how many people might get help (or even just relief because they know they're not alone in their feelings sometimes) from just reading what we post. It's enough to be thankful for. So I just wanted to say thank you...thank you for being here, for sharing your lives, and for letting us share ours.

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Pumpkin Spice Latte's and Squeaky Clean Kids

All is right in the world. The kids are back to school and pumpkin spice latte's are available again at a Starbucks near you.

Tell me I'm not the only one obsessed with Starbucks popular Fall drink, Pumpkin Spice Latte's. I work part time at a mall store and have to pass that evil Starbucks every time I go to work. Now I'm going to be lured in every time I work. This is our first fall in CONUS after 3 Autumn's OCONUS and I missed this yummy little coffee drink while we were stationed overseas. Of course, I'm missing all of the beer fests just as much now, but what can you do?

What did you do for Labor Day weekend? Months ago we planned a trip for one of the few long weekends that Andy would get while we're here in Monterey. At 7 AM, 6 months to the day, I was up early to call the National Park Service and book our campsite for Yosemite National Park for Labor Day Weekend. I was glad that I researched the booking process and times because all of the Yosemite Valley campsites for Labor Day weekend sold out in under 20 minutes that morning!

We love taking advantage of each duty station and all of the great sightseeing experiences each one has to offer and we knew we had to spend a long weekend in Yosemite while we were here in CA. Little did I realize that I would come home with 3 kids who each turned a bubble bath black the second they were dipped into it. We spent the weekend relaxing and letting the kids dictate what we would see and do at Yosemite. We biked, checked out the nature center, took a walk with a Park Ranger, and of course, made s'mores. My three year old daughter and I slept in one tent and the stinky boys (daddy and my 2 sons) slept in another. My husband made a few comments like, "Remember when I came in from that 3 week field exercise and my feet smelled like . . .," and I cut him off and told him that's EXACTLY why the boys have to sleep in their own tent. Over the weekend the boys worked on their National Park Juinor Ranger and Little Cub books and the weekend culminated with a visit to the visitor's center to receive their patch and pin from the Park Ranger on duty. My oldest was a bit confused between the difference of a Junior Ranger, a Park Ranger and a Daddy Ranger. I assured him that he, a new Junior Ranger, and daddy, the Daddy Ranger, certainly have one thing in common - their desperate need for a shower after just 3 days out in the "field."

So my squeaky clean little Rangers and my little Ranger-ette (who was the dirtiest in the bunch) are now safely tucked into bed and ready for another week of school. School began for my Kindergartener 2 weeks ago and my 2nd grader started a week ago today. We are so happy at the this school and it pains me to realize that we are now a little more than 15 weeks from PCS'ing and I now have to figure out where they will go to school. I have a serious problem with obsessing over where my kids go to school and with a move around the corner, I can promise you that I will spend the next 15 weeks obsessing over the school choices available to us. We are seriously considering homeschooling our crew while we are in Connecticut and I'd love to hear from any military homeschoolers with tips and considerations before we make our decision. Any advice is welcome.

I hope everyone had a safe and relaxing Labor Day Weekend.

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Frontiers

(You Gotta Love It When My Mind Wanders)

Is it just me or is everyone else getting tired of always seeing food recalls. I mean it is enough to make a person paranoid. So far this year I have had to check on the spinach...twice, peanut butter, carrot juice, ground beef, canned chili, and pet food that I buy for my family. All of those items were recalled for contamination of one form or another. Even now, I am more careful when I buy those items as they are on my list of potential threats to my kids (not a good list to be on ). A month or so back, I learn that the bread my kids and I had been using may or may not have been contaminated with pieces of metal........pieces of metal??!!! That's a new one...... One reason I purchased that particular brand was for the fiber...but you know, this is getting ridiculous!!!

I already dream of returning to Michigan to my little slice of heaven there. The home we have up there has fruit trees, berry bushes, herb gardens--and when we lived there, a huge vegetable garden. We have already talked about raising chickens for our own eggs ( I'm not hard core enough to kill the chicken's to eat). I also have dibs on my friend Kim's beehive. Once it is ready to split--I want to take them and start my own hive to produce at least enough honey for my family. I have also convinced my husband that once we retire and return we should tap our maple trees to make our own syrup. I have always been interested in using our land's resources and being as self-sufficient as possible. I find extreme satisfaction in feeling close to the land and living as naturally as possible. As a girl, I would pretend to be Laura Ingalls Wilder and play "pioneers". I still think I would make an awesome pioneer woman. :-) Perhaps that's what helps me adapt to the Army. Every move is a new adventure into uncharted territory for our family. We must find ways to obtain food and shelter. Our travel caravan is slow and cumbersome. It consists of our 2 trucks, my beat-up 4th wedding anniversary Jeep (I love it so much!!), our camper, and the Supra that my late husband left to our son for his 16th birthday. He's only 11 and therefore cannot help transport his car from place to place quite yet. We also pack up our critters for the journey....we have been known to sleep in our vehicles because there was no room at the inn for a family with 3 dogs, 2 cats, a parrot, 3 rats, a hedgehog, and a fish tank.
And just like the olden days...Pa has to go off to work immediately upon settling. That leaves Ma to set up house, find a food source (otherwise known as the commissary), make friends with the town folk, care for the children, locate the house of worship, and establish a rapport with the local medical provider in case someone is injured or becomes ill.
Like the pioneer women of the past, Army wives are experts at blooming where they are planted. We smile and persevere even when we are scared. We are not afraid of hard work. We hope that the hardships we endure will ultimately work out best for our family. We trust our husbands to lead us. We follow them because we believe in them and we love them. Our trails don't always lead west...sometimes they take us up north, way down south, or even overseas. Yet, I identify with the spirit of the pioneer women..their courage helped build this nation.....just as ours does.
At the Woolaroc museum in Oklahoma there is a hall of statues dedicated to the westward expansion....one statue shows a woman standing tall and taking a big stride as her simple dress swirls around her boot-clad feet. With her left hand she is holding her young son's hand as she leads him into their new reality. In her right hand, clutched close to her heart, is her Bible. I think she is beautiful.....simply through her strength, love, and faith she can move mountains. She inspires me...... The statue is made of bronze. I love it that when I look carefully into her face I see my own reflection looking back at me.

