I wouldn't trade it, but...

We've been going 70 miles a minute for the last three months, since David returned from Iraq. You know--all the normal stuff that you do during redeployment/reintegration like visiting family, catching up with local friends, travelling so that we can share something as a family, and trying to get our roles right. Whew. All of sudden (where I couldn't think of a positive thing about David's deployment before), positive points abound.

Like when he's deployed...

As far as the kids are concerned, it really is, "My way or the hi-way." None of this my way, his way, our way, "let's make my extended absence up to them" way.

There's only one pair of dirty socks and a pair of shorts on my bedroom floor. I can decide when I come across them if they need to be brought to the laundry room or put up. I don't have to wait until he comes home to find out that the shorts I picked up and put in the wash were the ones he was going to wear tonight. And, there are no boots, uniforms, hats, and all those training cards from his pockets spread out.

I can eat what I want and when I want. (Who knew that the Hamburger Helper you've been making the kids all year, isn't really even 10% as good as Brown and Root? My husband did.)

I can wear what I want and go to sleep when I want.

OK. You got me. I can't go to sleep with the one I want (when he's gone). And, really to have him home is priceless, even if it's work. After 10 years, we still go to bed at the same time, holding hands even. I remember when Tara did a girl's night out phone call last year, she asked us what we missed most, as the guys were deployed. Mine was having someone to hold at night.

So really, I'm only making fun and venting those transition blues. And, I'm only sort of (just a little bit) happy that I have this week "off" as David is out of town for a week-long planning conference.

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Listen Up! Pay Attention!

There is something to be said for paying attention. Ralph Nichols has been quoted as saying, "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them."

How many times are you guilty of not paying attention? Do you drive with your cell phone on your ear? Do you drift into daydreaming when you're at a meeting? Or worse, do you selectively listen to those things you think only apply to you?

Paying attention and listening to things as related to Army life can save you some trouble in the long run. Most of us are quick to complain that "The Army never paid attention when we ..." or "My FRG leader never listened when I..." but we fail to see the situation vise-versa.

I challenge you this week to open up your ears, eyes, and mind and pay attention. Listen to what your spouse, your leaders, your children, and your friends are saying. Listen with your ears, yes. Listen more with your eyes and your mind. See what they are going through. Put yourself in their shoes. Pay attention to what is going on around you. Pay attention to their reaction to what you say or do and how it affects the overall mood of the relationship.

Paying attention and listening with more than a ear full of cell phone and a mind full of daydreams will allow you to see that others are just like you. Aching for the basic human need of understanding and being heard.

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Military.com Podcast - Tara's TALE

Enjoy the new podcast! :)
http://www.military.com/podcast/tutorial

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Are you black, white, or grey all over?

If it's black:
Say it's black.
Believe it's black.
Know it's black.
Scream "it's black" from the rooftops!

If it's white; do the same.

Just please don't stand there in your puddle of grey criticizing those who are declaring black or white.

To clarify - believe in something and stand for what you believe in.

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Going Through Hell?

I know that some of you know about my blog at www.taracrooks.com however, I know most of my readers don't read both so I thought I'd share some of my "weekend" with you here on AWTR.

Winston Churchill has been quoted “If you’re going through hell, just keep going.” I believe Rodney Atkins sings a song just the same only adding a few more good words of advice. “If you’re going through hell. Keep on going, don’t slow down. If you’re scared, don’t show it. You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.”

As most of you who know me know I started riding a Harley Davidson motorcycle about three months ago. This weekend while riding lead bike with two other bikes, our rear biker was broadsided by a car attempting to change lanes from the far right through our lane and into the left turn lane. Unfortunately, to my dismay, the woman still has yet to say two simple words, “I’m sorry.” She admittedly changed lanes quickly, without looking, and without a signal. Fortunately, physically he is ok except for a few minor bumps and bruises. It could have been much much worse had he not reacted in the manner in which he did. He was able to control the bike much better than I think I could have. He is still emotionally shocked and quite upset about the accident. The truth is, it’s a risk. But more so, the truth is that the accident itself didn’t have anything to do with us being motorcycle riders. It didn’t have anything to do with our skills. It had to do with her inability to be aware of her surroundings and proper care being taken during driving.

People make mistakes. She chose the path of attitude, disregard for pretty much everyone else involved, and insisted that by riding motorcycles we were putting ourselves at risk and so she wasn’t responsible. Horse bologna! She’s lucky it was a motorcycle. She’s lucky there weren’t other cars around. She’s lucky he knew how to manuever. She’s lucky that she has a license if you ask my opinion.

Motorcyclists get blamed for many of the motorcycle accidents, and admittedly there are a few bad apples. Ironically though, it was because of his/our awareness, quick movement, and attention that he was able to survive her inability to pay attention.

Saddly, it put a damper on all the rest of our day. I think it also put a bit of saddness amongst the group because we love so much to be together on our bikes. It’s so much fun. I know that we’ll recover. I know that the risk we run riding bikes TO ME is worth the stress relief, the wind in my hair, and the friendships that we have found through a mutual hobby. I ride on. Right now though, each one of us is going through hell……..wondering if it’s really worth the trouble and if others will ever learn to simply be human, pay attention, and apologize.

Maybe if we take Rodney’s advice and “just keep going, don’t slow down, if we’re scared don’t show it.” Ok, well, the speed limit still applies!

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Pat on the back...

I just want to say how proud I am of all of you that particpate here at Army Wife Talk Radio. I'm not always warm and fuzzy, but as I've watched the number of registered users grow about 10% since the beginning of the month, I've gotten the urge to want to say, "Thank you." All of you that contribute on the message boards are doing good things- putting worthwhile information out and helping one another. That's why our numbers are growing; people like the fun, informative, banter across the boards.

I've lurked on other boards where you wonder where some of the people are from and if they're for real, places where I encounter members named ScrewU and PotDaddy. (Names are tamed and changed to protect the greater good.) I don't want to hang out at those places. I want to be right here where I can watch you guys get your questions answered in polite, professional, creative ways. I want to watch people making friends and surviving the hard times together.

Thanks too for letting your friends know about AWTR. Word of mouth is another one of AWTR's success stories. I know I've put out info about AWTR to the FRGs I am involved in, probably a year ago. Well, yesterday I got an email from someone (in my area) who said, "Look at this...www.armywifetalkradio.com." I had to laugh. That's great! Let's continue to create positive experiences for each other and see if we can't grow the membership even larger and keep everyone coming back.

p.s. Don't forget next week's Teleconference on Military Children. Visit the homepage for more information. It should be an informative, fun time to learn more about support systems for our children and trade tips on keeping them happy military brats.

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Our "job"

This week on the show I am speaking with Karen Houppert about the research and information she obtained by being with three different military (Army) spouses at Ft Drum, NY. She and I talked heavily about what she found out - no big surprise to us - that the military spouse literally has a "job" of being just that, a military spouse. We talked about the workload of being a single parent, and about moving etc. We also talked about the extreme volunteer load that most of us take on and that we end up being "de facto employees" of the DA without ever seeing a dime. How many volunteer hours do you think that you put in on a weekly or monthly basis? What activities do you participate in? Do you participate in them because you like them or because you feel like you have to do them? Let's discuss...........

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