PS. In looking for a picture of the Pioneer Woman, I realized that the statue I have seen is a 3 foot version of the much larger 17 foot statue outside Oklahoma's Pioneer Woman Museum. It was commissioned in 1928. This image was chosen to go on Oklahoma's state quarter. Many people are upset that on the quarters the U.S. Mint omitted the Bible from the woman's hand. They did not want to offend anyone.

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The Writing's On The Wall

As I go about my day I find comfort in my home. For my home is a connection to my husband. Yes, it is where my computer is so I have my literal connection to my husband. Just as important, though, are all the memories and reminders of him...us...that fill its walls and surround me. In our bedroom, his dresser is still the same. His bottle of cologne and a set of keys sit next to a knight in shining armor statue that I got him for our anniversary one year. A few coins lay in a heap as if he just tossed them up there while emptying his pockets. In truth, originally they were tossed up there by him, but now each time I dust, I try to put them back in the same way he left them. His flannel shirt still casually hangs from my quilt rack. I used to hate it when he would hang his clothes on it...now I wouldn't move that shirt if you paid me.
In my kitchen I marvel at the beautiful wood floors he laid down for me. In 6 rooms he sanded and stained the original wood floors. In the dining room and kitchen he installed each board and nailed it in by hand. He used old fashioned peg-like nails so it would look vintage....he didn't miss a detail. I remember how hard he worked to have them done before he deployed.
As our boys run around the house I see him in each one. A couple have very distinct physical similarities......but in each one there is no mistaking the outstanding character traits he has instilled in them. I see my husband everywhere....the curtains we picked out, the pictures of us smiling....my head on his shoulder, our coffee pot...we love trying out different flavored coffees, the seashells we have collected and saved, our old pinball machine....we did our "good cop/ bad cop" routine to negotiate a great bargain from an antiques dealer outside Killeen, TX. Everything I see has a story. Everything around me reminds me of him. Each room of my house surrounds me with thoughts and memories of him.
One of my favorite spots, though, is my shower. That is where I start my day. Each morning as the warm water begins to wash over me and the shower fills with steam I glance over to see a big
I Y U
begin to magically appear across the expanse of the glass panel. I cried the first morning I saw my message. Now most mornings it simply puts a smile on my face and helps me start out my day with a joyful heart. I love that reminder every morning that, yes my husband is away..but somewhere "way over there" he is thinking of me too. I also just love that he thought up to do that in the first place....
Dixie Carter once said "It takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all." I praise God for my good man.....
My one dilemma though.....can I actually go 7 months without cleaning my shower's glass panels? I don't want to wash my message away. :-o

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A secret message for Sarah P and company...

I'm back after taking a couple weeks off, "resting my eyes" like Dad says, not doing anything special, but just preparing for the fall that we have ahead...

I've been catching up on everybody's trials and triumphs, and I'm in awe at the community Tara--you--we all have created. No doubt, there are people benefitting from the wisdom and candor here. I'm proud to be an Army Wife with everyone of you.

The secret message? Well, I have been thinking on this picture for awhile. It didn't seem that it wanted to work for me, but tonight it all came to place. I hope you can view it large enough. I made it my desktop for now.

LovingASoldier bloggers--thanks for showing us what Army Wife Strong really is.

Till next week, *

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Cake in a jar

If you haven't already heard of this awesome care package item, you're about to stumble upon something awesome!!! I recently made this for my husband who is currently in Iraq. These are GREAT and just something that's homemade to include in a care package.

It's basically a mini cake inside of a mason jar. It arrives moist and fresh and tasty! (did I mention it's homemade??)

Here's how to make them:

Get wide-mouth canning jars. You can find them at Walmart, other stores, or online. Boil the jars to sterilize.

1 package of cake mix or any cake recipe

1. Make the cake batter according to the instructions or recipe
2. Grease the jar by liberally spraying the inside with cooking spray
3. Fill jar no more than 1/2 way with batter
4. Place jars on cookie sheet on rack in the oven. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean @ 400 degrees
5. While baking, boil jar lids in a pan of water
6. When cake is done, take on jar out at a time and cover with hot lid. Screw on jar ring tightening it slightly
7. The lid will seal as it cools. Listen to hear the "ping" as they seal.
8. As the cake cools, it will pull away frm the jar slightly. That's ok, it just means that it will slide out of the jar easily.
9. DO NOT FROST cake in the jar! Send frosting along.
10. Make sure you wrap the jars well (bubble wrap is preferrable, but wadded newspaper or clothing and other items will pad it too)

Don't forget to include a couple of plastic knives for the frosting and some plastic forks.

Some guys will even ask "How did you get the cake in there?" Ha ha ha. Just tell the the truth...MAGIC!

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